Page 20 (2/2)

I can’t relax until I see the Tahoe still there I cut traffic, nearly hit a pedestrian, and speed, but the Tahoe is still there She hasn’t left yet Stuart is pacing outside the vehicle, talking on his phone He looks worried

I ju Michelle another voiceive her a rough recount of the events and she is pissed I don’t knohat to do about it I don’t knoin her back or make her understand"

He means he doesn’t kno to do all of that, without actually telling Michelle what he’s been through He doesn’t want her to know he’s soiled Only he can see the dirty sides of himself but it doesn’t matter; he doesn’t want her to feel sorry for him or see him as less of a man

To me that is impossible There is no one like Stuart His secret soft side is so people don’t know about He volunteers to hold babies at the neonatal unit at Boston’s Children’s Hospital He helps to find strays with the local animal shelters

No one is manlier than Stuart, and if he would let Michelle see himself, she would know that But he won’t He’ll act like a player and die inside slowly

I watch hio inside and see Jane You taking Sarah back to dorain I wave and walk away

When I get inside, I look at the elevator and take a deep breath I press the button and wait The doors open and she walks right intoers

I step back, letting her and trying not to look wounded

"What are you doing here?" she asks

I can’t stop looking her in the eyes, not without seeing that kiss in the rain Even the cold of it couldn’t stopto stay there with her I point at the elevator, "I wanted to see her"

She looks hurt, "Did you knoas here?"

I lie, "No I expected you to still be in session I was going to wait in the other offices" She flinches when I say that, like herI know it’s been years for me and I am still traumatized Jane alone scares me I try to sound nicer, "How have you been?"

She stares atI don’t want to see in her eyes, "Since youa pain in the ass? Good"

I laugh nervously I don’t want her to see it, my anxiety or desire The doors close as I avoid her face and she searches mine I lean past her to press the button Somewhere in the close space she whispers, "I need you"

I can’t breathe My words are stuck in my throat I step back to tell her I love her I just need to say it and put it out there, and hope to God she doesn’t need es her mind and leaves

I look down at the floor and wonder where the brave man I used to be went I was once a whole person and now I can only find that feeling of being whole, when she is there to fill the gaps

In desperation and sickening need I send her a text, ’I need to see you this evening I need to talk to you’

I don’t even knohat I’ll say to her but I need her I get into the elevator and try really hard not to feel thefor me when it opens She frowns, "You weren’t supposed to make her love you, Eli"

I want answers but if Jane thinks anything is going on, she will a me as a prize

I raise an eyebrow, "Stockholm is your favorite form of therapy, Jane"

She walks to the counter and pours us both a scotch She drinks hers as she brings mine to me, "It is I’ve just never seen it work so effectively The person generally recovers, Sarah is not" She hands ain, it is you, Eli"

I offer her up a grin, "To your success" She toasts with the little bit that’s left and goes back for more I don’t want her to kno I feel I sit down on the couch, "I’et back to work"

Jane watches edpart-ti Sarah full time" I yawn, "And I’m exhausted"

Jane furrows her brow, "So you have no interest in pursuing her?"

"Who?"

She cocks a grin, "Don’t be daft, Sarah"<ins class="adsbygoogle" style="display:block" data-ad-client="ca-pub-7451196230453695" data-ad-slot="9930101810" data-ad-format="auto" data-full-width-responsive="true"></ins>