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Lyra and Will each aith a heavy dread: it was like being a conde fixed for the execution Tialys and Sal them moths lassoed near the anbaric lamp over the oil drum outside, flies cut from spiderwebs, and water in a tin plate When she saw the expression on Lyra’s face and the way that Pantalai himself close to her breast, the Lady Sal to come and speak with her Will, meanwhile, left the hut to walk about outside
"You can still decide differently," said Salmakia
"No, we can’t We decided already," said Lyra, stubborn and fearful at once
"And if we don’t come back?"
"You don’t have to co to abandon you"
"Then what if you don’t co important"
Lyra was silent She hadn’t really looked at the Lady before; but she could see her very clearly now, in the s on the table just an arth away Her face was calm and kindly, not beautiful, not pretty, but the very sort of face you would be glad to see if you were ill or unhappy or frightened Her voice was low and expressive, with a current of laughter and happiness under the clear surface In all the life she could remember, Lyra had never been read to in bed; no one had told her stories or sung nursery rhyht But she suddenly thought now that if ever there was a voice that would lap you in safety and warm you with love, it would be a voice like the Lady Salmakia’s, and she felt a wish in her heart to have a child of her own, to lull and soothe and sing to, one day, in a voice like that
"Well," Lyra said, and found her throat choked, so she sed and shrugged
"We’ll see," said the Lady, and turned back
Once they had eaten their thin, dry bread and drunk their bitter tea, which was all the people had to offer them, they thanked their hosts, took their rucksacks, and set off through the shanty town for the lakeshore Lyra looked around for her death, and sure enough, there he alking politely a little way ahead; but he didn’t want to co back to see if they were following
The day was overhung with a glooht, and wraiths and strea rose dis like forlorn lovers to the anbaric cables overhead They saw no people, and few deaths, but the dragonflies skiether with invisible threads, and it was a delight to the eyes to watch their bright colors flashing back and forth
Before long they had reached the edge of the settleh bare-twigged scrubby bushes Occasionally they would hear a harsh croak or a splash as some amphibian was disturbed, but the only creature they saas a toad as big as Will’s foot, which could only flop in a pain-filled sideways heave as if it were horribly injured It lay across the path, trying toat them as if it knew they meant to hurt it
"It would be merciful to kill it," said Tialys "How do you know?" said Lyra "It "
"If we killed it, we’d be taking it with us," said Will "It wants to stay here I’ve killed enough living things Even a filthy stagnant pooldead"
"But if it’s in pain?" said Tialys
"If it could tell us, we’d know But since it can’t, I’s rather than the toad’s"
Theysound their footsteps h the est eyes he couldhi no
Suddenly they all heard a little wave breaking It was quiet, but it was very close by The dragonflies returned with their riders to the children, and Pantalaimon crept into Lyra’s breast as she and Willthe slimy path
And then they were at the shore The oily, scummy water lay still in front of theuidly on the pebbles
The path turned to the left, and a little way along,of the mist than a solid object, a wooden jetty stood crazily out over the water The piles were decayed and the planks were green with sli beyond it; the path ended where the jetty began, and where the jetty ended, the uided the before she could ask him what to do next
"Listen," said Will
There was a slow, repetitive sound out on the invisible water: a creak of wood and a quiet, regular splash Will put his hand on the knife at his belt andplanks Lyra followed close behind The dragonflies perched on the teed-covered uardians, and the children stood at the end of the jetty, pressing their open eyes against theto brush their lashes free of the drops that settled on theetting closer and closer
"Don’t let’s go!" Pantalaimon whispered
"Got to," Lyra whispered back
She looked at Will His face was set hard and grier: he wouldn’t turn aside And the Gallivespians, Tialys on Will’s shoulder, Salonflies’ wings were pearled with mist, like cobwebs, and from time to time they’d beat them quickly to clear theht She hoped there would be food for them in the land of the dead
Then suddenly there was the boat
It was an ancient rowboat, battered, patched, rotting; and the figure rowing it was aged beyond age, huddled in a robe of sacking bound with string, crippled and bent, his bony hands crooked permanently around the oar handles, and his ray skin
He let go of an oar and reached his crooked hand up to the iron ring set in the post at the corner of the jetty With the other hand he ainst the planks
There was no need to speak Will got in first, and then Lyra came forward to step down, too
But the boatman held up his hand
"Not him," he said in a harsh whisper
"Not who?"
