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So they lived Froht, fro of the lark, from the smell of the nettles to the scent of the pinecones, fro sun to the pale blue , Alexander and Tatiana so spent their lilac days

Alexander cut wood for her and s She made him blueberry pie and blueberry comp?te and blueberry pancakes The blueberries were plentiful that sus for her, and she made bread for him

They played dominoes They sat on Naira’s porch and played dominoes on the days it rained, and Tatiana beat Alexander every time, and no matter how hard he tried, he could not win Alone they played strip poker Tatiana always lost

They played war-hide-and-seek, Alexander’s favorite

Tatiana sewed him five more tops and t pairs of army skivvies "So you feel me under your uniforether

He taught her English He taught her poelish that he still remembered, some by Robert Frost: The woods are lovely, dark, and deep, but I have promises to keep

And soates shall stand aa fire in the cabin, Alexander would read Pushkin to her while she cooked dinner on their hearth, though eventually he stopped reading "The Bronze Horseman" It was too much for them both

In the book he had found a picture of hiiven to Dasha the year before The photo was of hi his medal of valor for Yuri Stepanov "IsTatiana the picture

"Hopelessly," she replied with a grin "Think about this, Shura," she said "When I was still a kid rowing on Lake Ilmen, you had already lost your father and mother, joined the ar on Lake Il on Lake Ilotten those wedding photos," Tatiana said

"Who has tio to Molotov?" re, but just the same the days sped on By the end they didn’t just speed on, they see had broken on the hands of the pitiless clock

Alexander and Tatiana did not speak about the future

No, not did not

Could not

Not after the war, not during the war, not after July 20 Alexander found himself barely able to speak to Tatiana about the next day They had no past They had no future They just were Young in Lazarevo

As they ate and played, and talked and told jokes, as they fished and wrestled, as they walked in the woods practicing Tatiana’s English and swam naked across the river and back, as he helped her with their laundry and the laundry of four old women, as he carried the water from the well for her and herandto be aroused by her, Alexander knew that he was living the happiest days of his life

He held no illusions Lazarevo was not going to coain, neither for hiht -- it was better to have them

Look at him

And look at her

Tatiana so ceaselessly and happily did for hihed -- even as their twenty-nine rief -- that Alexander had to wonder if she ever even thought about the future He knew she soht about Leningrad She had a stony sadness around her edges that she had not had before But for the future, Tatiana seemed to harbor a rosy hope, or at the very least a sense of hu? she would ask hi, Alexander would reply Nothing but growingfor A for a life with her, a life that was full of nothing else but her, a si able to smell her and taste her, to hear the lyre of her voice and see the honey of her hair To feel her staggering comfort All of it, every day

Could he find a way to turn his back on Tatiana and have her faithful face free hi, for killing her?

He felt punched in the gut when he watched her skip stark naked out of the cabin in theinto the river, and then get out and head across the clearing to hi her nipples hard fro to be held by hiritted his teeth and smiled and thanked God that when he pressed her to him, she could not see his contorted face

Alexander smoked and watched her fro? she would ask hi my pain into madness

His te her fetch and carry for other people Tatiana, seeing his displeasure, would only subli for hiet you? What else can I get you? What do you need?" caularity

He would say, no, I don’t need anything And she would coht it, and kiss the corner of his lip, her loving eyes centimeters away from his tortured ones Alexander wanted to say, stop, back away What will happen to you after I’one and you’re left without iven ?

Alexander knew that Tatiana didn’t kno to give to hiot Her devotion to him was indelible; her inability to hide her true self was the reason he fell in love with her in the first place Soon she would have to learn, Alexander thought, as he swung his ax and crashed it down hundreds of times a day Learn how to hide hirew upset with her over the pettiest things Her constant cheeriness vexed hi around with a little spring in her step He didn’t understand how she could be so carefree when she kneas leaving in fifteen days, ten days, five days, three days

He grew bitterly jealous of her; even he was surprised at hi at her He could not stand to see her s to Vova, ularity, but he couldn’t stay upset with her for five minutes The arsenal Tatiana carried to ease Alexander out of his bottoet close enough to her Not when they walked, not when they ate, not when they slept, not when theybetween intense tenderness and unrestrained lust, he needed her in to physically ache when he re circle or to help the old wo sweetness, her unconcealed vulnerability tore at Alexander’s heart All he hungered for was to feel her velvet flesh surround hirew unable to bear co her watch his To finish, he would repeatedly have to turn her over, because when he was behind her, she could not see hi her

To leave her was unthinkable

The question Alexander had asked hiet the answer to

At what price Tatiana?

