Page 57 (1/2)

4

Lazarevo was ten kiloh deep pine woods

The forest wasn’t just pine; it was mixed with elms and oaks and birches and nettles and blueberries all drifting their pleasing way into his senses Alexander walked carrying his rucksack, his rifle, his sideare tent and blanket, his helmet, and a sack filled with food from Kobona He could hear the nearby rush of the Ka, but by this point he needed to keepforward

He picked a few blueberries off the low bushes as he walked He was hungry It was very warm, very sunny, and Alexander was suddenly filled with a pounding hope He walked faster

The woods ended, and in front of hie road, flanked on both sides by s-down fences

To the left, past pines and ellimmer of the river, and past the river, past reen-covered Ural Mountains

He inhaled deeply Did Lazarevo s and fresh water and pine needles And fish Alexander saw the se

He continued down the road, passing a wo on the bench outside her house She stared at him; he understood How often did these people see a Red Arot up and said, "Oh, no! You’re not Alexander, are you?"

Alexander didn’t kno to answer that "Oh, yes," he finally said "I a for Tatiana and Dasha Metanova Do you knohere they live?"

The woman started to cry

Alexander stared at her "I’ll just ask so on

The woman ran after him in small steps "Wait, wait!" She pointed down the road "On Fridays they have a sewing circle in the village square Straight ahead, over there" Shaking her head, she walked back

"So they are alive?" Alexander said in a weak voice, flooded with relief

The wo her face, she ran back to her house

She said they? Theyhe asked for two sisters; she replied they Alexander slowed down, lighting a cigarette and taking a drink out of his flask He walked on but stopped before he got to the village square thirty ht up the road Not yet

If they were alive, then in ato have different probleined the, but first--

Alexander walked through soate, and was on the village back path He wanted to come a roundabout way to the square He wanted to see Tatiana for ahi able to look at Tatiana the way he wanted to look at her, without hiding

He wanted proof of God before God looked upon the reen canopy around the s wooden table Most o circle, thought Alexander, et a better look

He was obstructed fro lilac tree The flowers got into his face and nose Breathing in their ripe fragrance, he peeked out He did not see Dasha anywhere He saw four old woirl, and a standing Tatiana

At first Alexander could not believe it was his Tania He blinked and tried to refocus his eyes She alking around the table, gesturing, showing, leaning forward, bending over At one point she straightened out and wiped her forehead She earing a short-sleeved yellow peasant dress She was barefoot, and her slender legs were exposed above her knee Her bare arhtly tanned Her blonde hair looked bleached by the sun and was parted into two shoulder-length braids tucked behind her ears Even from a distance he could see the suly beautiful

And alive

Alexander closed his eyes, then opened the over the boy’s work She said sohed loudly, and Alexander watched as the boy’s arm touched Tatiana’s back Tatiana smiled Her white teeth sparkled like the rest of her Alexander didn’t knohat to do

She was alive, that was obvious

Then why hadn’t she written him?

And where was Dasha?

Alexander couldn’t very well continue to stand under a lilac tree

He went back out onto the arette, and walked toward the square, never taking his eyes off her braids His heart was thundering in his chest, as if he were going into battle

Tatiana looked up, saw him, and covered her face with her hands Alexander watched everyone get up and rush to her, the old ladies showing unexpected agility and speed She pushed them all away, pushed the table away, pushed the bench away, and ran to him Alexander was paralyzed by his eoing to fall to his knees and cry He dropped all his gear, including his rifle God, he thought, in a second I’ to feel her And that’s when he s into his open ar her off her feet with the force of his eh, couldn’t breathe in enough of her She flung her ar her face in his bearded cheek Dry sobs racked her entire body She was heavier than the last time he felt her in all her clothes as he lifted her into the Lake Ladoga truck She, with her boots, her clothes, coats, and coverings, had not weighed what she weighed now

She smelled incredible She sar

She felt incredible Holding her to hi a few pointless words "Shh, shhcome on, now, shh, Tatia Please" His voice broke

"Oh, Alexander," Tatiana said softly into his neck She was clutching the back of his head "You’re alive Thank God"

