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"I’ll go get the ingredients, okay?" I say,it even easier for her

"Okay," she says and then shrugs playfully, like she’s irlfriend instead of my mom

I rush past her, down the steps, and out the door without even putting on a coat

There’s a local grocery about six blocks fro I need there in about ten s

Butter

Pancake mix

Maple syrup

Chocolate chips

Bananas

On the walk ho intoLinda off easy

I try to concentrate on the pancakes

I can taste the chocolate and bananas ood

They will fill me

They are what I can have

When I arrive ho at someone on the phone about the color of tulle "No, I do not want cader when she sees me in the doorway and then waves me away

In the kitchen I wait five minutes before I decide to do the prep work byboard Carefully, I s into thethe chocolate chips and banana slices last I spray the pan and heat it up

"Linda?" I yell "Mom?"

She doesn’t answer, so I decide to cook the pancakes, thinking that Linda eating with h

I pour some batter onto the pan and it bubbles and sizzles while I pour out three more pancakes I flip all four and then heat up the oven so I can keep the finished pancakes hile I cook Mom’s

"Linda?"

No answer

"Mom?"

No answer

I put the finished pancakes into the oven and pour more batter

I realize Ipancakes, and by the tih to feed a fa again

"Jashs

She’s staring out the

She’s oblivious again

I sigh

I return to the kitchen

I eat my banana–chocolate chip pancakes

They are delicious

Fuck Linda

She’sout

She could have had delicious pancakes for breakfast

I would have forgiven her

But instead, I use the garbage disposal to grind up all the leftover pancakes

A few mirror shards fall in

I let the ain hear Linda cursing at her employees

She doesn’t come out of her office--not even when I take off and slam the front door behind me so that the whole house shakes

THIRTY-EIGHT

LETTER FROM THE FUTURE NUMBER 4

Dad,

It’s S, your daughter