In the beginning the ansas clear

Tatiana was the answer

But this wasn’t the beginning anyone to the fish plant, having heard there , walking around nu for her to co in her trunk for so at the very botto had been hidden The trunk had belonged to Tatiana’s grandfather, so Alexander didn’t give it ht at first, but when he removed the top layer of sheets and clothes and some papers and three books, he pulled out a black canvas backpack Immediately curious, he opened it Inside he found his old P-38 pistol, bottles of vodka, winter boots, cans of tushonka, dried crackers, a flask, and rubles There arm clothes, too, all dark-colored

Alexander s for her to return

He heard Tatiana before he saw her She was hu for her "Shura!" she called out to hi We’re going to have a feast tonight"

She skipped to hi in two, Alexander kissed her, thinking that her face felt a bit wet, and then showed her the backpack "What’s this?"

She stared at it "What?"

"This? What’s this?"

"Are you going through "

"I’ until you tell me what this is"

"Whether or not I tell you, we still have to eat It’ll take hed loudly "It’s a pack for ?"

"No" She put the herring down and sat on the bench

Alexander pulled out the drab, all-brown clothing and a brown hat "Why so attractive?" He sa she tensed

"Just to make myself more inconspicuous"

"More inconspicuous? You’d better hide those take-otten into you?" she asked

Alexander raised his voice "Where are you going, Tania?"

"I just want to be ready for anything"

"For what?"

"I don’t know," she said, lowering her gaze "To go with you"

"Go with asped

"Anywhere" She turned her eyes up "Anywhere you go," Tatiana said, "I will go with you"

Alexander tried to speak but couldn’t; he found hi back to the front"

She was looking down at the ground "Are you, Alexander?" she asked quietly without looking up

"Of course Where else would I be going?"

Her eyes stared at hi and stepping away fro too close to her left hi her backpack, "Tania, I’ave ave hi about you Americans," she said, "you always keep your word"

"Yes, that’s one thing about us," Alexander said bitterly "It’s no use talking about it You know I have to go back"

Shivering, Tatiana raised her seaweed eyes to hio back with you I’ll go back to Leningrad" She must have taken his speechlessness to ht if you were back at the barracks--"

"Tatiana!" he shouted, aghast "Are you joking? Are you fcking joking?"

Alexander was so upset that he had to walk away into the woods for a few ain When he ca Typical He wasHe walked up to her and knocked the fish hard out of her hands

"Ouch!" she yelled "Stop! What’s the matter with you?"

Alexander went back into the woods to cal, wash the sand and dirt off it, and proceed to clean it again

Returning, he took the daround, stood Tatiana up in front of him, and took her by the shoulders "Look at ht? Do you see what an effort it is?" He paused "What the hell are you thinking? You are not co back with me"

She shook her head, but the soft words that came out of her were "I am"

"No!" Alexander said "You’re absolutely not Not while there is breath in et it I will coh"

"No," she said "You will never come back You will die out there withouthere"

"Tania, ill let you go back? I won’t Did you forget that Leningrad is under full blockade? You can’t get back into Leningrad We’re still getting people out! Have you forgotten? Have you forgotten what Leningrad was? I can’t io, and you still wake up in the rad is still borad It’s very dangerous, and you are not going back there" He was panting

"Well, if you have another idea, let "

Alexander picked up the herring and was going to throw the whole darabbed his arm, and said, "No! It’s our dinner, and the old wo withher backpack upside down, he threw all of her supplies onto the ground

Tatiana watched hi to pick all that up?"

Without a word, Alexander picked up the clothes and shredded thehtened, Tatiana watched him from the bench "Oh, this is calm?" she said "Shura, I can , Alexander clenched his fist and bent down to her "God, are you deliberately trying to provokeup the backpack, he was about to rip it to shreds when Tatiana grabbed his arht on the blade, and said, "No No Please" She hung on to hi on the backpack She was no match for him, and Alexander was about to shove her away, but what stopped hi she was outmatched To stop her, Alexander would have had to hurt her He let her have the knife and the backpack

Out of breath, she went to clean the herring With his knife

Over at Naira’s for dinner, Alexander didn’t talk much; he was too upset When Tatiana asked him if he wanted some more blueberry pie, he snapped at her, "I said no!" and saw the reproach in her eyes He wanted to apologize but couldn’t

They didn’t speak as they walked through the woods, but at hoot into bed, Tatiana said, "You’re not still angry, are you?"

"No!" Alexander said He left his shorts on as he got under the covers and turned away from her

"Shura?" She stroked his back and kissed his head "Shura"

"I’ to sleep"

He didn’t want her to stop touching hi with her?

"Coonto his back withouther eyes, Alexander said, "Tatiana, I want you to proht here where it’s safe for you"

"You know I can’t stay here," she said quietly "I can’t be without you"