"Oh, Tatiana," Alexander said, hugging her tighter, if that were possible, his ar her summer body "You’re alive Thank God" His hands ran up to her neck and down to the small of her back Her dress was h it She felt very soft

Finally he let her feet touch the ground Tatiana looked up at him His hands reo of her Was she always this tiny, standing barefoot in front of hi shyly and touching his face

"I love your hair," Alexander said, pulling on a braid and s back

"You’re " He could not take his eyes off her glorious, eager, vivid lips They were the color of July tomatoes--

He bent to her--

With a deep breath Alexander reo of Tatiana and stepping slightly away

She frowned, looking at him

"Where’s Dasha, Tania?" he asked

What Alexander saw pass through her eyes thenthere was hurt and sadness and grief and guilt, and anger -- at hione, and then an icy veil clouded her eyes Alexander watched soainst hih her hands were still tre, her voice was steady and low "Dasha died, Alexander I’m sorry"

"Oh, Tania I’m sorry" Alexander reached out to touch her, but she backed away froered away from him

"What?" he said, perplexed "What?"

"Alexander, I’m really sorry about Dasha," Tatiana said, unable to meet his eyes "You ca--"

But before he had a chance to continue or Tatiana a chance to respond, the othercircle surrounded them "Tanechka?" said a small, round salt-and-pepper woman with small, round eyes "Who is this? Is this Dasha’s Alexander?"

"Yes," said Tatiana "This is Dasha’s Alexander" Glancing at him, she said, "Alexander -- meet Naira Mikhailovna"

Naira started to cry "Oh, you poor ed him Poor man? He stared at Tatiana

"Naira, please," Tatiana said, backing farther away fro, Naira whispered to Tatiana, "Did he know?"

"He didn’t know But he does now," replied Tatiana That provoked a sustained wail out of Naira

Tatiana randson, and Zoe, Vova’s sister"

Vova was precisely the kind of strapping lad Alexander hated to think about Round-faced, round-eyed, round-rande, black-haired village girl, hugged hi breasts into his uniform tunic She held Alexander’s hand in hers and said, "We’re so pleased to meet you, Alexander We’ve heard so ht, curly-haired woman, whom Tatiana introduced as Naira’s older sister, Axinya "We’ve heard everything about you," Axinya said energetically and vocally She hugged Alexander, too

Then two ray-haired and frail One of the disorder Her hands shook, her head shook, her mouth shook as she spoke Raisa was her name Her mother’s nahter and wore a large silver cross over her dark dress Dusia n of the cross on Alexander, and said, "God will take care of you, Alexander Don’t you worry"

Alexander wanted to tell Dusia that having found Tatiana alive, he had nothing to worry about, but before he could say anything, Axinya asked Alexander hoas feeling, which was followed by a second round of hugs and a second round of tears

"I’ fine," said Alexander "Really, there is no need to cry"

He lish They continued to cry

Alexander looked at Tatiana perplexed But not only did she stand off to the side, but Vova stood by her

"You are just the -- oh, I can’t, I can’t, I just can’t," cried Naira

"Then don’t, Naira Mikhailovna," Tatiana said ht Look He’ll be fine"

"Tania is right," Alexander said "Really"

"Oh, dearhis sleeve "You’ve traveled so far You o He looked at Tatiana and said, "I ary" And smiled

She did not s was ry Alexander, who found hi his patience "Excusehi in front of hih the sea of people to Tatiana "Can I talk to you for a second?"

Tatiana backed away fro her face "Come on I’lltrouble getting the words out -- "just for a moment, talk, Tania?"

"Alexander, of course," said Naira "We’ll talk Come, dear, come to our house" She took him by the arm "This must be the worst day of your life"

Alexander didn’t knohat to think about this day

"Let us take care of you," Naira continued "Our Tania is a very good cook"

Their Tania? "I know," Alexander said

"You’ll eat, you’ll drink We’ll talk We’ll talk plenty We’ll tell you everything How long are you here for?"

"I don’t know," Alexander said, not even trying to catch Tatiana’s eye anyetting their sewing "Oh, yes," said Tatiana blankly and went back to the table Alexander followed her Zoe ran alongside him, and he said, "Zoe, I need afor a response, hurried to catch up with Tatiana

"What’s the "

"Tania!"

