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"Stop!" I yelled into my hands "Stop it I can’t let myself believe I loved him!"

Oh, you loved hiht abruptly, but it crept back in to betray me with its truth

What is it that hurts, Ara? She asked froone, or that you’re psychotic and perverted for loving hih to admit it in this real world--away fro from cliffs

This will kill him, you know, this will kill David when he finds out

"No! Stop it, please I’ve done nothing wrong!" I shouted "Nothing!"

Nothing?

A wild summer wind swept over the sand and brushed it stiffly acrossface I was exhausted That’s what this was really about Even o to sleep, I’d wake up and see that everything really was okay--that maybe it was true, maybe I did love Jason, but one, and I still had David

The shadow of the lighthouse, sitting high atop the cliff, stole the white frorey shadow Behind it, the sun blinded me when I tried to make out the distance from here to the top I wanted to jump up there but, exhausted as I felt, I’d probably slip and fall off So, I wandered away from the windbreak of the cliff and let the ocean breeze wrap around ipani fabric softener and salty sea spray And with that smell, a tiny little positive crept up to make me sain That’s pretty cool

"Amara?" The confused tone of a pleasantly deep voice made my shoulders sink as a hand calanced back and s out here by yourself? You should be resting"

"I know" I nodded and foldedalone"

"But--" Arthur looked around "You are alone"

"Not like I a waves and flicked my head so my hair bleay from my neck "Out here, I have the wind and the open air to distract me--it kind of makes my heart beat for me, you know, but when I’m alone, in the still, it’s like I’et out of"

Arthur’s brows pinched in the middle, and ht of the high afternoon sun "You’re not all right, are you?" he asked

I shook my head

He let out a breath and wrapped one ared ainst the indent between his breastbones "Just cry My darling girl Let it all out" He stroked my hair "I’m here I’ll ed shriek that coughed back out Arthur’s eht thatI al few years, hasn’t it?" he said in a low, soothing voice "You’ve been through so ine you’ve probably not spoken of how deeply you’re hurting?"

My chest shuddered, the sobs turning to short, quick breaths as I settled htly away from Arthur and saw the wet outline of a face all over his white silk shirt, my cheeks burned "Oh,his hand over hed once "It sounds funny when you say queen"

His teeth showed on one side as he breathed a smile "Yes, but you are queen And we are all so proud of you"

"I thought I failed, you know" I stepped away from his arms and let the wind dry my cheeks "I can’t tell you how scared I was that I’d let everyone down"

He only nodded, as if waiting forasleep with a heavy book on your chest and suddenly waking to lift it off, I sat in the sand with Arthur, by the lashing ash, and, leaving out the part about David being alive, told hi Told hi I came to face--all the failures, all the truths--especially the truth about Jason And he listened, with his hands linked together, his ar every now and then

As the blanket of shame, fear and sadness bleay in the wind, I took a deep, shaky breath and turned my head to look at hirabbed his ar for an hour"

"Then you have nowhere near been talking long enough" He touched his hand over ood friend, Arthur"

He opened hiswith a deep breath that he let out slowly "I’lad you told me all this"

"What do you think it all hed "I’m not sure But, like you said, this snake, this entity who caht?"

I nodded, er to hear his take on it

"Perhaps, that is the truth Perhaps you loved them both--Jason and David, and maybe when you come to terms with this, your life can take a journey on a new path"

"I have come to terms with it, Arthur So where’s this new path?"

"No, my dear, you have not You have admitted it--barely, but you have not cos?"

He laughed softly "No"

"Well, how do I come to terms with it?"

"That, my dear child, you will have to learn on your own One day, you ake up and everything will suddenly make sense to you--the path you must take, the road you’ve been down, all the questions you ask yourself about why--it will all make sense, and then, and only then, does it mean you have come to terms hat is in your heart, and essentially, what you, deep down inside, are"

"What I am? What do you mean by that?"

He looked out at the ocean "I irl, who thinks she knohat’s right but doesn’t trust herself You also believe every ihts for another man--make you a bad person, somehow But you’re not You are, for all intents and purposes, human And you make human mistakes and feel human emotions You berate yourself far too harshly for what you feel, A"

"My undoing?"

"E, in here" He tapped his chest "And you cannot be strong if you do not love yourself--or at the very least, understand yourself"

I nodded "That’s the proble for Jason at all I can’t understand how I can love anyone else but David He…" I looked ahead, closing one, he should still be the only one I ever love"

"Amara, don’t be so harsh on yourself You cannot expect to be alone for the rest of your days"

"I know But what about when he was alive?" I said "I loved Jason then, Arthur, and I can’t forgive myself for that"

"Did David ever kno you felt about his brother?"