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'What are we going to do now?' he said

THERE'S A PROMISING WAR IN KLATCHISTAN, said Death SEVERAL PLAGUE OUTBREAKS ONE RATHER IMPORTANT ASSASSINATION, IF YOU'D PREFER

'What, a s,' said Mort diss Once a year a band of strolling players, or at any rate ae and the plays they perfor one another, or being killed The plots were quite co-lost sons, ghosts, witches and, usually, lots of daggers Since it was clear that being a king was no picnic it was a to become one Mort's idea of palace life was a little hazy, but he iot ,' he said 'They wear crowns all the tio to the lavatory'

Death considered this carefully

THERE'S NO TECHNICAL REASON WHY NOT, he conceded IN MY EXPERIENCE, HOWEVER, IT IS GENERALLY NOT THE CASE

The horse wheeled, and the vast flat checkerboard of the Sto plain sped underneath the speed This was rich country, full of silt and rolling cabbage fields and neat little kingdoled like snakes as se pacts, coraphy changed the political shape of the land

'This king,' said Mort, as a forest zipped beneath theood or bad?'

I NEVER CONCERN MYSELF WITH SUCH THINGS, said Death HE'S NO WORSE THAN ANY OTHER KING, I IMAGINE

'Does he have people put to death?' said Mort, and re y'honour's presence, of course'

SOMETIMES THERE ARE SOME THINGS YOU HAVE TO DO, WHEN YOU'RE A KING

A city slid below them, clustered around a castle built on a rock outcrop that poked up out of the plain like a geological pie rock from the distant Raendary days when the Ice Giants waged war on the gods and rode their glaciers across the land in an atteiven up in the end, however, and driven their great glittering flocks back to their hidden lands a the razor-backed mountains near the Hub No-one on the plains knehy they had done this; it was generally considered by the younger generation in the city of Sto Lat, the city around the rock, that it was because the place was dead boring

Binky trotted down over nothingness and touched down on the flagstones of the castle's topmost tower Death dis

'Won't people notice there's a horse up here?' he said, as they strolled to a stairwell

Death shook his head

WOULD YOU BELIEVE THERE COULD BE A HORSE AT THE TOP OF THIS TOWER? he Said

'No You couldn't get one up these stairs,' said Mort

WELL, THEN?

'Oh I see People don't want to see what can't possibly exist'

WELL DONE

Now they alking along a wide corridor hung with tapestries Death reached into his robe and pulled out an hourglass, peering closely at it in the dilass cut into intricate facets and imprisoned in an ornate fra Olerve the Bastard' were engraved deeply into it

The sand inside sparkled oddly There wasn't a lot left

Death hulass away in whatever mysterious recess it had occupied

They turned a corner and hit a wall of sound There was a hall full of people there, under a cloud of smoke and chatter that rose all the way up into the banner-haunted shadows in the roof Up in a gallery a trio of

The appearance of Death didn't cause much of a stir A footman by the door turned to him, opened his ht of solanced in their direction, their eyes instantly unfocusing as common sense overruled the other five

WE'VE GOT A FEW MINUTES, said Death, taking a drink fro tray, LET'S MINGLE

'They can't see me either!' said Mort 'But I'm real!'

REALITY is NOT ALWAYS WHAT IT SEEMS, said Death ANYWAY, IF THEY DON'T WANT TO SEE ME, THEY CERTAINLY DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU THESE ARE ARISTOCRATS, BOY THEY'RE GOOD AT NOT SEEING THINGS WHY IS THERE A CHERRY ON A STICK IN THIS DRINK?

'Mort,' said Mort automatically

IT'S NOT AS IF IT DOES ANYTHING FOR THE FLAVOUR WHY DOES ANYONE TAKE A PERFECTLY GOOD DRINK AND THEN PUT IN A CHERRY ON A POLE?

'What's going to happen next?' said Mort An elderly earl bumped into his elbow, looked everywhere but directly at hied and walked away

TAKE THESE THINGS, NOW, said Death, fingering a passing canape I MEAN, MUSHROOMS YES, CHICKEN YES, CREAM YES, I'VE NOTHING AGAINST ANY OF THEM, BUT WHY IN THE NAME OF SANITY MINCE THEM ALL UP AND PUT THEM IN LITTLE PASTRY CASES?

'Pardon?' said Mort

THAT'S MORTALS FOR YOU, Death continued THEY'VE ONLY GOT A FEW YEARS IN THIS WORLD AND THEY SPEND THEM ALL IN MAKING THINGS COMPLICATED FOR THEMSELVES FASCINATING HAVE A GHERKIN

'Where's the king?' said Mort, craning to look over the heads of the court

CHAP WITH THE GOLDEN BEARD, said Death He tapped a flunky on the shoulder, and as the man turned and looked around in puzzlement deftly piloted another drink froure standing in a little group in the centre of the crowd, leaning over slightly the better to hear what a rather short courtier was saying to him He was a tall, heavily-built man with the kind of stolid, patient face that one would confidently buy a used horse fro,' said Mort 'Why would anyone want to kill him?'

SEE THE MAN NEXT TO HIM? WITH THE LITTLE MOUSTACHE AND THE GRIN LIKE A LIZARD? Death ointed with his scythe 'Yes?' HIS COUSIN, THE DUKE OF STO HELIT NOT THE NICEST OF PEOPLE, said Death A HANDY MAN WITH A BOTTLE OF POISON FIFTH IN LINE TO THE THRONE LAST YEAR, NOW SECOND IN LINE BIT OF A SOCIAL CLIMBER, YOU MIGHT SAY He fulass in which black sand coursed between a spiked iron latticework He gave it an experimental shake AND DUE TO LIVE ANOTHER THIRTY, THIRTY-FIVE YEARS, he said, with a sigh

'And he goes around killing people?' said Mort He shook his head There's no justice'

Death sighed No, he said, handing his drink to a page as surprised to find he was suddenly holding an elass, THERE'S JUST ME

He drew his sword, which had the same ice blue, shadow-thin blade as the scythe of office, and stepped forward

'I thought you used the scythe,' whispered Mort

KINGS GET THE SWORD, said Death IT'S A ROYAL WHATSNAME, PREROGATIVE