"What?"

"Talk to me"

"Hoas your trip here?"

"That’s not what I mean It was fine Why didn’t you write to me?"

"Alexander," she said, "why didn’t you write to me?"

Taken aback, he said, "I didn’t know you were alive"

"I didn’t know you were alive either," she replied, alh the veil Under it there was a stor him near

"You were supposed to write to me and tell me you made it here safely," Alexander said "Remember?"

"No," Tatiana said pointedly "Dasha was supposed to write to you and tell you Reathered up the material -- the needles, the thread, the beads and buttons and paper patterns -- stuffing it all into a bag

"I’m so sorry about Dasha, I’m so sorry Please" Alexander touched her back

Tatiana flinched from him and blinked back tears "Me, too"

"What happened to her? Did you make it out of Kobona?"

"I did," Tatiana said quietly "She didn’t She died the ot there"

"Oh, God"

They didn’t look at each other, and they were silent

Dragging Dasha down the slope to Ladoga, begging her to hold on, to walk, while Tania herself could not keep upright, yet pushing her sister forward, willing her to live

"I’ you," Tatiana said, "brings it all back, doesn’t it? The wounds are still so raw" That’s when she raised her eyes and looked at him And Alexander saw the wounds

Slowly they walked back to everyone else

Vova slapped Alexander on the shoulder and asked, "So how’s the war going?"

"The war is good, thanks"

"We hear our guys are not doing so great The Gerrad"

"Yes," Alexander said "The Gerain "I see they have to keep you fit in war I’ I’m seventeen next month"

"I’m sure the Red Ar to soundof sewing "Want ht You’ve got enough of your own things"

"I brought you so"

"Me?" Tatiana didn’t look at hi on? He said quizzically, "Tania?"

"Alexander," Naira said, "too to the banya Can you wait until then?"

"No I’ll wash tonight in the river"

"Surely you can wait one day?" said Naira

He shook his head "I’ve been on trains for four days I haven’t had water on"The man has been on trains for four days!"

"Yes," cried Naira, wiping her face, "and for what, for what? Oh, what a wasteland this war is, aste, what tragedy" The other ladies sniffled in agreeroan escape Tatiana He wanted her to look at him He wanted to look into her face He wanted her to tell hi He wanted to touch her bare arms He wanted to touch her so badly thatbut his hands were full of his things "Tatia" he whispered, leaning deeply into her, nearly touching her hair with his mouth

He heard her breath stop for a ht frustration he straightened up, noticing that Vova did not stray far from Tatiana’s side, and she did not appear to move away froe houses, neighbors poured out in , soed lady ca One old man said, "You make us all proud" Why did Alexander think it wasn’t for his effort in the war? "The way you ca you need, anything at all, you coor"

Alexander asked quietly, "Tania, why do I feel as if everybody knows me here?"

"Oh, because they all do," Tatiana said flatly, staring straight ahead "You are the captain in the Red Army, who has come to marry my sister They all know that Unfortunately, she has died And they all know that, too And everyone is very sorry" Her voice remained almost steady

Sobs from Dusia from behind and Naira froive you plenty of vodka, and we’ll tell you everything"

"We?" He glanced at Tatiana He was hoping the asn’t going to be ht be?

"Tania, how have you been?" Alexander asked "How did--"

"Oh, she’s been great," Vova interrupted, putting his arm around Tatiana "She’s aze clouding The tick inside hi

It was at that moment -- when he set his teeth and turned his face away -- that Tatiana moved away from Vova to Alexander and put her hand on hi into his face "Four days on trains Have you eaten today?"

"In theat her

Tatiana nodded "You’ll feel better once you’re clean and fed," she said, s "And shaved" She squeezed his ar to have to talk to her about Vova Alexander saw unresolved things in Tatiana’s eyes The last ti was St Isaac’s A et better, but first he had to talk to her about Vova

"Alexander," Axinya echoed, "we pulled our Tanechka right out from the jaws of death" There was a loud wail

Alexander looked at Tatiana walking next to hih hiive hi, "I’ll carry it"

"Tania," Alexander asked, "you didn’t by any chance run into Dimitri in Kobona, did you?"

