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6 The Varaph Hill
A flock of wild parrots lives in the city of San Francisco They are South Areen with a red head, a little seon
No one is quite sure how they came to the City It’s likely that they are the descendants of anile, then released to the city skies when they proved too wild to be kept as pets They fly over the northern waterfront of San Francisco, foraging for fruit, berries, and blossoe, over Pacific Heights, the Marina, Russian Hill, North Beach, and all the way to the Ferry Building near the Oakland Bay Bridge They are social, squawky, silly birds that mate for life and advertise their presence with a cacophony of beeps and cheeps that inspire ser in predators, rine falcons
The parrots spend their nights high in the trees of Telegraph Hill, beneath the great concrete phallus of Coit Tower, sheltered froreen canopy overhead, and from all but the most ambitious cats, by the sheer altitude But still, they are soht back, biting with their thick, built-for-seed-crushing beaks
Which is what happened
The nextafter he witnessed the cat attack in the SOMA, the Emperor of San Francisco akened froardens on Telegraph Hill, to hear parrots squawking in the trees The sun was just breaking the horizon behind the Bay Bridge, turning the water red-gold under a bluemist
The E, stood, and stretched, his great joints creaking in the cold like ancient church doors The ray cloak, snuffled the dawn, then, with the call of the parrots, resolved theent butterflies to search for the perfect spot for the first wee of the day
The three watched as fifty or so squawking parrots circled Coit Tower and headed out toward the E, burst into fla comets into Levi’s Plaza
"Well, you don’t see that every day," said the Ees The retriever was a doggy version of The Mues after his last encounter with the vaht, but the retriever had never spent a night away from the Emperor since they had found each other, and the vet had no accoe and burly monarch, let alone a feisty Boston terrier, so the three had bunked together under the carpet pad
Bu to: "I don’t like it"
As the fareen
7 The Fog Comes on Little Cat Feet and Whatnot
FOO
Stephen "Foo Dog" Wong’s fully bombed Honda drift er seat was filled by Jared Whitewolf, Abby’s backup BFF (BBFF, really)
"Did you have to get all white ones?" Jared asked He was six foot two, very thin, and paler than Death shagging a snowman The sides of his head were shaved and in thein his eyes unless he was lying on his back or looking up In addition to a floor-length black PVC cenobite coat, he was currently wearing Abby’s thigh-high red platforhts, as her current BFF What bothered Foo was not that Jared had on girl’s boots, but that he had on the boots of a girl with distinctly small feet
"Don’t those hurt?"
Jared tossed his hair out of his eyes "Well, it’s like Morrissey said, ’Life is suffering’"
"I think the Buddha said that"
"I’hties"
"No, it was the Buddha"
"Have you ever even seen a picture of the Buddha with shoes on?" Jared asked
Foo couldn’t believe he was having this argu this arguht fit you if you need to change shoes Let’s get the rats unloaded I have to get to work"
Jared already had four plastic cages with thite rats in each stacked on his lap, so he unfolded himself out of the Honda and wobbled on the red platforms to the fire door of the loft "Don’t try to paint thelas boxes as Foo opened the door for hiic"
"Tragic?" said Foo "I’d have never guessed Put the room I’ll borrow the truck fro tables to put theree inva out his Honda, Foo still worked part-ti people that they needed a bigger TV
"You still have that job?" Jared said as he stuuys have total fuck-you money"
Why did she tell him? She wasn’t supposed to tell hi? Why did she have to have friends at all? She’d given Jared five thousand dollars of Jody and Tommy’s money for Hanukkah-despite the fact that neither one of them was Jewish "Because I will not let mainstream society make me into the Christmas bitch of the zombie baby-Jebus, that’s why," she’d said "And because he helped me take care of the Countess and Lord Flood when they were in trouble"
"I need to keep my cover," Foo said "For tax purposes"
That was partially true He did need to keep up his cover, because, like Abby, he hadn’t actually told his parents that he’dat school, in the lab, or at work, that they hadn’t really noticed that he hadn’t been sleeping at hoer brothers and sisters, ere all carrying insane work and course loads His parents were all about toil As long as you were toiling, you were okay They could sht be able to get aith living in his own loft with his spooky-sexy girlfriend, and doing bizarre genetic experiments on the undead, but if he quit his job they’d sense it in a second
It took Foo and Jared twenty et all the rats up the steps and lined up around the living roo to hurt thees so he was eye to eye with its occupants
"We’re going to turn them into vampires"
"Oh, cool Now?"
"No, not now For now, you’re going to need to feed them and es," Foo said
"Then what?" Jared asked, tossing his hair out of his eyes
"Then you can go home," said Foo "You don’t need to observe them full-tio ho over at Abby’s"
Foo was suddenly horrified at the thought of having to spend the night in the loft with a hundred rats, two bronzed vao home and leave Jared to watch the rats-make an appearance at home for the parents, so as to throw theirlfriend lifestyle
"You can stay here, then," Foo said "I’ll be back in the "
"What about theures of Jody and Tommy
"What about theet to finish telling JodyJody the first part of the novel he was going to write, an erotic horror story that starred himself and his pet rat, Lucifer 2
"Okay," said Foo He didn’t really like thinking about the two people, well, vampires, but they seemed a lot like people, that he’d helped iave hihly unscientific "But no touching," he added
Jared pouted and sat down on the futon, about the only spot in the entire living-rooes "Okay, but will you help o?"
Foo shuddered It had been less than an hour since the cops led Abby away and already heHow could hormones and hydrostatic pressure make you feel like this? Love was very unscientific
"Sorry," Foo said "Gotta jet" A true hero, the kind Abby accused hi, he kneould have helped Jared
JARED
Abby Normal had once offered to pay for a tattoo for Jared that read: Danger Do not administer caffeine without adult supervision
Jared asked, "Can it be in red? Does it have to be on the forehead? Maybe on the side so I can growereen fur iPod cases at Urban Outfitters I love white chocolate ed to death behind a clown car Oh fuck, I’ic to this eyeliner I could cry"