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"That … can’t be right"

She shrugged "Do the math"

"And yes, just to settle the issue, I do miss you"

"I know"

"There’s nobody here to ruin movies for me"

Amy had a superhuman ability to pick out the one flaw in a ain During a single weekend’s George Lucas marathon, she pointed out to me that if Indiana Jones had just stayed home, Raiders of the Lost Ark would have turned out exactly the saotten vaporized Then, during The Empire Strikes Back, she paused the ," which is impossible, she said, because there’s no way that ship should be called an "X-Wing" based on it being physically shaped like the English letter "X" since an ancient race of people in a distant galaxy would never have seen that letter before Jesus, I’ her sound like a bitch

To the webcaotten to the part where they teach you to make computer viruses? Because I have people I want to send thera syste I’ve coded so far counts as one Oh, did you know you could hack the phone system with a Cap’n Crunch whistle?"

"Uh, is that like hacker slang or…"

"No, the phones back in the seventies did everything by tones, the different frequencies and stuff told the system how to route the calls and all that So there was a hacker naured out that the little plastic toy whistles they were putting in boxes of Cap’n Crunch had the exact sa to end charges on a call He got free long distance for like two years just by blowing his toy whistle into the phone every ti to try that See, this is the type of stuff colleges should be teaching"

"Well they’ve updated the phone system since then"

"Oh"

We sat in silence for ato think of a way to work the conversation back around to your therapy again"

I said, "I love you"

She said, "I know"

"Actually, toroup session I’ll probably have to wax beforehand"

"Gross"

"Sorry"

"Thoughhere on a webcam without any pants on"

I said, "Oh, really?"

"Wanna see?"

"Yes Yes I do"

30 Hours Prior to Outbreak

There exists in this world a spider the size of a dinner plate, a foot wide if you include the legs It’s called the Goliath Bird-Eating Spider, or the "Goliath Fucking Bird-Eating Spider" by those who have actually seen one

It doesn’t eat only birds--it mostly eats rats and insects--but they still call it the "Bird-Eating Spider" because the fact that it can eat a bird is theyou need to know about it If you run across one of these things, like in your closet or crawling out of your bowl of soup, the first thing sooddamned bird"

I don’t kno they catch the birds I know the Goliath Fucking Bird-Eating Spider can’t fly because if it could, it would have a different name entirely We would call it "sir" because it would be the dominant species on the planet None of us would leave the house unless a Goliath Fucking Flying Bird-Eating Spider said it was okay

I’ve seen one of those things in person, at a zoo when I was in high school I was fifteen,fatter by the day, staring open-e Big as both ofeach other in the ar behindbut a pane of glass betweenFor ht, for hairy legs as thick as a finger poking out froazines I iined--no, expected--to find strands of spiderweb as thick as fishing line inwith clus in my shoes, the little turds laced with bits of feather Or piles of pink eggs, yolked with baby spiders already the size of golf balls And even now, ten years later and at the age of twenty-five, I still glance between the sheets at night before pushingfor the huge spider crouching in the shadows