Page 1 (2/2)

I don’t feel e me up The fuzzy white noise that cutsMy legs and aret thick with it, detached

I run a hand along the scar onhow I believed that I could bleed it out ofmy body was more than I needed It was perfection The thickness left with the blood

I shakehate her, Jane was right, I need the new habits The kinds thatwithout anyone coht of the places they’ll put you, when they think you long for death I don’t hate it as much as I hate that it was Jane who showed ht and pulla text

‘I need to blow off steah, ‘Stuart, be is a word, B is a letter Can you see the difference or have I hit you in the head too many times?’

‘LOL, don’t be a dick I’ll c u in 2!’

I shudder and walk to the shower I clean and change as fast as possible When I have it inside ofis intense and needs to be i the apartment, I decide to take the stairs It’s best to not poke the things that live inside ofit

The annoying , Sir"

I ignore hiet to the Tahoe, Stuart opens the back door giving ht?"

I shake er seat, "I don’t think so" I toss the bag in the back seat

He nods and closes the door He glances at me when he cliive hiym?"

I nod, "I need to stop at the office first"

He knohy He doesn’t need to talk about it He doesn’t needI love that about him

When you’re crazy, people alant you to adiant elephant in the rooo away

Stuart is one of the few people infrom me, but the room to let our elephants roam free, unidentified

The first ti people to beat the hell out of him; he was just past childhood Stuart has a pain tolerance like no one He is a beast for agony and suffering His passion for pain is worse than ht His pain is his own and he doesn’t need to take anyone doith him

He is the only person in the whole world I admire I wish I could let others hurt me and not feel the need to hurt theive a shit

I glance out the ,to hell Winter in Boston is not uess"

"Your one?"

I nod, "They are"

"My goal in life is to be a snowbird like the over at hies h as he pulls into the office parking lot It’s a sad reality Stuart and I could never bring another person into our roos

I nod, "Be back in twoto run inside The incinerator of the older buildingand its filthy contents

My legs try to leave the building but my brain thinks ‘just check’… my brain is a workaholic It believes that if I stuffinside of ht on in my office and notice a parcel onattention until I see the cri for a tissue, more droplets fall onto er with tissues and start blotting up the blood from the splotches on one of the pieces of paper

Glancing casually at the paper, I see it Instantly, oes completely dry I can’t feel my feet I’m scared to touch the paper or the words on it--the names The blood has landed directly on her name

Is it real?

Is it a hallucination?

I shudder as I back away, just one step Just the one single step I need to get control of my heart Dizziness and memories wrestle over control The dizziness wins, I take a knee I see her there, her s at mine Her dead eyes

God help ain I shake my head and take deep breaths It’s then I realize, I have never seen the name combined the way it is Perhaps it is not a hallucination Either way, I can’t get my breath It’s impossible, and yet, so unlikely it has to be real There can’t possibly be anyone named Emalyn Spicer in the whole world, and if there were, her name would not land on my desk where I would bleed upon it