Page 1 (1/2)

Chapter 1

I don’t re up here--a place as familiar as my own face

At least, it should be

But there’s a probleray The classical- the walls are bleached, their brittle corners curling where the tacks areMy first-place ribbons are pale blue instead of royal My sundresses are drained of color And e of a bare, sun-bleached s and s

I turnand swirling against grimy walls My head fills with fuzz, and I try to reot so filthy, since I vacuum and dust it once a week And why is the e the sheets every Saturday? And where did rowls, and I push on the concave space beneath ainst the shirt sweat-plastered to my skin, and try to re off the bed, I stand on rubbery legs The carpet crunches beneathshoes I have been sleeping in shoes--old-lady white nurse shoes Shoes that I have never seen before That I have noin a sea of broken glass It glitters against the filthy, faded carpet, and I can’t re air, cooling auzy curtains that hide ed re to theframe, and a certainty creeps into --really wrong I need to find ht, I stuht streah the bedroo the dust in the hallway I peer into asp His dinosaur models are broken to bits and strewn across the faded carpet, along with the Star Wars action figures he’s collected since he was four years old I leave his doorway and walk to the next door, to e textbooks are on the floor, their pages torn and scattered over the filthy carpet The bed is gone and the mirror above the bureau is shattered

Dazed, I walk through sunlight and dust, down the hall, trailingwall to Mom’s room

Her room is just like the other rooms Faded Filthy Broken s Bare mattress And a word I don’t want to think about but force myself to admit

Abandoned

No one lives here No one has lived here for a long while But I reo--into a clean bed with crisp sheets and a pink comforter In a room with a brand-new London Symphony Orchestra poster tacked to the wall I re to see that I dusted the top ofbefore sunrise for school And Jonah’s Star Wars h the house

But somehow I am alone now, in a house wheretime

I run to the bathroo that a splash of icy water will clear my head and wake me to a different reality A normal reality I turn on the water and back away frocole drop of water I brace my hands on the counter and try to re "Think, think, think," I whisper, straining for the answers Sweat trickles down my temple and I come up blank

In the cracked, dust-coatedabandoned slips away I ay hair, and gangly, like she’s just had a growth spurt She looks like my older sister, Lissa She is Lissa Andon

"Lis?" I ask,back to the mirror I carefully wipe away the dust with my hand So does the reflection My muddy eyes stare back from a hollow face, but it’s not my face I take a step away from the mirror and stare at the reflection, mesmerized and confused I slide my hands over the contours of my lanky body So does the reflection The reflection is mine