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I ring for a dinner tray, wriggle out of own Only then do I see the ebony box resting on the plush cushions of theseat It is a si white and gold ornaance lies in the perfection of its angles, in its seah shine It doesn’t bear his sylea lid to knohat’s inside

I wash my face, take down rooves of the cool wood floor beneath my feet All the while, the box lurks just out of lossy black beetle

The dinner tray arrives--a truffled cheese tart, wine-braised quail with crispy skin, and fish poached in butter The food is rich, as always, but it never bothers me No matter ht the la one wall--wool for winter, silk for summer, thick folds of satin and velvet for when I am still asked to parties There are two shelves stacked with rarely worn breeches and blouses, and a row of simple shifts made fortrousers

The rest of the closet has been converted into s I need for old leaf and coils of copper, tins of crushed carmine, and jars of pickled berries They smell dreadful when opened, but the colors stay pure There are other bottles too, full of s that I’ve buried near the back of the shelf There’s one in particular that I like to take out when the day has been long I olden color, its sweet cinnamon smell Dekora Nevich, I call it The Ornas of my kit, there’s plenty of rooowns stopped corew the layers of ruffles and puffed sleeves, and had to slouch to hide how tight rown, the way the hems rode up my ankles The effect was al I found one and a kefta, a Grisha’son old It was livery

I toldIt was just a color I h I was beautiful in this, as I was beautiful in everything else Besides, I had nothing else to wear

But I rong That colorIt was a coreet e that I’d entered a room It was an indelible line drawn betweenthat he could follow ainst the wall, that I was available for his use That there was no point to crying out

There were no good days any for the Queen’s call, dreading the King’s soft tread outside ht, before a party, I was su room I darkened her lashes with black walnut, tinted her lips with peonies grown for , keeping ht, and I’d been careful to style my own hair simply I suppose I could have made myself plain to please her, but soreen that night, darker at the hem, fresh as new leaves As I fastened the pearl buttons at her back, she said, "A lack of gratitude is unbecoives you"

I saw it then I understood She’d known it would happen Maybe froht me to the Little Palace She knew him and what he was, but I was the one she resented for it I stood there, paralyzed, buffeted by two co winds I wanted to fall tofor her protection I wanted to smash the mirror she feared so much and cut her face to ribbons with it, stuff her e ofI don’t knohere I found the audacity Even as I ran across the palace grounds, a voice inthat I would never be granted audience, that I should turn back around and forget thisto the Queen’s side, of spending the whole night withand recounting the line of buttons on that leaf green dress as she held court The thought drove my steps all the way to the Little Palace

I wanted to avoid the Grisha in the main hall, so I used the entrance that led directly to the war roouard, I regretted it The Darkling had given me to the Queen He would turn me away now, estured for me to follow hiroup of Grisha were leaving--Ivan and several high-ranking Etherealki and Heartrenders I didn’t know

I’d told nified I would plead my case rationally But when Ivan closed the door, I started to cry The Darkling ht have chastised me or turned his back But he put his arlass of water and waited until I was cal sip

"Do not let them humble you," he said softly

I’d had a speech prepared, a hundred things I wanted to say All of it went out ofthat came into my mind "I don’t want to wear this anymore," I pleaded "It’s a servant’s unifor back another sob He leaned forward and wiped the tears from my cheeks with the sleeve of his own kefta

"If you tell me you cannot bear this, then I will send you from here and you need never wear those colors or walk the halls of the Grand Palace again You will be safe, I pro "Safe?"

"Safe But I can proreatest soldier And if you stay, if you can endure this, one day all will know it" He liftedonce cut hih escapedover his lips "He wears it constantly--just for show, ets it is not a toy by his side, but a weapon" His face grew serious "I can promise you safety," he said "Or I can pro repaid a thousandfold" With the pad of his thumb, he brushed a stray tear from beneath my eye "You decide, Genya"

That choice was hard, but this one is easy

I straighten the rows of bottles and shut the closet door I cross to theWhen I press lass, I can see the lanterns lit across the palace grounds, and I can justin one of the ballrooh huh the dark, I entle slope, the golden domes that top the Little Palace

I think of Alina’s too-thin fingers gripping the edge of the sheet, the hope she can’t hide in her pale, expressive face as she writes out the tracker’s name