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'Yes, but only back in Elm Street This is my only uniform'

'You have to put some clothes on when you're huht a nude woman would be at home in any company, no offence meant'

'I prefer clothes'

Gaspode sniffed at the dirt

'Cohed 'We'd better catch up Foul Ole Ron before your chainua looked around The scent of Foul Ole Ron was practically tangible

'All right But let's be quick about it'

Wolfbane? You didn't need daft old herbs to make your life a probles and four extra nipples

There were crowds around the Patrician's Palace, and outside the Assassins' Guild A lot of beggars were in evidence They looked ugly Looking ugly is a beggar's stock in trade in any case These looked uglier than necessary

The militia peered around a corner

'There's hundreds of people,' said Colon And loads of trolls outside the Day Watch'

'Where's the crowd thickest?' said Carrot

Anywhere the trolls are,' said Colon He re,' he added

'Very well,' said Carrot 'Everyone follow me'

The babble stopped as the militia marched, lumbered, trotted and knuckled towards the Day Watch House

A couple of very large trolls blocked the way The croatched in expectant silence

AnyAnd then we're all going to die

He glanced up Slowly and jerkily, gargoyle heads were appearing along the gutters No-one wanted to ht

Carrot nodded at the two trolls

They'd got lichen all over them, Colon noticed

'It's Bluejohn and Bauxite, isn't it?' said Carrot

Bluejohn, despite hilared

'You're just the sort I was looking for,' Carrot went on

Colon gripped his hel to crawl up into a size 1 shell Bauxite was an avalanche with feet

'You're conscripted,' said Carrot

Colon peeked out from under the brim

'Report to Corporal Nobbs for your weapons Lance-Constable Detritus will administer the oath' He stood back 'Welcome to the Citizens' Watch Remember, every lance-constable has a fieldmarshal's baton in his knapsack'

The trolls hadn't onna be inna Watch,' said Bauxite

'Officer material if ever I saw it,' said Carrot

'Hey, you can't put them in the Watch!' shouted a dwarf frointhearm,' said Carrot 'Good to see community leaders here Why can't they be in the inthearm realized that he was suddenly the centre of attention, and hesitated

'Wellyou've only got the one dwarf, for one thing' he began

'I'inthearm looked a little nervous The whole issue of Carrot's keenly embraced dwarfishness was a difficult one for the ,' he said la a dwarf?' Carrot demanded

'Uma lot?' whispered Cuddy

'Good point,' said Carrot 'That's a good point' He scanned the faces 'Right We need so dwarfsyou there'

'Me?' said an unwary dwarf

'Have you got any previous convictions?'

'Well, I dunnoI suppose I used to believe very firmly that a penny saved is a penny earned--'

'Good And I'll takeyou twoand you Four more dwarfs, yes? Can't coonna be inna Watch,' said Bauxite again, but uncertainty modulated his tone

'You trolls can't leave now,' said Detritus 'Otherwise, too many dwarfs That's nu any Watch!' said a dwarf

'Not ood as any bloody troll any day!'

'Right, that's sorted out then,' said Carrot, rubbing his hands together 'Acting-Constable Cuddy?'

'Sir?'

'Hey,' said Detritus, 'how come he suddenly full constable?'

'Since he was in charge of the dwarf recruits,' said Carrot 'And you're in charge of the troll recruits, Acting-Constable Detritus'

'I full acting-constable in charge of the troll recruits?'

'Of course Now, if you would step out of the way, Lance-Constable Bauxite--'

Behind Carrot, Detritus drew a big proud breath

'Ain't gonna--'

'Lance-Constable Bauxite! You horrible big troll! You standing up straight! You saluting right now! You stepping out of the way of Corporal Carrot! You two troll, you come here! Wurntwo-ertreefour-er! You in the Watch now! Aaargh, I cannot believe it what ! Where you from, Bauxite?'

'Slice Mountain, but--'

'Slice Mountain! Slice Mountain? Only' Detritus looked at his fingers for a s come from Slice Mountain! Rocksan'an'' he struck out wildly, 'other sortsa rocks! What kind you, Bauxite?'

'What the hell's going on here?'

The Watch House door had opened Captain Quirke eed, sword in hand

'You two horrible troll! You raise your hand right now, you repeat troll oath--'

'Ah, captain,' said Carrot 'Can we have a word?'

'You're in real trouble, Corporal Garret,' snarled Quirke 'Who do you think you are?'

'I will do what I told--'

'Don't wanna be inna--'

Wham!