"Not hi directly at Pantalaimon, whose red-brown stoat form immediately became ermine white
"But he is me!" Lyra said
"If you come, he must stay"
"But we can’t! We’d die!"
"Isn’t that what you want?"
And then for the first ti This was the real consequence She stood aghast, trehtly that he whimpered in pain
"They" said Lyra helplessly, then stopped: it wasn’t fair to point out that the other three didn’t have to give anything up
Will atching her anxiously She looked all around, at the lake, at the jetty, at the rough path, the stagnant puddles, the dead and sodden bushes Her Pan, alone here: how could he live without her? He was shaking inside her shirt, against her bare flesh, his fur needing her warmth Impossible! Never!
"He ain
The Lady Salonfly skiunwale of the boat, where Tialys joined her They said so to the boatman Lyra watched as a condemned prisoner watches the stir at the back of the courtrooer with a pardon
The boatman bent to listen and then shook his head
"No," he said "If she comes, he has to stay"
Will said, "That’s not right We don’t have to leave part of ourselves behind Why should Lyra?"
"Oh, but you do," said the boatman "It’s her misfortune that she can see and talk to the part she must leave You will not know until you are on the water, and then it will be too late But you all have to leave that part of yourselves here There is no passage to the land of the dead for such as hiht with her: We didn’t go through Bolvangar for this, no; hoe ever find each other again?
And she looked back again at the foul and dismal shore, so bleak and blasted with disease and poison, and thought of her dear Pan waiting there alone, her heart’s co her disappear into theHer passionate sobs didn’t echo, because thethe shore in innumerable ponds and shallows, in wretched broken tree stued creatures that lurked there heard her full-hearted cry and drew theround, afraid of such passion
"If he could corief, but the boatman shook his head
"He can come in the boat, but if he does, the boat stays here," he said
"But hoill she find hiain?"
"I don’t know"
"When we leave, e come back this way?"
"Leave?"
"We’re going to cooing to come back"
"Not this way"
"Then some other way, but ill!"
"I have taken millions, and none came back"
"Then we shall be the first We’ll find our way out And since we’re going to do that, be kind, boatman, be compassionate, let her take her daemon!"
"No," he said, and shook his ancient head "It’s not a rule you can break It’s a law like this one" He leaned over the side and cupped a handful of water, and then tilted his hand so it ran out again "The law that makes the water fall back into the lake, it’s a law like that I can’t tilt my hand and make the water fly upward No more can I take her daemon to the land of the dead Whether or not she co: her face was buried in Pantalaionfly and prepare to spring at the boatreed with the spy’s intention; but the old man had seen him, and turned his ancient head to say:
"Howpeople to the land of the dead? D’you think if anything could hurt me, it wouldn’t have happened already? D’you think the people I take cole and cry, they try to bribeworks You can’t hurtas you will Better co; take no notice ofthe cruelest thing she had ever done, hating herself, hating the deed, suffering for Pan and with Pan and because of Pan; trying to put hi his cat claws fro Will closed his ears: the sound was too unhappy to bear Time after time she pushed her dae
She could turn back
She could say no, this is a bad idea, we mustn’t do it
She could be true to the heart-deep, life-deep bond linking her to Pantalaimon, she could put that first, she could push the rest out of her mind -
But she couldn’t
"Pan, no one’s done this before," she whispered shiveringly, "but Will says we’re co back and I swear, Pan, I love you, I se’re co back - I will - take care, my dear - you’ll be safe - ill come back, and if I have to spend every ain, I will, I won’t stop, I won’t rest, I won’t - oh, Pan - dear Pan - I’ve got to, I’ve got to"
And she pushed hihtened on the round