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I shake my head, "No" He looks disappointed but he’s too kind to let the look stay there

Chapter Twenty-One

I finish proofing my essay and click save I closeI don’t have a decision made I don’t have a choice I wantboth So I ait it out I nod at myself, like a crazy wo Sebastian’s atte me to come over I knohat he wants and I don’t know if I can do it Not so soon after doing it with Eli I’m not like Shell

I pick up es and voiceave it to him without Eli’s permission I’m a rebel

The newest text is fro the request thought, I get up, pull on my coat and run down the stairs When I cross the street, to where Stuart stands outside the SUV, I notice he looks different Less of everything, confidence, life, energy, and evensad and e us are plenty but it feels like I can hear the snow falling in our little world, where it’s just he and I on the sidewalk I touch his coat sleeve and s toIf she didn’t want you jealous, she wouldn’t be flaunting him about"

His eyes flinch, "I just messed up so bad I should have told her about it I should have just made her more than hi scared She is a terrible actress Terrible I would have seen through her act I wouldn’t have feared for "

He looksain"

I shake my head, "It worked Do you kno hard it was to live with the lonely? Everyday was the biggest disappointment Everyday those eyes haunted me but I couldn’t place them The curtain in my mind was more like a steel wall You saved me, Stuart And she will come around when she sees that"

He opens the door, "Thanks" I lean in on my tiptoes and kiss his cheek, "Thank you You alill be the hands in the dark that saved me from the lonely" I climb in and wait

He drives us in silence

My jaw clenches seeing Eli’s building My pal but when he opens the door I cliainst

I cross to the foyer, slowly and press the button When the doors open he’s standing inside He holds a hand out of the elevator doors I put my hand in his He squeezes and pulls me inside The doors close The silence is thick and painful

"I’m sorry" He says, maybe to me, maybe to the elevator I don’t look at him I look at our bizarre reflections in the brushedwhat it looked like ere crawling all over each other

The elevator dings and he pulls uarantee no one ever sits in but s undy leather in silence It doesn’t feel like es on’t ever say to each other We don’t talk like nor norlance at the snow on my boots and frown, "I should take my shoes off"

"No" He says it brusquely

I flinch He sighs and speaks Still not looking athow I sit so I can see him He looks different I don’t have an answer I just pray he speaks again so I don’t have to

"What do you want, Sarah?"

I shake my head, "What do you mean?" My voice is timid and seneral What do you want?"

I think he’s about to say he won’t spank rip on my hand is firain I want his skin against mine

"I want you" I whisper It’s ballsy and I’ve never been ballsy

He nods, "You want the things I can offer? You can live without the others?"

My mind halts, the others? Does he mean the wishes I made a thousand ti? Can I live without it?

"No I want both" I need to choose me

He shakes his head, "There’s no both There’s what’s here and what’s out there"

"Why do you want me? You have all that stuff down that hallway for a reason You have all those things for a reason You obviously didn’t get them to be with me You’ve had theirls to submit to you" I don’tand intense, like a roller coaster would be

A grin plays with his lips, "It’s not so I care to discuss or explain"