Naira quickly turned around and hissed at Alexander, her eyes bright i cups "Shh We don’t talk about Dimitri"

"That bastard!" exclai to Alexander and nodding "She is right, though He is a bastard," she whispered

Alexander stared at them all, wide-eyed "Tania," he said, "am I to assume that you did run into Di else

Alexander shook his head He was a bastard

Zoe on his left leaned in and said in a conspiratorial whisper, "Another reason we don’t talk about Di for Tania"

Moving away from Zoe and toward Tatiana, Alexander muttered, "Really?"

Naira’s house at the top end of the village toward the river hite, wooden, and square And s at Tatiana, alked ahead

"No, no," Naira said, "just us and our Tania Vova and Zoe live with their mother on the other side of Lazarevo Their father was killed in the Ukraine last su to be room in your house for Alexander"

Alexander looked at the house Zoe oats, and three chickens in a wire coop It looked as if they had plenty of roo Tatiana inside, Alexander walked up a couple of wooden steps into a roolassed-in porch that had two sular wooden table at the other Co into the darkened parlor roo up nearly the entire back of the roo cast-iron hearth and three co wood and two side ones for baking The chimney went up and to the left Above the stove was a flat surface covered with quilts and pillows In e huts across the Soviet Union, the top of the stove was frequently used as a bed After the fire beloent out, it was very warh table for food preparation, and at the back was a sewing ht were two doors, leading to what Alexander guessed were bedroouess," he said to her "You sleep up there?"

"Yes," she replied withouthis eyes "It’s coh to the desk on the side of the stove

"Wait, wait," said Naira froht We really don’t have ht, I haveTatiana

"No, no tent," said Naira "Why don’t you stay with Vova and Zoe? They have room for you; they have a nice bedroo"

"No," said Alexander, turning around to Naira "But thank you"

"Tanechka, don’t you think it would be more comfortable for him? He could--"

"Naira Mikhailovna," said Tatiana, "he already said no"

"We know," said Axinya, walking through the porch "But it really would be more--"

"No," repeated Alexander "I will sleep in ht outside I’ll be fine"

Tatiana h They were alone long enough for her to say, "Sleep here, on top of the stove It’s very warm"

He kept his voice even when he said, "And where are you going to sleep?"

Her face turned red, and he couldn’t help hi and kissed her cheek That made her even irl"

She backed away practically into the porch

So--"

"Go with Zoe and Vova?" said Naira, coreat idea I knew our Tanechka could convince you She can talk the devil into a new dress Zoe!"

"No!" exclaimed Tatiana

Alexander wanted to kiss her

"Naira Mikhailovna, he’s not going," Tatiana said "He didn’t come all this way to stay with Vova and Zoe He’ll stay here He’ll sleep up here"

"Oh," Naira said, her breath taken out of her a bit "And you?"

Could she keep herself fro? No, she couldn’t "I’ll sleep on the porch"

"Tania, if he’s staying, why don’t you change the linen on your bed so he’ll have fresh sheets"

"I will," agreed Tatiana

"Don’t you dare touch theet Alexander fresh towels, Naira disappeared to her rooe to look up at him, but she was turned to hi to go and wash, and I will be right back," said Alexander, s He didn’t knohat to do with his hands He wanted to take hold of hers "Don’t go anywhere"

"I’ht here Do you need soap?"

He shook his head "Got plenty"

"I’ot" Out of her desk drawer she pulled out a small bottle of shampoo "Found it in Molotov Cost me twenty rubles" She handed it to him "Real shampoo for your hair"

"You spent twenty rubles on a bottle of sha her fingers

"Better than two hundred and fifty rubles on a cup of flour," she replied, quickly pulling her fingers away and trying to change the subject

"Was that twenty of my rubles?"

"Yes," she said quietly "The rubles in your book came in very handy Thank you" She did not look at hilad they did, and you’re welco" He could not tear his eyes away froed casually "It’s the sun"

"And so freckled--"

"The sun"

"And so--"

"Let ht for you" Crouching near his bag, he showed her ar, rock salt, cigarettes, and bottles of vodka "And I got you another English-Russian book," he said "Have you been practicing your English?"

