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Kathleen also introduced me to the local library and to the Internet She couldn’t believe that I didn’t use a computer at home The two in the basement were devoted to ht of asking to use them

And I didn’t use thes to do We took longer and longer bike rides, out to the Yaddo Rose Garden and beyond, to the lake At first I couldn’t go as far or as fast as she could, but rew over tiave me a fever and a rash so severe that ave me a lecture and sent iously applied the SPF 50 sunscreen froiving lance of utter contempt as she did so

I had a less violent reaction to roup of us went to the lake to watch fireworks The others kept swatting at flies and mosquitoes, but insects never bothered me I moved a little apart from the others, to see better, and when I took my eyes from the sky, Michael stood next to me I saw the reflection of a shower of ruby-red stars in his eyes as he kissed ht -- I haven’t described Michael, have I? I think he was sixteen that suht, with dark brown hair, brown eyes, and tanned skin He spent asHe was muscular, lean, with a deadpan expression that stayed on his face even when he told jokes, which was often Occasionally he snuck cigarettes from his father’s supply, and I reh? I think that’s enough about hiust, and all the McG kids were getting ready to return to school -- shopping for notebooks and pens, getting dental exa about teachers One day a cold wind blew in fros an unmistakable hint that sueDennis,research that month Since I’d been a baby he’d had a special fondness for ht of how he’d carriedto be a horse, and how he’d h He called himself my "fine freckled friend" He’d be back with us in a feeeks, and that thought would have to console me for now

I forced ar Allan Poe, and it was tough going I’d suffered through The Narrative of Arthur Gordon Pym, which seemed to me painfully overwritten But the poetry was even worse In an hour hts into meter and rhyme, and all I could think about was that Michael (and Kathleen) were out shopping, and that I wouldn’t see them at all that day

Mrs McG had made me an omelet for lunch, so watery and tasteless that I couldn’t make myself eattasted so much better at her house

When I met my father in the library at one, I said, "You know, I don’t thinkat the desk, and one of his eyebrows lifted "And how h to know that I don’t like it" I talked quickly, to hide the truth: I’d read the first and last stanzas and skimmed the rest I tried to explain "The words are just…words on the page"

"Which one were you reading?" How like him, to know I’d read only one

I opened the book and handed it to hi the name "Oh, Ari I don’t think you’ve read it at all"

And he read the poe between the lines or stanzas, and the words were likein the world When he read the final lines ("And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side / Of-- my life and my bride / In her sepulchre there by the sea -- / In her to And when he looked up from the book, I saw tears in his eyes

He recovered quickly "I’m sorry," he said "Poe was a bad choice"

But I couldn’t stop crying Embarrassed, I left hi inme dreams / Of the beautiful ANNABEL LEE; / And the stars never rise, but I feel the bright eyes / Of the beautiful ANNABEL LEE"

I fell onto my bed and cried as I’d never cried before -- for ht have been, and all that had been lost

I slept through until earlyfrom a vivid dream (Nearly all of my dreams since have been vivid, and I remember every one of them Is it like that for you?) In : When evening falls beyond the blue, the shadows knoait for you

The song still in ot up and went to the bathroom -- and discovered that, while I’d slept, my body had "entered the sacred realm of Womanhood" I cleaned myself up and went down to tell Mrs McG, who blushed She in turn ht later, because that afternoon he seemed more distant and distracted than he’d ever been with me before His eyes hen he looked at eorossed in proving that the opposite sides of a quadrilateral inscribed in a cyclic quadrilateral are supple at me

"Father?" I said

"You were hu," he said

The shock in his voice struck ?" I asked

"The song," he said "Where did you learn it?"

It was still playing, inthe shore I wait for you

"I dreaht," I said "I even dreamed lyrics"

He nodded, still visibly upset "It was one of her favorites," he said finally

"My ht, Why can’t you say that, Father? Say it was ?

He looked as crushed as if I’d spoken the words, not ht them

Later that afternoon we took our usual break for yoga and a poses without even thinking about theot to the meditation part, all I could do was think

My father had taught me a meditation ain and again, and normally it led me to a place where I had no consciousness of self, where my mind became empty and open, and I felt at peace But today, the ry: "I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know"