Page 5 (1/2)

I frown, "What if we have a date the saht?"

"Then he cancels his You will remain in the dorms if he and Miss Monkton are out Are we clear?"

"Yup"

"Yup, is piss poor English Goodnight, sweet dreams"

He has never said that before He was shitty like he always is, but he’s never said sweet dreas up like always and I just stare at the phone

Shell doesn’t coular bases, but the first night in a new place is always the worst It’s a guarantee that I won’t sleep

It’s what I call the lonely It creeps up whenever I’m uncomfortable It freezes me up I feel it enter new places withI packed The broken bits of whatever it is inside of me, the lack of trust maybe, have never healed Nineteen years of life, alet past it It’s part of who I am

The difference between it and the phobias is the lonely is genuine It’s been part of me always The phobias were learned over time

My phone vibrates, as I’lance at it, ’Go to sleep’

I look at the phone, grinning He always knows I look around the roo How does he do it? How does he know? Maybe he is Big Brother and I am in 1984

When I pick up the phone I can’t believe it’s three a, ’You first’

’I aers almost tremble with anticipation and fear as I textabout?’

’You’

My heart skips a beat I have a fantasy I can’t lie It’s a deep dark fantasy that I never leta Duke or a Baron who is bent on helping me, but like the Phanto to be there for me He wants me

I think it’s a common dream with orphans Not to mention we are forced to watch e Aet a wicked grin as I text hiht be a baron or a duke He uy who sleeps with his dead ht away

’Sleeping and not annoying the living hell out of ht’ is the last e I receive

I leave it at that I turn the phone off even though I’m not supposed It’s one of his rules I hate that I have to obey hi him I hate that he really is the only chance I have at a real future Instead of ending up as a waitress in New Mexico

I stare at the ceiling and then try pacing I watch another movie and then when I can’t keep er, I do it I turn off the TV and close my eyes Let s me, wraps me in fears and doubts I rerateful we arrived a week early I can’t io to school as exhausted as I am My eyes are crusty and h the door with a srateful to see her She is od, Eainst the door and sighs Her red face and dirty grin speak volumes

My eyes won’t stay open I oing down

She is gone again I yawn and stretch and turn the phone on I climb out of bed and check underneath them both and in the closets The phone vibrates, undoubtedly, with the es he sent me while it was off He’s nore it and takea tiny stand for nity

I’only a flash of Michelle’s stressed out face and then close tight, taking loads of soap in I cry out fro behindAss" I pull the curtain closed My face is on fire and et you if you don’t answer that phone" She sounds panicked "Seriously, Stuart just texted "

"You think he’s furu is stopping the burning I blink and bat them, but it still hurts I wrench back the curtain and cuss some more under my breath I pull on my robe and stomp across the bathroom in my rubber shower shoes I leave my shoes next to the door just inside the roory I could spit flahtest spark, I would have fla from my nostrils I wish I did have flas and sanitize like the kosher chefs do on TV

I grab the phone off the bed and dial the nue, "YOU EVER TURN THAT DAMN PHONE OFF AGAIN AND I WILL COME AND GET YOU NO MATTER WHERE YOU ARE! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?" His voice sounds so different I hardly recognize hi the phone I don’t cry for other people I don’t cry unless I’m in pain, horrid amounts of physical pain I refuse to allowindown I take a breath and pick up the phone

He speaks softly after I hold it to my face for ato shout like that You scared ain his voice is so altered, I alenuinely sorry I can hear it It doesn’t change the fact I aenuinely terrified

I don’t speak I cannot

"I can hear you breathing I know you’re upset Close your eyes Just like Doctor Bradley says Close thely but he can’t He isn’t a soothing person

"You’re an asshole" I whisper My eyes pop open when I realize what I’ve said He laughs into the phone

"Don’t turn it off again, okay?"