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'I demand to see the wizard,' she announced 'Pray admit me this instant'

'He's rather busy at present,' said the face 'Were you after a love potion?'

'A what?'

'I've – we've got a special on Cutwell's Shield of Passion oint fashion 'Provides your wild oats while guaranteeing a crop failure, if you knohat I mean'

Keli bridled 'No,' she lied coldly, 'I do not'

'Rastop? Belladonna eyedrops?'

'I demand --'

'Sorry, we're closed,' said the face, and shut the door Keli withdrew her foot just in time

She muttered some words that would have amazed and shocked her tutors, and thu suddenly slowed as realisation dawned

He'd seen her! He'd heard her!

She beat on the door with renewed vigour, yelling with all the power in her lungs

A voice by her ear said, 'It won't work He 'eef very fstubborn'

She looked around slowly and led its ht-iron ring

'I ahtily, holding down the lid on her terror 'And I don't talk to door furniture'

'Fwell, I'm just a doorknocker and I can talk to fwhoever I please,' said the gargoyle pleasantly 'And I can ftell you the f day and duff fnot fwant to be disturbed But you could ftry to use thefroht'

'Magic word? What's the ic word?'

The knocker perceptibly sneered 'Haff you been taught nothing, ht, which wasn't really worth the effort She felt she'd had a trying day too Her father had personally executed a hundred enee a doorknocker

'I have been educated,' she informed it with icy precision, 'by some of the finest scholars in the land'

The doorknocker did not appear to be iic word,' it said calmly, 'they couldn't haff fbeen all that fine'

Keli reached out, grabbed the heavy ring, and pounded it on the door The knocker leered at her

'Ftreat h,' it lisped 'That'f the way I like it!'

'You're disgusting!'

'Yeff Ooo, that waff nife, do it again'

The door opened a crack There was a shadowy glimpse of curly hair

'Madaed

'Please help me,' she said 'Please!'

'See?' said the doorknocker triuic word!'

Keli had been to official functions in Ankh-Morpork and had met senior wizards froic Some of them had been tall, and most of them had been fat, and nearly all of theht they were richly dressed

In fact there are fashions in wizardry as in more mundane arts, and this tendency to look like elderly alderone in for looking pale and interesting, or druidical and grubby, or mysterious and saturnine But Keli was used to wizards as a sort of fur-trineous Cutwell didn't quite fit theWell, that couldn't be helped; presu He didn't have a beard, and the only thing his rather grubby robe was tries

'Would you like a drink or so a discarded vest under the table

Keli looked around for somewhere to sit that wasn't occupied with laundry or used crockery, and shook her head Cutwell noticed her expression

'It's a bit alfresco, I'arlic sausage on to the floor 'Mrs Nugent usually coone to see her sister who's had one of her turns Are you sure? It's no trouble I saw a spare cup here only yesterday'

'I have a proble on a moment' He reached up to a hook over the fireplace and took down a pointy hat that had seen better days, although from the look of it they hadn't been very ht Fire away'

'What's so important about the hat?'

'Oh, it's very 'essential You've got to have the proper hat for wizarding We wizards know about this sort of thing'

'If you say so Look, can you see me?'

He peered at her 'Yes Yes, I would definitely say I can see you'

'And hear me? You can hear me, can you?'

'Loud and clear Yes Every syllable tinkling into place No problems'

'Then would you be surprised if I told you that no-one else in this city can?'

'Except me?'

Keli snorted 'And your doorknocker'

Cutwell pulled out a chair and sat down He squirhtful expression passed over his face He stood up, reached behind hiht have once been half a pizza[2] He stared at it sorrowfully

'I've been looking for that all , would you believe?' he said 'It was an Ail-On with extra peppers, too' He picked sadly at the squashed shape, and suddenly remembered Keli

'Gosh, sorry,' he said, 'where's my manners? Whatever will you think of me? Here Have an anchovy Please'

'Have you been listening to me?' snapped Keli

'Do you feel invisible? In yourself, I mean?' said Gutwell, indistinctly

'Of course not I just feel angry So I want you to tell my fortune'

'Well, I don't know about that, it all sounds rather medical to al, you see,' said Cutretchedly 'The old king expressly forbade fortune telling in Sto Lat He didn't like wizards ent was telling hty one, she said Not the sort to look kindly on practitioners of the subtle arts, I fear'

Keli smiled Members of the court who had seen that s Gutwell out of the way and into a place of safety, like the next continent, but he just sat there trying to pick bits of ot a foul temper on her,' said Keli 'I wouldn't be surprised if she didn't turn you out of the city anyway'

'Oh dear,' said Cutwell, 'do you really think so?'