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I slid ave it a squeeze "Me too, honey"

He lifted ive ht at Jenna and Ed’s wedding was fucking torture"

Agreed We’d both taken dates I’d taken Nicholas just to be particularly annoying and Adah I’d flitted around the wedding actingto look Adam’s way, it was one of the ers through his and rested our hands on his lap "Here it is" He held the diary up

"What?" I frowned, trying to readtothis as quickly as I can because I can see Adam is about to rip the pen fro my attention back to hiet this down It’s been an utterly exhausting weekend but today I woke up feeling stronger than I have in a while Thisbeautiful, and I swear after the last week I’ve had, I didn’t think that was possible… Focusing on a crack inI determinedly attempted to push the fear and desperation back There was this buried part of rip my chest from the inside out to pull me to it to whisper desolately, "I’m not ready to die"

Stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it, stop… I couldn’t think like that

But it hat I’d been hiding fronored rabbed onto that solution with utter relief

Still, the headaches kept co, the exhaustion worsened as the anxiety I kept hidden froo I’d had a seizure in ely relieved as I sat in the hospital and waited for my turn on the MRI--sick toto know once and for all what the hell rong with h A brain tumor

I tried to catch my breath We’d waited ten days for the results and it was a brain tu else I had twenty four hours of waiting to find out if I had brain cancer or not

I wanted to handle it graciously, not just for me but for Braden and Muraciously for Joss, knowing it would be difficult for her However, her reaction… A tear slid down o I’d watched the panic in her face and then she just… shut down She just left me When I needed her theabouto and speak to Mu I needed just a little tiave me it

I couldn’t think of the worst I wouldn’t be like Joss I mean, I wanted to be prepared but I wasn’t a pessi to… You never think so like this will happen to you It feels like a drea so and I turned my head on

I breathed through the tightness in my chest and reached for the phone Since I landed in the hospital ten days ago, Adaed on his unspoken promise to stay out of my life

He called me every day and caet aith it

Too exhausted to fight hiet aith it

"Hullo," I answered and even I could tell I didn’t sound like myself

There was a crackle down the line as he let out a heavy sigh "Braden just called"

I tensed, hearing the roughness in Adam’s voice, the choked brokenness in his tone

"Yeah"

"God, Ellie," he groaned as if in agony "Sweetheart--"

"Don’t" I shook h he couldn’t see me, and I bit my lip to try and stem the flow of tears As soon as I felt I could speak without crying, I continued, "We don’t know anything yet"

"I know I need to come to you I’ll be there in ten minutes"

"No, don’t," ht of having hih this "I don’t want you to"

"Fuck, Els"

I winced at the hurt in his voice "Please, Adam"

"I need to I need to be with you I love you, Ellie I’