Page 29 (1/2)

"If you only knew," Sarah muttered

PJ lifted her eyebrows "What?"

Rachel sighed "While you were AWOL, we sort of had an incident at the school where I’ain The mom and dad of one of my students split up, and the dad went bonkers and cae This was just a few days after I’d found out I was having twins You can iine that Ethan didn’t take any of this well"

"Did they go in and take the fucker out?" PJ de in Charlotte’s direction "Sorry"

The others laughed

"Yep, they did," Sophie said with a grin "They pissed off a whole host of people in the process, but the real heroine was Rachel"

Rachel blushed and shook her head "I was terrified"

"I’m sorry I wasn’t here," PJ said quietly She felt protective of these women Like they were hers She’d had a hand in every ed her that while she’d been out seeking revenge, Rachel could have been killed

"You’re here now," Rachel said "And that’s all that matters KGI isn’t the same without you, PJ"

Shea leaned back in her chair and pried a leaf from Charlotte’s hand before it made it to her mouth Then she turned to look directly at PJ

"Look, PJ, I know Cole called and talked to Sophie, and yeah, he told us about what happened to you, but we already knew KGI is fa around us that much, we all care about you a lot You’ve been there for each of us e needed someone the most You’ve risked your life for all of us You risk your life to keep the men we love safe That makes you very special to us whether you know it or not It also oes on with you When we heard what happened, anted to go kick that fucker’s ass every bit as uys did"

PJ bit the inside of heropen She didn’t really kno to respond to Shea’s impassioned statement She hadn’t ever considered that she ht about her at all She was just a member of a team that worked for or with their husbands No one special Certainly not faht?

And yet the ht into her heart

"And I said all of that to let you know that we aren’t here to psychoanalyze you We aren’t going to pry into your thoughts What we do want you to know is that we’re here for you Anytime Whatever you need If it’s someone to talk to If you just want a shoulder to cry on If you just want to bitch and scream We’re here Never hesitate to call us or co to us and we take family very seriously"

Sophie clapped, a broad s along just fine" She turned a teasing s to convince her she was part of the family and that it was okay to lean on us"

Sarah leaned forward, her expression serious, her eyes full of understanding "I was raped too, PJ I knohat it feels like I dealt with it by ignoring it I shut everyone out I just wanted to be left alone"

"Yes," PJ said fiercely, finally latching on fully to part of the conversation

Sarah’s ad that PJ had done herself, and as silly as it sounded, it made her feel not quite so alone that she wasn’t the only one who’d reacted to what had happened to her the way she had

"I just didn’t--don’t--want to think about it," she finished painfully

Sarah nodded "I get it I do But when you let it go like that for so long, you eventually reach a breaking point"

PJ’s heart thuht-headed She wanted to confide in her so badly about what happened the night before The words were burning her lips, but she was so ashamed, and it simply wasn’t in her nature to confide in others

She’d always been a loner It was so drilled into her froe in the course of a single day, the first time other females extended their hand in friendship

When a child couldn’t even count on her parents, how the hell was she supposed to be able to count on anyone else?

But who said there were rules she had to follow? Just because she was one way her entire life didn’t e, even if they were baby steps She was tired of feeling so alone all the damn time If that made her weak, then fine She eak

She rubbed her face tiredly and sat there a long e to say what she’d nearly blurted out just ht," she adht about it Iout what those bastards did tosomeone you care about touch you I know Cole would never hurt me I know that! And yet one minute I was in the most fantastic place in the world and the next I was in full-scale panic and hyperventilating all over the place I no longer knehere I was or who I ith I was so scared that I couldn’t even function How stupid is that?"

"It’s not stupid," Rachel said in a tone that told PJ she knew exactly what she was talking about "I still have episodes of panic and utter despair Despair doesn’t even begin to describe the absolute desolation or the feeling that you’re lost in hell and no one will ever find you I wake up in theI’ I have no way out"

"I have a pretty awful confession to ht, I had a panic attack when Garrett tried to make love to me Talk about stupid We’d made love so many times before and I was fine Maybe it was the stress of the wedding I have no idea But I freaked out when he touchedand co me I’ve never felt so awful in ht of our lives"

PJ felt a twinge of sympathy for the other woman She knew exactly how that felt It was the way she’d felt the night before when she’d all but begged Cole to make love to her

"Ahh honey, I’ over to squeeze Sarah’s hand "I’m sure Garrett was fine with it He loves you so much"

"Oh, he was It wasthat bastard who raped me to control e and I damn sure don’t want hiled Then Sarah stifled her own laughter and everyone joined in, laughing at the ie of another htened the mood and injected some much-needed levity into the conversation

"I’ll tell you like we told Shea," Rachel began "It may sound stupid, and the initial reaction is denial, but sometimes you just need soest tio see a cos that had happened toof ridiculousness, it really did help"

"Sa else that really, really helped Talking to Garrett and being honest with ine Cole would be any less so"

PJ felt heat rise into her cheeks "You guys are kind of assu that Cole and I are a slam dunk"

Sophie snorted "Oh please Theact You have that man so tied up in knots it isn’t even funny"

The others nodded their agreeru stays secret around here"

They hooted in laughter