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He had his woht next to his oh-so-massive bed He wanted her naked and between the sheets

"Kerrick," shehis biceps "What changed … for you, I ether now? Iwas different the moment you returned to the Cave, but what?"

He looked into her eyes, her beautiful blue eyes riold and still ith tears He slid his hand behind her nape and with his thumb stroked her cheek He loved her socamps, I moved into this rooo" She shifted slightly and glanced at the bed She sighed and returned her gaze to hi about her, about Helena, about the kinds of things she used to say to uments she’d used to persuade me to marry her She was fearless, Alison But more than that, she had accepted her death, a lesson I needed to learn, especially if I wanted to be with you as well as to have a shared life with our daughter

"I need you to understand that the warrior drive to protect is like--well, it’s as powerful as the shield you set up to defeat Leto With that drive coness to accept failure"

She sed hard "So, for you, Helena’s death, and the deaths of your children, was a failure"

His heart sank "An enormous one"

"But Kerrick--"

"No Don’t try to soothe the pain You can’t and I’ood with it, I really am, but I won’t pretend that their deaths didn’t create a chas up and down her back "The truth is, I could not have taken this step with anyone other than you, because of the powers and abilities you possess I could never have ain because I know in my heart the results would have been the saether see as it did with you, frames that miracle Who you are, with your powers and abilities, is the reason I can take this step today, the only reason Nothing less would have ether possible

"So I find rateful beyond words for you For You"

Here he paused and took in a shaky breath "Even with all that, however, I still had to take one ardless of your powers or ht or left, if either of us should commit a miscalculation or misinterpretation like the one at the palace, then that is hoiftly our tiether ends Which hter--would have to bear the results of death and separation

"So what I chose, instead of losing you, was to let o, as iven toto say is that I’ve accepted hter’s, and that despite , I want to be with you today, to know you, to love you, to have you in ether"

He looked down at her, willing her to know just how sincere he was She rose up and kissed hiain and kissed her back "So what of you?" he said "What changed for you?"

Alison struggled to find the words For one thing, she was still wrapped up in everything he had just said, his words a blanket of co fear and confession and acceptance that she was overwhelht her own situation through More tears tracked down her cheeks, for him and for her

She wiped them aith the tissue that had practically becoot rid of the luht a fresh tissue to her Once more she blew her nose and wiped her cheeks Her forearainst the ridges of his weapons harness, the hilt of his dagger between them She looked up at him "I don’t suppose you could lose the harness"

"Absolutely" A vibration touched her arms and the next moment she landed on skin She slid her arainst his

He ain, a blessed cage of solace and reassurance

She searched for the words to explain At last, she began "The reality of having destroyed your chest and abdomen wrecked me, tore my confidence to shreds The last day I ith you in the hospital, I was convinced I could never be with you because I could never again trustbecause all those field exercises, the hours in the gyrief at being separated from you But once on my cot, for those few minutes I had before sleep plowed over s and despair returned in full force I would break into a sweat and tears would pour from my eyes My need for you, to be as close to you as I ain to explain how hard it was

"Then sleep would coht the sale, and ended the sa, , however, before the death va h questions, like wouldn’t it be better to live full-out than to retreat into a pit of despair, and retreating hat I’d been doing my whole life And yes, I’ll cut myself some slack and say it was necessary on Mortal Earth, but here, on Second, ever since I was forced to battle Leto, soed In that iven, the breadth of my powers--but more than that, I loved that I could just be ht I had only one choice … to retreat into myself, to live a quiet, relatively obscure life as I had on Mortal Earth, in order to protect everyone around me

"Kerrick, I can’t live that life anyed I want to live fearlessly, like Helena I know I have a lot to learn aboutin despair On the other hand, I have to ask, aren’t you afraid I’ll hurt you again?"