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NO BUT HUMANS CAN IT HAS BEEN DONE ONCE BEFORE 'No one would be that stu-' Susan stopped Of course so to see if it was possible to do it If you put a large switch in so 'End-of-the-World Switch PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH', the paint wouldn't even have ti her intently Then she said, 'Funnily enough, there is this book I've been reading to the class I found it on my desk one day It's called Grim Fairy Tales' AH, HAPPY TALES FOR LITTLE FOLK, said Death, without a trace of irony ' which is e, really The children seem quite happy with the idea It doesn't see ' except in the case of the Glass Clock of Bad Sch&uu his skull 'They found that quite upsetting, even though it's got a kind of happy ending' IT MAY BE BECAUSE THE STORY IS TRUE Susan had known Death long enough not to argue 'I think I understand,' she said 'You made sure the book was there' YES OH, THE RUBBISH ABOUT THE HANDSOME PRINCE AND SO ON IS AN OBVIOUS ADDITION THE AUDITORS DID NOT INVENT THE CLOCK, OF COURSE THAT WAS THE WORK OF A MADMAN BUT THEY ARE GOOD AT ADAPTING THEY CANNOT CREATE, BUT THEY CAN ADAPT AND THE CLOCK IS BEING REBUILT 'Was time really stopped?' TRAPPED ONLY FOR A MOMENT, BUT THE RESULTS STILL LIE ALL AROUND US HISTORY WAS SHATTERED, FRAGMENTED PASTS WERE NO LONGER LINKED TO FUTURES THE HISTORY MONKS HAD TO REBUILD IT PRACTICALLY FROM SCRATCH Susan did not waste breath saying things like, 'That's impossible,' at a time like this Only people who believed that they lived in the real world said things like that 'That must have taken some time,' she said

TIME, OF COURSE, WAS NOT THE ISSUE THEY USE A FORM OF YEARS BASED ON THE HUMAN PULSE RATE OF THOSE YEARS, IT TOOK ABOUT FIVE HUNDRED 'But if history was shattered, where did they get-' Death steepled his fingers THINK TEMPORALLY, SUSAN I BELIEVE THEY STOLE SOME TIME FROM SOME EARLIER AGE OF THE WORLD, WHERE IT WAS BEING WASTED ON A LOT OF REPTILES WHAT IS TIME TO A BIG LIZARD, AFTER ALL? HAVE YOU SEEN THOSE PROCRASTINATORS THE MONKS USE? WONDERFUL THINGS THEY CAN MOVE TIME, STORE IT, STRETCH IT QUITE INGENIOUS AS FOR WHEN THIS HAPPENED, THE QUESTION ALSO MAKES NO SENSE WHEN THE BOTTLE IS BROKEN, DOES IT MATTER WHERE THE GLASS WAS HIT? THE SHARDS OF THE EVENT ITSELF NO LONGER EXIST IN THIS REBUILT HISTORY, IN ANY CASE 'Hold on, hold on How can you take a piece of, oh, some old century, and stitch it into a modern one? Wouldn't people notice that' Susan flailed a bit, 'oh, that people have got the wrong ar and they're still in the o?' IN MY EXPERIENCE, SUSAN, WITHIN THEIR HEADS TOO MANY HUMANS SPEND A LOT OF TIME IN THE MIDDLE OF WARS THAT HAPPENED CENTURIES AGO 'Very insightful, but what I meant was-' YOU MUST NOT CONFUSE THE CONTENT WITH THE CONTAINER Death sighed YOU ARE MOSTLY HUMAN YOU NEED A METAPHOR AN OBJECT LESSON IS CLEARLY IN ORDER COME He stood up and stalked into the dining room across the hall There were still a few late lunchers frozen in their work, napkins tucked under their chins, in an atmosphere of happy carbohydrates Death walked up to a table that had been laid for dinner, and gripped a corner of the tablecloth TIME IS THE CLOTH, he said THE CUTLERY AND PLATES ARE THE EVENTS THAT TAKE PLACE WITHIN TIME- There was a drulanced down The Death of Rats was seated in front of a tiny drum kit OBSERVE Death pulled the cloth away There was a rattle of cutlery and aa vase of flowers, but almost all the tableware remained in place