"Not really," Tatiana replied "I haven’t had time I can’t believe you carried all that It , she said, "But thank you Co a towel froh the porch and down the steps to the back garden Alexander stood as close to Tatiana as possible without his body actually touching hers He knew that six pairs of eyes were on them fro at where she was pointing He was looking at her blonde eyebrows He wanted to touch theers

Missing a breath, he touched the faint scar above the brohere she had been injured during the fight with her father "That’s alone," he said quietly "Can’t even see it"

"If you can’t see it," Tatiana said lightly, "then why are you touching it?" She didn’t look at hi? It’s right through the pines Will you look? Just cross the road, and there’s a path between the trees Walk down a hundredI do the laundry there You can’t et lost, for sure," said Alexander, bending to her ear and lowering his voice "Come and showup to the away "Why doesn’t Zoe show you? I really do have to start cooking if we’re to eat tonight"

Alexander said, "No, Zoe Excuse us," and he pulled Tatiana away "Come with me to the river," he repeated "You can tellyou, and I’ll--"

"Not now, Alexander," Tatiana whispered "Not now"

Sighing, he let go of her and went by himself When he returned, clean and shaven, dressed in his Class-Bs, he saw that Zoe was shamelessly interested in hi men, he could have had one eye and no teeth and Zoe would have been interested Tatiana was another story She obstinately avoidedpans, she said, "You’ve shaved"

"Hoould you know?" He was staring at her back and hips as she leaned over in her yellow dress Her waist tapered into her tight, round-as-a-hs peeked out below the short herees with you," Alexander said after a fewup, she was about to walk to the porch when he grabbed her hand and put it to his cheek "Do you like it better sainst his face and then kissed her fingers

Gently she pulled her hand away "I haven’t seen much of you clean-shaven," she muttered "Either way is fine I’et you all ot so nice andclean" She cleared her throat and averted her eyes

"Tatia," he said, not letting go of her floury hand, "it’s me What’s the matter?"

She raised her eyes to him and blinked, and he saw hurt in her eyes, hurt, and warmth, and sadness, but hurt foremost, and he started to say, "What--"

"Alexander, dear, co dinner Come, have a drink"

He went out to the porch Naira handed hi his head, Alexander said, "I’ without Tatiana Tania! Come"

"She’ll drink the next one with us"

"No," he said "She’ll drink the first one with us Tania, co sweetly of potatoes and onions, and stood next to him

Naira said, "Our Tanechka doesn’t even drink"

"I’ll drink to Alexander," Tatiana said Alexander handed her his vodka glass, his fingers touching hers Naira poured hilasses "To Alexander," said Tatiana, her voice breaking Her eyes were filled with tears

"To Alexander," they echoed "And to Dasha"

"And to Dasha," Alexander said quietly

They drank, and Tatiana went back inside

A dozen people fro to ht an egg One old irl a few hard candies Every one of theot on her knees, crossed herself, and kissed the glass he was holding Alexander was arette

Vova said, "Why don’t we take that outside? Our Tania has a hard tiarette, swearing under his breath To have Vova look out for Tania’s welfare was too much But before he could say another word, he felt Tatiana’s hand on his shoulder and her face right in front of him as she put an ashtray on the table "Smoke, Alexander, smoke," she said

Petulantly Vova said, "But, Tania, the so outside"

"I know I said that, Vova," Tatiana declared "But Alexander didn’t come all the way from the war to s his head, Alexander said, "I don’t need to smoke" He wanted her hand on his shoulder and her face in front of hietting up and eating my food It’s dinnerti table that was flanked by two benches "Usually Tatiana sits on the end So she can get up and get stuff, you know?" Zoe smiled

"Oh, I know," said Alexander "I’ll sit next to her"

"Usually I sit next to her," said Vova

Shrugging and not interested in dealing with Vova, Alexander looked at Tatiana and raised his eyebrows

She wiped her hands on a towel and said, "How about if I sit between Alexander and Vova"