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Ella

I can remember the first time I wanted to kiss Micha as clearly as the day I found , but in two different ways

Micha and I had been sitting on the hood of his car at our secret spot tucked away in the trees, staring out at the lake It was harder than hell to get back to the spot, but the view and serenity made it worth it

It had been quiet between the two of us for a while, which was nor inside me over Micha’s latest hook up, Cassandra I’d never felt this way before and it puzzledspecial to Micha, but he’d told Ethan that she had the potential to be girlfriendme

Micha’s arms were tucked under his head and his eyes were shut as the sunlight beamed down on hi out As I stared at it the urge to runit drove me crazy

"I don’t like Cassandra," I abruptly sputtered out, sitting up quickly

Micha’s eyebrows knitted as his eyes gradually opened against the sunlight "Huh?"

"That Cassandra girl you were talking about the other day," I said, staring out at the water rippling in the gentle breeze "I don’t think you should date her"

He rose up on his elbows "Because you don’t like her?"

"No" I tucked strands of my auburn hair out of my eyes "I just don’t want you to date her"

The wind filled the silence Micha sat up and wrapped an arm around my shoulder

"Okay, I won’t," he said as if it was as si

I pressed back a s why the hell I was so happy Micha lay back down and dreith him I rested , steady as a rock, unlike er I stayed in his ar could hurtto fall in love with my best friend

It’s been a week since the car racing incident and I’ve been hiding out inon mac n’ cheese and Diet Dr Pepper Dean still hasn’t headed ho after the race She wanted to stay, but I didn’t want her to and I think her dad wasn’t too keen on the idea either

It’s been kind of lonely, though

I still haven’t listened to Micha’s voice on the screen torments me I decide to take a break fro to do for a while I want to sketch rave because I won’t always be close enough to visit it It’s been bothering uilty because it was me who put her there and then I just left her

I collect ht stand, slip on lasses, and head out the front door where I’m less likely to run into Micha It’s a warlitters with sunshine I walk up the sidewalk toward Cherry Hill and decide to make a last minute stop at Grady’s

I knock on the trailer door and A blue scrubs "Oh, hi Ella, I don’t think Grady’s up for any visitors today, sweetie"

"But he told me to stop by," I say stupidly "I know it’s a little later than I told him and I’m sorry"

"He’s not ot hih"

I shield my eyes from the sun and stare up at her "Is he okay?"

She sighs, leaning against the doorfrah day today, but try back in a few days, okay hun"

I nod and back down the steps as she shuts the door I stare helplessly at the back hich leads to Grady’s roo I can do I have no control over this Micha was right I can’t control everything

As horrid ih my mind, I run into the field and throw up

The town’s cemetery is located up on Cherry Hill, which on foot is quite a hike, but I enjoy the break from the reality of life There is no one up there - there hardly ever is I push through the gate and situate by a tree right in front of my mom’s headstone It’s a srass is covered with dry leaves

As I sketch the lines of the fence and the vines that coil it, I angle doard and draw the curve of her tos to the side of it, because she was always so fascinated with flying

A feeeks before her death, ave in even though I had plans that day It was sunny and the air s

She wanted to go to the bridge so alked all the way across town to the lake When we arrived there, she cli and spread her hands out to balance as her long auburn hair flapped in the wind

"Mo for the back of her shirt to pull her down

She sidestepped down the railing out of my reach and stared at the water below "Ella May, I think I can fly"

"Mo her very seriously at first

But when she turned her head and looked atShe really believed she could fly

I tried to stay as co s wobbled a little "It’s okay honey I’ll be fine I can feel it in my body that I can fly"

I took a cautious step toward her and e The ce out, but I didn’t look down at it I was too afraid to take my eyes off her "Mom, you can’t fly People can’t fly"

"Then s and feathers and they can carry me away and I can become one with the wind"

"You’re not a bird!" I shouted and reached for her again, but she hopped onto one of the beahIt was a far fall, one that would crush our bodies on impact, even in the water I braced my hands on the beaet down"

She shook her head "No, I’ to fly today"

A truck rolled up and stopped on the ed toward her Ethan jumped out and didn’t so much as flinch at the scenario "Hey, Mrs Daniels How’s it going?"

I gaped at hinored me "You know it’s not really safe out there"

My led her head to the side "I think I’ll be okay My wings will carry me away"

I was mortified, but Ethan didn’t"As much as that could be true, what if it’s not? Then what? I lanced back atthe options She stared at the dark water below her feet and then at the bright sky above her head "Maybe I should think about it for a little bit"

Ethan nodded "I think that’s probably a good idea"

She made a path across the bea Ethan helped her down and we got her into the backseat of his truck She fell asleep within ainst the chair

"How did you do that?" I asked quietly

"One of ht and I had to talk hi off the roof," he explained "It was all abouther realize that there was more than one scenario"

I nodded and we stayed quiet for the rest of the drive to ht it up to rateful for it

After a doctor’s visit, it was determined that my mother had started to suffer from ’Delusions of Grandeur,’ which happens sometimes in bipolar patients

I finally pull away froather my sketchpad and pencils and head down the hill In front of the arch iron entryway is Micha, sitting on the hood of hisjeans, and a black and red plaid shirt His head is tipped down and wisps of his blonde hair cover his forehead as he messes around with his phone

I stop a little ways off fro here?"

His eyes lift fro for you"

"How did you knoas here?"

"I saw you leave with your sketchpad and head this way, so I came up to check on you"

I take a tentative step forward "How long have you been sitting here?"

He slides off the hood and puts his phone away "For a while, but I didn’t want to disturb you You looked too peaceful"

I pressto sketch him like I used to He would sit on my bed and it was like he owned ht, I think - "

He strides across the grass towardso ier covers my lips "Just let it be for a while, okay?"

Uncertain of his exact er fall fro away at the bottom of ed

I glance at the grey sky and the birds flying across it "That would be nice Thank you"

Micha

She’s preoccupied during the drive and so aot into the car about to do so down the street, and I followed her The way she walked was very entertaining, her auburn hair blowing in the wind, and the way she swayed her ass in the short deni her sit up on the hill and draw, but I can’t stop thinking about the phone conversation

"We should go somewhere," I announce e drive onto the main road

Ella jolts in her seat and turns away froo ho it’ll win her over "Just come with me somewhere and we can relax"

She’s tempted "Where exactly?"

I turn the volume of the stereo down and letwheel "To our spot by the lake"

"But it takes forever to get there" Her eyes rise to the dark sky "And it’s getting late"

"Since when have you been afraid of the dark?"

"It’s not the dark I’h and downshift "Come on, just you and me We don’t even have to talk We can just sit in silence"