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"I’od," I say and poptrue feelings repressed--I’m aware of that, but I can’t help it

Lauren looks at me like maybe I’m a demon from hell or the Antichrist, and says, "Why did you do that?"

"What did you do to her?" the rent-a-cop asks, trying to look official and tough

"I gave her a cross on a silver chain and tried to tell her I love her--I do love you, Lauren; I really do--then I kissed her passionately"

She looks at me with her head all cockeyed and her wet lips parted

She’s so confused

I’m kind of confused too, because I’m not attracted to Lauren at all anymore and the kiss was a spectacular failure

I can tell that so, because it’s natural for teenage girls to like kissing, but she feels conflicted, like she’s not supposed to like it, that she’s supposed to deny her instincts here, like her religious training bids her, and that’s what’s really eating her up inside

Maybe that’s how rapists justify their actions

Maybe I’ht process happening--it’s written all over her face

Yes

No

Yes

No

Yes

No

No

No

No

I can’t

I really can’t

I really truly absolutely can’t

Why did you do this to me?

Why did you o," just before she drops her stack of religious pamphlets and runs away

I hatehate myself

And I don’t have the heart to chase, th I had just to kiss her

There’s a part ofonderful

Black-and-white Bogie-Bacall perfect

Even though it wasn’t

My dad used to say that the last drink of the day, when the work and thinking is over and you’re just about to surrender to unconsciousness, that’s always the best drink regardless of how it tasted

Maybe Lauren was my last drink of the day

The tracts blow all over the concrete sidewalk like dead leaves in the breeze

"You better work on your delivery, Ro"

"Aye, aye," I say and give the kid a id and stiff, karate-chopping uns away from the subway You really are a fantastic rent-a-cop"

He looks at me and puts a hand on this two-foot club strapped to his belt, probably because they won’t let the kid carry a gun Heme to death would really make his day The rent-a-cop actually inti to kill myself But I haven’t shot Asher Beal yet, and death by rent-a-cop is probably even worse than death-by-&uu on," I say, and he letsfor him to do

He probably makes what--eleven-fifty an hour?

A rent-a-cop’s not exactly going to take a bullet in the line of duty for that type of wage, and ould?

As I walk away, hter