'I see,' said Susan THE TABLE REMAINS LAID, BUT THE CLOTH CAN NOW BE USED FOR ANOTHER MEAL 'However, you knocked the salt over,' said Susan THE TECHNIQUE IS NOT PERFECT'And there are stains on the cloth from the previous meal, Grandfather' Death beamed YES, he said AS METAPHORS GO IT IS RATHER GOOD, DON'T YOU THINK? 'People would notice!' REALLY? HUMANS ARE THE MOST UNOBSERVANT CREATURES IN THE UNIVERSE OH, THERE ARE LOTS OF ANOMALIES, OF COURSE, A CERTAIN AMOUNT OF SPILLED SALT, BUT HISTORIANS EXPLAIN THEM AWAY THEY ARE SO VERY USEFUL IN THAT RESPECT There was so called the Rules, Susan knew They weren't written down, in the same way that mountains weren't written down They were far more fundamental to the operation of the universe than ht hate the untidiness caused by the eence of life, but the Rules did not allow the about it The ascent of mankind must have been a boon to them At last there was a species that could be persuaded to shoot itself in the foot 'I don't knohat you expect me to do about it,' she said EVERYTHING THAT YOU CAN, said Death I, BY CUSTOM AND PRACTICE, HAVE OTHER DUTIES AT THIS TIME 'Such as?' IMPORTANT MATTERS 'That you can't tell me about?' THAT I DO NOT INTEND TO TELL YOU ABOUT BUT THEY ARE IMPORTANT IN ANY CASE, YOUR INSIGHT IS VALUABLE YOU HAVE WAYS OF THINKING THAT WILL BE USEFUL YOU CAN GO WHERE I CANNOT I HAVE ONLY SEEN THE FUTURE BUT YOU CAN CHANGE IT 'Where is this clock being rebuilt?' I CANNOT TELL I HAVE DONE WELL TO DEDUCE WHAT I HAVE THE ISSUE IS CLOUDED FROM ME 'Why?'

BECAUSE THINGS HAVE BEEN HIDDEN SOMEONE IS INVOLVED WHO IS NOT SUBJECT TO ME Death looked aard 'An i to have to be a lot clearer than that' SUSAN YOU KNOW THAT I ADOPTED AND RAISED YOUR MOTHER, AND FOUND A SUITABLE HUSBAND FOR HER 'Yes, yes,' snapped Susan 'How could I forget? I look in my mirror every day' THIS IS DIFFICULT FOR ME THE TRUTH IS, I WAS NOT THE ONLY ONE TO INVOLVE MYSELF LIKE THAT WHY LOOK SURPRISED? IS IT NOT WELL KNOWN THAT GODS DO THIS SORT OF THING ALL THE TIME? 'Gods, yes, but people like you-' PEOPLE LIKE US ARE STILL LIKE PEOPLE Susan did an unusual thing, and listened That's not an easy task for a teacher SUSAN, YOU WILL KNOW THAT WE WHO AREOUTSIDE HUMANITY 'I'm not outside humanity,' said Susan sharply 'I just have a fewextra talents' I DID NOT MEAN YOU, OF COURSE I MEANT THE OTHERS WHO ARE NOT HUMAN AND YET PART OF HUMANITY'S UNIVERSE - WAR AND DESTINY AND PESTILENCE AND THE REST OF US - WE ARE ENVISAGED AS HUMAN BY HUMANS AND THUS, IN VARIOUS FASHIONS, WE TAKE ON SOME ASPECTS OF HUMANITY IT CAN BE NO OTHER WAY EVEN THE VERY BODY SHAPE FORCES UPON OUR MINDS A CERTAIN WAY OF OBSERVING THE UNIVERSE WE PICK UP HUMAN TRAITS CURIOSITY, ANGER, RESTLESSNESS 'This is basic stuff, Grandfather' YES AND YOU KNOW, THEREFORE, THAT SOME OF US TAKE AN INTEREST IN HUMANITY 'I know I am one of the results' YES ERAND SOME OF US TAKE AN INTEREST WHICH IS, ER, MORE 'Interesting?'PERSONAL AND YOU HAVE HEARD ME SPEAK OF THE PERSONIFICATION OF TIME

'You didn't tell lass, you once said' Susan felt a s sensation in seeing Death disco forced to reveal a skeleton in the closet YES ERSHE FELL IN LOVE WITH A HUMAN 'How very ro childishly perverse, she knew, but life as Death's granddaughter was not easy, and just occasionally she had the irresistible urge to annoy AH A PUN, OR PLAY ON WORDS, said Death wearily, ALTHOUGH I SUSPECT YOU WERE MERELY TRYING TO BE TIRESOME 'Well, that sort of thing used to happen a lot in antiquity, didn't it?' said Susan 'Poets were always falling in love with oddesses were forever- ' BUT THIS WAS REAL, said Death 'How real do you mean?' TIME HAD A SON 'How could-' TIME HAD A SON SOMEONE MOSTLY MORTAL SOMEONE LIKE YOU Tick A member of the Clock formal In any case there was often some work for him to do, or soht say about hienius for clocks Informally, the visit was also a delicate way tohis medicine and wasn't noticeably crazy The clockmakers ell aware that the intricate mechanisms of the human brain could occasionally throw a screw The Guild's members tended to be meticulous people, always in pursuit of an inhuman accuracy, and this took its toll It could cause probleot wound up The Guild co uile Dr Hopkins, the Guild's secretary, was surprised when the door of Jeremy's shop was opened by a man who appeared to have survived a very serious accident 'Er, I'ed 'Yeth, thir The marthter ith in, thur'

'And you, or, thur Mr Jereh to take me on, thur'

'You work for hior up and down 'Yeth, thur'

'Merous machinery?'

'No, thur He ith in the workthop, thur'

'Mr Igor,' said Dr Hopkins, as he was ushered into the shop, 'you do know that Mr Jeremy has to take medicine, don't you?'

'Yeth, thur He eneral health is ?'

'Good, thur He ith enthuthiathtic for hith work, thur Bright-eyed and buthy-tailed'