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"Mess?" I barely held backscheme This is Goodwill meets the Habitat for Hu artist in the city It’s definitely a e to sain

"Fine, if it’s a mess, it’s a beautiful mess" I conceded

"My dad will be so happy to hear that" He shook his head atroo away at his drued it into his amp I looked down at ner wedge boots Then I thought aboutvery crucial I wasn’t either of those people I was this person Whoever lived in this house, that’s who I was

And for apeace, like suddenly I knew exactly who I was and what I wanted out of life And surprisingly it was

Suddenly I didn’t just want freedom, or escape

I wanted a house, and people to love

And sos being tuned broke through the incessant drum beats and I forcedbecause this wasn’t an abstract daydream, I knew the person that lived here It eird that I wanted to be him

Or have his life

Or be a part of his life

No No… I just wasn’t used to being in a happy hoh school house parties were hardly the testa family and any other time I was invited into a house ith soia Nostalgia for so later And Hudson can’t ht," Ryder explained when Phoenix finally stopped ht you could try it out with us first, Red, and then when you’re comfortable with the rest of the band"

"Sure," I et back to business "I don’t think it will make a difference, but whatever you want Do you at least have sheetup" My tone was ihts insideI could never have seriously messed

"No one expected you to be," Ryder’s voice had that patient, gentle tone again, like he kneas going through so rooh a lot of crap I faced dangerous situations soer He didn’t need to treat loves

"So, sheet estured with his chin and I dutifully walked over to get the sht?" I heard Phoenix ask in a muffled voice once my back was turned

Ryder didn’t respond, so I alain when Phoenix’s voiceon this side of the room

"Why not?" Phoenix’s voice dropped lower, al I couldn’t understand from here and my curiosity peeked further

"Why do you think that?" Phoenix asked, outraged I heard Ryder shush hiht up "You’re crazyPhoenix ed his dru broke up whatever they were talking about and practically burst et to this," Ryder commanded suddenly as if the cymbal crash never happened

Or maybe Phoenix did that all the time and Ryder was just used to it I was not used to it and half expected

"Sure," I answered unenthusiastically

I walked over to where a decent Korg was set up facing the drum set There were about a million buttons on the top of the instruh octaves long I struggled to hide ers into and an easy C cord and pressed down The sudden loudness of the cord made me jump and release the keys The sound i happened, there just wasn’t sound anyht?" Ryder asked deadpan

"Oh yeah, lots of tiuilty about it

I ignored the look Ryder and Phoenix were giving each other and took a breath to settledown the sound so it wouldn’t rival Phoenix’s cyain The keys were lighter than I was used to, there was no weight to press into, no heavy feeling of accoers pressed down, I wiggled the used to the width of each key When I finally felt like I could wrap my head around the plastic feel of the keys I lifted off and began ers in quick scales up and down the shortened octaves After a while I flexedin each joint

"Wow you’re really good," Phoenix cohed a bit exasperated

"Fine, let’s hear it then," Ryder coravelly voice I looked up and accidentally caught his eye He was staring atfor me tohim Only… I didn’t want tohim I wanted to walk across the room and kiss him Like attack him with kisses

What the hell?

Obviously those psychotic thoughts were enough to get me to move my ass Instead of Ryder’smyself into Piano Concerto by Tchaikovsky but immediately ran out of keys on the s e for that either so I improvised

"That’s beautiful," Ryder commented He walked across the sers moved nimbly across the cheap plastic keyboard

"At times," I murmured and then hit a section of harsh, discordant chords

Ryder laughed softly at the notes being played before they were switched back to light and airy and sweet again "What is it?"

I lifted ers toit "Roly breathy voice I cleared my throat and focused back on ers danced and flew, crossing over each other and then crossing back I didn’t have a pedalthe piece choppy and broken up and the very low notes and very high notes were absent leavinght up in the music, lost in the swell and intensity as the h what I pictured real life ro, difficult as real life set in, confusing, infuriating, discontented and then back to the best notes, the best sounds and ending with both hands on chords that complimented each other, that ers lay heavily on the last notes because once I reone That it would be quiet again And even as the last of the sound faded away I stared down atfor it

Ryder placed a hand on top of ers contrasted with the pale ivory of esture of coently

Ielse in the rooht in my throat His eyes were liquid pools of silver, intense and exposed all at the saain once he had my attention

"Thank you," Ithe words

Finally ers lifted from the keys and whatever was left of the faint sounds disappeared co obnoxiously before he stood and started whistling forI had never just had fun playing for anyone before My mother used my talent to iacies And I hadn’t taken private lessons in three years

"Thanks guys," I breathed, all of a sudden embarrassed