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INTRODUCTION

I’VE ALWAYS BEEN FASCINATED BY spiders I used to collect theh the dusty old shed at the bottoed predators When I found one, I’d bring it in and let it loose in my bedroom

It used to drive my mom crazy!

Usually, the spider would slip away after no ain, but soer I had one who uard for aline the spider creeping down, crawling into s in my belly The baby spiders would hatch after a while and eatscared when I was little

When I was nine, ave , but it was the greatest gift I’d ever received I played with that spider al hour of the day Gave it all sorts of treats: flies and cockroaches and tiny worms Spoiled it rotten

Then, one day, I did so a cartoon in which one of the characters was sucked up by a vacuu, dusty and dirty and mad as hell It was very funny

So funny, I tried it myself With the tarantula

Needless to say, things didn’t happen quite like they did in the cartoon The spider was ripped to pieces I cried a lot, but it was too late for tears My pet was dead, it wasI could do about it

My parents practically hollered the roof dohen they found out what I’d done - the tarantula had cost quite a lot of money They said I was irresponsible, and froain let arden spider

I started with that tale from the past for two reasons One will become obvious as this book unfolds The other reason is:

This is a true story

I don’t expect you to believe me - I wouldn’t believe itI describe in this book happened, just as I tell it

The thing about real life is, when you do so stupid, it normally costs you In books, the heroes can make as many mistakes as they like It doesn’tworks out in the end They’ll beat the bad guys and put things right and everything ends up cool

In real life, vacuum cleaners kill spiders If you cross a busy road without looking, you get whacked by a car If you fall out of a tree, you break some bones

Real life’s nasty It’s cruel It doesn’t care about heroes and happy endings and the way things should be In real life, bad things happen People die Fights are lost Evil often wins

I just wanted to : ’s true in this book, except for nae theet to the end, you’ll understand

I haven’t used any real names, not mine, my sister’s,to tell you the name of my town or country I don’t dare

Anyway, that’s enough of an introduction If you’re ready, let’s begin If this were aand owls hooting and rattling noises under the bed But this is a real story, so I have to begin where it really started

It started in a toilet