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Chapter Sixteen

After they done finished cookin big Sa us between long poles an carried us off like pigs into the jungle

"What do you spose they intend to do with us?" Major Fritch call out to ive a shit," I call back, an that were about the truth I’m tired of all this crappola A man can take jus so much

Anyhow, after about a day or so we coht expec, they has got a bunch of little tiny huts in a clearin in the jungle They truck us up to a hut in the center of the clearin where there is a bunch of pyg white beard an no teeth settin up in a high chair like a baby I figger hiroun an untied us, an we stood up an dusted ourselfs off an the king of the pyget down froht up to Sue an kick him in the balls

"How come he done that?" I axed Grurck, who had learnt to speak solish wile he was livin with Major Fritch

"Hiirl," Grurck say

I figger there must be a nicer way to find that out, but I ain’t sayin nothin

Then the king, he coet kicked in the balls too, but Grurck say, "Him want to knohy you livin with them awful cannibals"

"Tell him it weren’t exactly our idea," Major Fritch pipe up an say

"I got a idea," I says "Tell him we is A an he be peerin at us real hard, an then he axe Grurck somethin

"What’s he say?" Major Fritch want to know

"Him axe what the ape plays," say Grurck

"Tell him the ape plays the spears," I say, an Grurck do that, an then the king of the pyget out my harmonica an start playin a little tune - "De Camies listen for a minute, then he start clappin his hans an doin what look to be a clog dance

After I’m finished, he say he wants to knohat Major Fritch an Grurck plays, an I tell Grurck to say Major Fritch plays the knives an that Grurck don’t play nothin - he is the mies look sort of puzzled an say he ain’t never heard of anybody playin knives or spears before, but he tell his ive Sue some spears an Major Fritch some knives an let’s see what sort of et the spears an knives, I say, "Okay - now!" an ole Sue conk the king of the pygmies over the head with his spear an Major Fritch threatened a couple of pygle with the pygmies be thowin all sorts of rocks an shit at us frouns an such Suddenly we coo, an the pygmies are catchin up fast We is bout to jump into the river an swim for it, when suddenly fro out

The pyg out an they turn tail an run back into the jungle We be lookin across the river an lo an behole on the other bank they is a couple of fellers wearin bush jackets an thele They step into a canoe an be paddlin towards us, an as they get closer, I seen one of theot NASA stamped on his pith helmet We is finally rescued

When the canoe reach our shore, the guy with NASA staht up to ole Sue an stick out his han an say, "Mister Gump, I presume?"

"Where the fuck has you assholes been?" hollared Major Fritch "We been stranded in the jungle nearly four goddamn years!"

"Sorry bout that, ot our priorities, too, you know"

Anye is at last saved from a fate worse than death, an they loaded us up in the canoe an started paddlin us downriver One of the fellers say, "Well folks, civilization is just aroun the corner I reckon you’ll all be able to sell your stories to a azine an make a fortune"

"Stop the canoe!" Major Fritch suddenly call out

The fellers look at one another, but they paddle the canoe over to the bank

"I have made a decision," Major Fritch say "For the first time in my life, I have found a o For nearly four years, Grurck an I have lived happily in this land, an I have decided to stay here with hile an make a new life for ourselfs, an raise a family an live happily ever after"

"But this man is a cannibal," one of the fellers say

"Eat your heart out, buster," says Major Fritch, an she an Grurck get out of the canoe an start back into the jungle again, han in han Jus before they disappeared, Major Fritch turn aroun an give Sue an o

I looked back to the end of the canoe, an ole Sue is settin there twistin his fingers

"Wait a o back an set down on the seat nex to Sue an say, "What you thinkin bout?"

Sue ain’t sayin nothin, but they is a little bitty tear in his eye, an I knowed then as bout to happen He grapped , an then leaped out of the boat an ran up a tree on the shore Last we seen of hile on a vine

The feller from NASA be shakin his head "Well, what about you, nuonna follow your friends there into Bonzoland?"

I looked after them for a minute, then I said, "Uh, uh," an set back down in the canoe Wile they was paddlin us away, don’t you believe I didn’t think bout it for a ot other weenies to roast

They flown me back to A welcome home reception for me, but seeh tho, soon as we landed in Washington bout a million people was on han, cheerin an clappin an actin like they is glad to seeole black car an said they was takin me to the White House to see the President Yep, I been there before too

Well, e get to the White House, I’m expectin to see the same ole President what fed me breakfast an let ot a new President now - feller with his hair all slicked back, puffy little cheeks an a nose look like Pinocchio’s

"Telltrip?"

A feller in a suit standin next to the President lean over an whisper somethin to him, an suddenly the President say, "Oh, ah, accually what I reat it is that you have escaped frole"

The feller in the suit whisper somethin else to the President, an he say to me, "Er, nohat about your companion?"

"Sue?" I say

"Was that her name?" Now he be lookin at a little card in his han "Says here it was a Major Janet Fritch, and that even as you were being rescued she was dragged off into the jungle by a cannibal"