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'Wow,' said Carrot 'Who was he?'

'Who?'

'TheVier to the red of e, however

'Ohhe was Commander of the City Guard in those days,' he mumbled 'They called him Old Stoneface'

'Never heard of him,' said Carrot

'He, er, doesn't appear much in the history books,' said Vimes 'Sometimes there has to be a civil war, and so didn't happen Sootten He wielded the axe, you know No-one else'd do it It was a king's neck, after all Kings are,' he spat the word, 'special Even after they'd seen theprivate rooms, and cleaned up thebits Even then No-one'd clean up the world But he took the axe and cursed the was it?' said Carrot

'Lorenzo the Kind,' said Vimes, distantly

'I've seen his picture in the palace museum,' said Carrot A fat old man Surrounded by lots of children'

'Oh yes,' said Vimes, carefully 'He was very fond of children'

Carrot waved at a couple of dwarfs

'I didn't know this,' he said 'I thought there was just soed 'It's in the history books, if you knohere to look'

And that was the end of the kings of Ankh-Morpork'

'Oh, there was a surviving son, I think And a few mad relatives They were banished That's supposed to be a terrible fate, for royalty I can't see it myself'

'I think I can And you like the city, sir'

'Well, yes But if it was a choice between banish my head chopped off, just help s But, I meanthe city used to work'

'Still does,' said Carrot

They passed the Assassins' Guild and drew level with the high, forbidding walls of the Fools' Guild, which occupied the other corner of the block

'No, it just keeps going I mean, look up there'

Carrot obediently raised his gaze

There was a fa on the junction of Broad Way and Alcherioyles had colonized it

The corroded motto over the portico said 'NEITHER RAIN NOR SNOW NOR GLOM OF NIT CAN STAY THESE MESENGERS ABOT THIER DUTY' and in more spacious days that may have been the case, but recently someone had found it necessary to nail up an addendum which read:

DONT ARSK US ABOUT: rocks troll's with sticks All sorts of dragons Mrs Cake Huje green things with teeth Any kinds of black dogs with orange eyebrows Rains of spaniel's fog

Mrs Cake

'Oh,' he said 'The Royal Mail'

'The Post Office,' corrected Viranddad said that once you could post a letter there and if d be delivered within adwarf and hope the little bugger wouldn't eat it before'

His voice trailed off

'Uh Sorry No offence meant'

'None taken,' said Carrot cheerfully

'It's not that I've got anything against dwarfs I've always said you'd have to look very hard before you'd find a, a better bunch of highly skilled, law-abiding, hard-working--'

'--little buggers?'

'Yes No!'

They proceeded

'That Mrs Cake,' said Carrot, 'definitely a strong-minded woman, eh?'

'Too true,' said Vi crunched under Carrot's enorlass,' he said 'It went a long way, didn't it'

'Exploding dragons! What an iirl has'

'Woof woof,' said a voice behind the us,' said Vi on the wall,' said Carrot

Gaspode eyed them coldly

'Woof woof, bloody whine whine,' he said 'Are you bloody blind or what?'

It was true that nors don't speak It's a well-known fact It's well known at the organic level, like a lot of other well-known facts which overrule the observations of the senses This is because if people went around noticing everything that was going on all the ti done[7] Besides, als don't talk Ones that do are nored

However, Gaspode had found he did tend to get heard on a subconscious level Only the previous day soone a few steps before they suddenly thought: I' up there,' said Carrot 'Looksooyle'

'Woof woof, woof! Would you credit it?'

Vimes stood on Carrot's shoulders and walked his hand up the wall, but the little blue strip was still out of reach