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Tatiana thought she could take it Tatiana thought she could take it all But one night -- teeks after the burning of Badayev warehouses -- when they all ca in the bory and tired, Dasha plopped down next to Tatiana and in a thrilled voice exclai ht to hide what exploded inside Tatiana Marina gasped But the jubilant Dasha, who continued to smile while the bos

Marina said, "That’s great, Dasha Congratulations!"

Ma to have a fa next to Ma

"Tania? Did you hearaway, she was faced with Marina’s sylance Tatiana didn’t knohich orse She turned back to her sratulations You ine? I’ets a couple of days’ furlough, we’ll go to the registry office"

"You’re not worried?"

"I’ arm "Worried about what? Alexander is not worried We’ll lad you’re so sure"

"What’s the matter?" Dasha put her ar "I won’t kick you out of your bed Babushka will give us her room for a couple of days" Dasha kissed her "Married, Tania! Can you believe it?"

"I can’t believe it"

"I know!" Dasha exclaimed excitedly "I can hardly believe it myself"

"It’s war He could die, Dasha"

"I know that Don’t you think I know that? Don’t be flip about hi About hi She shut her eyes

"Thank God, he’s finally out of that awful Dubrovka and up across fro It’s quieter there" Dasha smiled "You know, that’s what I do now -- I close my eyes and I feel for him out there somewhere, and I know he’s still alive" She added with pride, "I have a sixth sense, you know"

Marina coughed loudly Opening her eyes, Tatiana glared at Marina with an expression that instantly stifled Marina’s coughing fit

"What do you want, Dash?" she whispered "You want to be a , instead of just a dead soldier’s girl?"

"Tania!"

Tatiana said nothing Where was relief going to coht, not from Mama or Papa, not from Deda and Babushka, far away, not from Babushka Maya, too old to care, not fro, not from Dimitri, as mired in his own hell, and certainly not froivable Alexander

The absence of coer continue to sit She left the shelter in theonly Dasha’s puzzled voice: "What is wrong with her?"

How did she spend the night next to her wall, next to Marina, next to Dasha? How did she do it? She didn’t know It was the worst night of Tatiana’s life

The next ular store on Fontanka and Nekrasova, went to one on Old Nevsky, near her forood bread there The air-raid siren sounded She didn’t even take cover

Tatiana walked with her eyes to the ground The whistling bo shrieks, followed by the sound of brick exploding and then distant hu hurt inside her body

Tatiana realized that war no longer scared her This was new to her, the acknowledgment of the absence of fear It was Pasha who had always been intrepid Dasha was confident Deda was ruthlessly honest, Papa was strict -- and drunk -- Maant Tatiana carried everyone’s hidden insecurities on her thin shoulders Insecurities, yes Tiain But not her own She wasn’t afraid of randohtning did strike a thousand times a day No, it wasn’t war that terrified Tatiana It was the resolute chaos of her broken heart

She went to work, and when five o’clock came, she stayed at work, and when six came, she stayed at work, and when seven ca the floor in the nurses’ station when she saw Marina coh the doors and head in her direction Tatiana did not want to see Marina

"Tania, what are you doing?" Marina said "Everybody is worried sick about you They think you’ve been killed"

"I haven’t been killed," Tatiana said "I’ the floor"

"It’s three hours past quitting ti the floor, Marina, can’t you see? Step out of et wet" Tatiana did not look up fro Di selfish The family can’t celebrate Dasha’s betrothal, because they’re so worried about you"

"All right," Tatiana said through her teeth as she pushed the ht here Tell theo and celebrate I have work to do I’ a double shift I’ll be home later"

"Tania," said Marina, "come on now, honey I know it’s hard But you have to colass to your sister What are you thinking?"

"I’!" Tatiana yelled "Can you leave me alone, please!" And she looked back down at her soapy mop, blinded by her tears

"Tania, please"

"Leave me alone!" repeated Tatiana "Please"

Reluctantly Marina left

Tatiana mopped the nurses’ station, and the corridor nearby, and the bathrooms, and some of the patient roo five bomb victims, and Tatiana ith him Four of the victims died within the hour Tatiana sat with the last one, an oldher hand, and before he died, he turned to her and smiled

By the time she came hoone Tatiana slept on the s up before the rest of the faet their rations on Old Nevsky

When she got home after work, Papa was in a fit At first Tatiana couldn’t figure out what it was that washim upset, nor did she care to find out As her father ca, Tatiana concluded that he must be upset with her

"What did I do now?" she said tiredly She couldn’t have cared less

He was slurring his words, but Mary -- but sober -- caht when she was God knohere while the fairl na for some food "Mariska said that so her for a week!" Mama shouted "A ith our food!"

"Oh" Tatiana looked at her parents "Yes Mariska’s parents are both drunk, and they’re not feeding her She needed soht we have plenty" She went into the kitchen to get a knife Papa and Ma

The following day Alexander and Diirls for a short walk before the air raid and curfew Tatiana did not raise her eyes to Dimitri, nor to Dasha, and certainly not to Alexander

"What happened to you yesterday?" Di forever for you"

"I orking yesterday," said Tatiana, grabbing her cardigan fro out past Alexander, her eyes to the floor

It was quiet in Leningrad that evening The four of the toward Tauride Park Relative peace, for on Eighth Soviet a corner building was shattered and glass was spread like fractured ice all over the street

Dimitri and Tatiana walked in front of Alexander and Dasha Diround Tatiana shrugged and said nothing, her growing-out blonde hair covering half her face

"Isn’t it fantastic about Alexander and Dasha?" Di his arm around Tatiana

"Yes," said Tatiana coldly and loudly "It’s fantastic about Alexander and Dasha" She did not look up, nor did she look back She could feel Alexander’s eyes on her, and she siht

Dasha giggled and said, "I sent Deda and Babushka a letter in Molotov They’ll be so happy They’ve always liked you, Alexander" There were so noises frorabbed her arlum these days, Di her arm, Dimitri said, "Should I, Tanechka? What do you think? Should I ask you to marry me?"

Tatiana did not reply They stopped at an intersection to let a tram pass Tatiana said, "Want to hear a joke?" She continued before anyone had a chance to speak " ‘Honey, e get married, I’ll be there to share all your troubles and sorrows,’ says the man ‘But I don’t have any, et married,’ says the man"

"Oh, nice, Tania," said Dasha frohed, her hair bobbed back just long enough to reveal a black swollen bruise over her eyebrow Di her hair back into her face Alexander said, "What’s the matter, Dima?"

Dimitri didn’t reply, but Alexander walked around and stood in front of Tatiana She looked down at the pave," she muttered

"Can you look up, please?" Alexander demanded

Tatiana wanted to look up and screa on one side of her and Dimitri on the other, and she could not look up into the face she loved Simply could not The best she could do was repeat quietly that it was nothing

"Ah, Tania," said Alexander, paling under the effort of keeping himself in check "Ah, Tania"

"It’s totally her fault," said Dasha, taking Alexander’s arm "She perfectly well knew that Papa was drunk Yet she couldn’t help talking back to hi a waif--"

"He yelled athis sheets," Tatiana said "Which was your job"