Page 20 (1/2)

'I'oyle pricked up its huge ears

'Ar Oo erk or Ister Arrot?'

Vimes worked this one out, too, and blinked

'You know Corporal Carrot?'

'Oh, Ess Air-ee-un owes Arrot'

Viht, and when I walk down the street everyone says, 'Who's that gluer?' Carrot's been here a few months and everyone knows him And he knows everyone Everyone likes him I'd be annoyed about that, if only he wasn't so likeable

'You live right up here,' said Vi problem on his mind, 'how come you know ArrotCarrot?'

'Ee cuns uk ere u'

'Did so-'

'Did you see who it was?'

'Oh Ee oot izh oot on i ed Ang et ogg a ire-erk I or ing un ah-ay a-ong Or-oh-Erns Eet'

Holofernes Street, Vimes translated Whoever it ould be well away by now

'Ee ad a ick,' Cornice volunteered A ire-erk htick'

A what?'

'Ire-erk Oo oh? Ang! Ock! Arks! Ockekts! Ang!'

'Oh, fireworks'

'Egg Aks ot I ed'

A firework stick? Likelike a rocket stick?'

'Oh, ih-ee-ot! A htick, oo oint, ik koes ANG!'

'You point it and it goes bang?'

'Egg!'

Vimes scratched his head Sounded like a wizard's staff But they didn't go bang

'Wellthanks,' he said 'You've beeneh-ee elkfhull'

He turned back towards the stairs

Someone had tried to kill hiainst investigating the theft from the Assassins' Guild Theft, he said

Up until then, Vimes hadn't even been certain there had been a theft

And then, of course, there are the laws of chance They play a far greater role in police procedure than narrative causality would like to admit For every murder solved by the careful discovery of a vital footprint or a cigarette end, a hundred failed to be resolved because the wind blew soht before So many crimes are solved by a happy accident – by the rando of a car, by an overheard re to be within five miles of the scene of the crime without an alibi

Even Vimes knew about the power of chance

His sandal clinked against so metallic

And this,' said Corporal Carrot, 'is the fa the Battle of Cruot over ninety statues of fa of a landmark'

'Should have put up a stachoo to the accountants,' said a doggy voice behind Angua 'First battle in the universe where the enemy were persuaded to sell their weapons'

'Where is it, then?' said Angua, still ignoring Gaspode

Ah Yes That's the problem,' said Carrot 'Excuse me, Mr Scant This is Mr Scant Official Keeper of the Monu to ancient tradition, his pay is one dollar a year and a new vest every Hogswatchday'

There was an oldon a stool at the road junction, with his hat over his eyes He pushed it up

Afternoon, Mr Carrot You'll be wanting to see the triumphal arch, will you?'

'Yes, please' Carrot turned back to Angua 'Unfortunately, the actual practical design was turned over to Bloody Stupid Johnson'

The old man eventually produced a small cardboard box from a pocket, and reverentially took off the lid

'Where is it?'

'Just there,' said Carrot 'Behind that little bit of cotton wool'

'Oh'

'I'm afraid that for Mr Johnson accuratethat happened to other people'

Mr Scant dosed the lid

'He also did the Quir Gardens of Ankh, and the Colossus of Morpork,' said Carrot

'The Colossus of Morpork?' said Angua

Mr Scant held up a skinny finger Ah,' he said 'Don't go away' He started to pat his pockets 'Got 'in anything useful?'

'Well, he did design an ornamental cruet set for Mad Lord Snapcase,' said Carrot, as they strolled away

'He got that right?'

'Not exactly But here's an interesting fact, four families live in a salt shaker and we use the pepper pot for storing grain'

Angua s facts about Ankh-Morpork Angua felt she was floating uneasily on a sea of theuided tours rolled into one

'Now here,' said Carrot, 'is the Beggars' Guild They're the oldest of the Guilds Not many people know that'

'Is that so?'

'People think it'd be the Fools or the Assassins Ask anyone They'll say "the oldest Guild in Ankh-Morpork is certainly the Fools' Guild or the Assassins' Guild" But they aren't They're quite recent But there's been a Beggars' Guild for centuries'

'Really?' said Angua, weakly In the last hour she'd learned more about Ankh-Morpork than any reasonable person wanted to know She vaguely suspected that Carrot was trying to court her But, instead of the usual flowers or chocolate, he seeift-wrap a city

And, despite all her better instincts, she was feeling jealous Of a city! Ye gods, I've known him a couple of days!

It was the way he wore the place You expected hi that has suspicious rhymes and phrases like 'my kind of town' and 'I wanna be a part of it' in it; the kind of song where people dance in the street and give the singer apples and join in and a dozen lowly raphical ability and everyone acts like cheery lovable citizens instead of the murderous, evil-minded, self-centred individuals they suspect themselves to be But the point was that if Carrot had erupted into a song and dance, people would have joined in Carrot could have jollied a circle of standing stones to form up behind hi old statuary in the ood one of Jiars I'll show you They won't mind'

He rapped on the door

'You don't have to,' said Angua

'It's no trouble--'

The door opened