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"I said, we have been trying to think of some suitable recompense, Captain Vimes Various public-spirited citizens-" the Patrician's eyes took in the Council and Lady Ramkin-"and, of course, myself, feel that an appropriate reward is due"

Vimes still looked blank

"Reward?" he said

"It is customary for such heroic endeavour," said the Patrician, a little testily

Viht about it, sir," he said "Can't speak for the men, of course"

There was an aard pause Out of the corner of his eye Vieant in the ribs Eventually Colon stumbled forward and ripped off another salute "Permission to speak, sir," he raciously

The sergeant coughed He removed his helmet and pulled out a scrap of paper

"Er," he said "The thing is, saving your honour's presence, we think, you knoith saving the city and everything, or sort of, or, what I o you see,is, we reckon we're entitled If you catch my drift"

The assembled company nodded This was exactly how it should be

"Do go on," said the Patrician

"So we, like, put our heads together," said the sergeant "A bit of a cheek, I know "

"Please carry on, Sergeant," said the Patrician "You needn't keep stopping We are well aware of the ht, sir Well, sir First, it's the wages"

"The wages?" said Lord Vetinari He stared at Vieant raised his head His expression was the deterh

"Yes, sir," he said "Thirty dollars a lanced behind hi motions-"we think a basic rate of, er, thirty-five dollars? A month?" He stared at the Patrician's stony expression "With increht five dollars"

He licked his lips again, unnerved by the Patrician's expression "We won't go below four," he said "And that's flat Sorry, your Highness, but there it is"

The Patrician glanced again at Vimes's impassive face, then looked back at the rank

"That's if?"he said

Nobby whispered in Colon's ear and then darted back The sweating sergeant gripped his hel in the world

"There was another thing, your reverence," he said

"Ah" The Patrician sly

"There's the kettle It wasn't ood anyway, and then Errol et it It was nearly two dollars" He sed "We could do with a new kettle, if it's all the same, your lordship''

The Patrician leaned forward, gripping the arms of his chair

"I want to be clear about this," he said coldly "Are we to believe that you are asking for a petty wage increase and a domestic utensil?"

Carrot whispered in Colon's other ear

Colon turned two bulging, watery-rinitaries The riers like a ht, you knoe has our dinner break, or when it's quite, like, at the end of a watch as it may be, and ant to relax a bit, you knoind down " His voice trailed away

"Yes?"

Colon took a deep breath

"I suppose a dartboard would be out of the question-?"

The thunderous silence that folloas broken by an erratic snorting

Vi hand His breastplate wobbled as the suppressed laughter of the years burst out in great uncontrollable eruptions He turned his face to the row of councillors and laughed and laughed until the tears caot up, all confusion and outraged dignity

Laughed at the Patrician's carefully ihed for the world and the saving of souls

Laughed and laughed, and laughed until the tears came

Nobby craned up to reach Colon's ear

"I told you," he hissed "I said they'd never wear it I knew a dartboard'd be pushing our luck You've upset 'em all now"

Dear Mother and Father [wrote Carrot] You will never guess, I have been in the Watch only a feeeks and, already I am to be a full Constable Captain Vimes said, the Patrician himself said I was to be One, and that also he hoped I should have a long and successful career in the Watch as well and, he would folloith special interest Also o up by ten dollars and we had a special bonus of twenty dollars that Captain Vit Colon said Please find h because I went to see Reet and Mrs Pal my career with Great Interest as well and I at Colon has been tellingand not at all coot away I hope Mr Varneshi is well