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That night Tatiana dreaht lasted all year, and that in the dark his fingers found her

In the earlyup It was Alexander He had brought them two kilos of black bread and a cupful of buckwheat kernels Everyone besides Tatiana was still in bed He waited for her in the kitchen with his arms crossed and his eyes cold while she brushed her teeth over the kitchen sink He mentioned that the toilet s

She was already dressed She slept dressed

"Shura," Tatiana said, "don’t go out now It’s so cold I can carry a kilo of bread I think I can still do that Give et yours, too"

"Oh, Tatiana," Alexander said, "the day has not cotoward him so quickly that he actually backed away a step "If you can go to the front, Alexander--"

"Like I have any choice--"

"Like I have any choice I can get your rations for you Now, give me your card"

"No," he said "Let et your coat How are your hands?"

"They’re fine," she said, showing them She wanted him to take hold of them, to touch them, but he didn’t He just stared at her with the saether It was rees At seven o’clock the skies were still dark, and there was a shrieking wind that got underneath Tatiana’s coat and into her ears, whistling its Arctic lament for ten blocks to the store Inside the store was better, and there were only thirty people ahead of theht

"Aed with barely suppressed anger "That here it is Nove this by yourself"

Tatiana didn’t reply She was too sleepy to reply She shrugged, pulling her scarf tighter around her head

Alexander said, "Why do you do this? Dasha is perfectly capable of going At the very least she can coo alone?"

Tatiana didn’t knohat to say First she was too cold, and her teeth were chattering After a few , and she thought, why do I go onair raids, and cold, and dark? Why don’t we ever switch? "Because if Marina goes, she eats the rations on the way ho Because Dasha does laundry Who a to send? Babushka?"

Alexander didn’t reply, but the anger didn’t leave his face

Tatiana touched his coat He moved away "Why are you upset with me?" she asked "Because I went out onto the roof?"

"Because you don’t--" He broke off "Because you don’t listen to ry at them"

"Don’t be," she said "It all just happened this way I’d rather be out here than washing laundry"

"Oh, because Dasha is washing laundry so often? You could be sleeping late six days a week like she is"

"Listen, she is having a hard ti because they told you to, and you said all right They said, oh, and can you cook for us, too, and you said all right, broken leg and all"

"Alexander, what are you upset about? That I do what they tellhis teeth, he said, "You do what I tell you to? Are you off the fcking roof? Are you in the shelter? Have you stopped giving your food to Nina? Yes, you do what I tell you"

"You think I listen to them more?" Tatiana said incredulously It wasn’t their turn yet A dozen people still ahead of theht you said you weren’t upset with me?"

"I’m not upset about that You want to knohat I’m upset about?"

"Yes," she said tiredly She didn’t really

"Everything they ask of you, you do"

"So?"

"Everything," he said "They say, go, you say, all right They say, give o away, you say, fine They hit you, you defend them They say, I want your bread, I want yourwhere he was going, Tatiana tried to stop hih cla to keep his voice quiet, Alexander continued "They say, he’s ht, he’s yours, of course, take hi matters to me at all Not me, not my food, notht his face very close to hers and whispered angrily, "I, Tatiana, fight for nothing"

"Oh, Alexander," Tatiana said, looking at hiot their rations Alexander received potatoes, carrots, bread, soya milk and butter And sour crea with the food, and she walkedtoo fast; she couldn’t keep up First Tatiana slowed down, and when she saw that he did not shorten his stride, she stopped

Turning around, Alexander barked, "What?"

"You go ahead," Tatiana said "Go ahead ho"

He cao," he said "To celebrate our Russian Revolution, the Ger in a few ht"

Tatiana took his arm She wanted to cry, and she wanted to keep up, and she wanted not to be cold Snow seeped inside her ripped boots that were tied together with twine Sorrow seeped inside her ripped heart that was tied together with twine

They trod through the snow looking at their feet

"I didn’t give you away, Shura," Tatiana said finally

"No?" There was so much bitterness in his voice

"How can you do that? How can you turn the right thing I did for ic flaw on my part? You should be ashamed of yourself"