Page 15 (1/2)

"You come to my office sometime and we’ll talk man-to-man about the finer points of Christianity, okay?"

"I prefer speaking with Lauren," I said, and he gaveanswer

"Well, when you get serious about Jesus, I’ll be here Young men like you need mentors and that’s awoht you to us for a reason You come see me, okay?" He winked--I shit you not--and then shook the next person’s hand, so Lauren and I y smelled of sweaty socks and pot roast

"So what did you think?" Lauren asked me over plastic plates and red Solo cups

Church was okay, I guess I liked the singing part, and the organ Butjust seeh not to say that to Lauren Instead I went into Bogie mode and said, "You look very pretty in that dress" It was a deep violet nuhetti straps She was like one of those exotic plants that lure insects into their sticky sweet traps and then eat them When I looked at her, I wanted to be eaten

"Thank you," she said "So do you think you want to give your life to Jesus?"

I was just about to lie when thiskid snuck up behind Lauren and started to e her shoulders "Hey, buttercup," he said

Buttercup? Really?

"Hey," Lauren said in a way that let me know this wasn’t just any old church member He looked like the Johnny kid in the pa like me "Leonard, this is my boyfriend, Jackson Jackson, this is Leonard"

"I hear you’re serious aboutJesus Christ your Lord and savior," Jackson said to ?" I asked, although I’ry and just wanted to leave I felt so tricked by Lauren Being eaten by her was one thing, but introducing me to her boyfriend after she’d led me on--that was entirely unacceptable She used her feet me into her church, bait-and-switch style, when she already had a boyfriend asthan uys park?"

"Leonard!" Lauren said, because she definitely got the reference, although it took her a second

"What are you talking about?" Jackson said and ym wall--I remember it was protected by mesh wire so basketballs wouldn’t smash it47

"Quarter to one already?" I asked, and then started to lie again, only these were escape lies The Bogie-Bacall fantasy had been temporarily shattered, so I just wanted out of this church "Holy shit! I have to roll ets bedsores if I don’t do it every four hours or so My grandfather does it when I’m at school, but he refuses to do it on the weekends He says, ‘The weekends are mine,’ which seems mean until you know that he has Alzheio"

I stood up and walked out of the gym, up the stairs, and out into the afternoon

Lauren followedon here? I thought you were serious about Jesus?"

I spun around and said, "I’m a devout atheist I don’t believe in hell, so none of this scareswith you, like the kids do in that paave me, because I think you’re beautiful--like Lauren Bacall--and so unlike the girls atat the train station all alone giving out pa when I met you--like no one else I had ever met before But you don’t see Christian here because everyone is Christian in your church You’re just one of many here, where at the train station you were one of a kind And I’m a one-of-a-kind type of person, and that’s just the way it is So we’re definitely breaking up And I can’t believe your boyfriend looks like Johnny from the pamphlet Jesus Christ, you could do better!"

Lauren just stood there with her mouth open

"I’m sort of crazy I’m mostly lonely," I said, because she looked little-kid confused and I was starting to feel bad for her again I guess I only liked her ere alone "I follow sadadults on the trains all day soht we had weird-train-station behavior in coht, Lauren?" said Jackson as now so at me like he wanted to kill me before I could accept Jesus Christ intoin a sea of fire

"She’s all right," I said "I’ Problem solved"

I left

TWENTY-TWO

I’d see Lauren at the train station from time to time but she pretended like she didn’t knoho I was, and I pretended like I didn’t knoho she was either

This went on for a year or so

Then one day, I saw her in Center City being harassed by a bu, "Give me a sandwich and you think you saved the world? It don’t work like that! You think God sent you to give me two pieces of bread with a slice a cheese and a fliht-yellowin a cardboard box? That’s what you want ave uy had wild eyes and a lion’s ray hair that

"I’ood enough," the buod the next time you pray in your nice warerator of food that you’d never give to buthat eats better than me"

"I’m sorry," Lauren said "I’ verbally beatdown by a bum, and I was totally on the bum’s side, but Lauren looked so rattled that I had to intervene And so I went up to the bum and said, "I was sent to you by the Atheist Society of Aod at all, and want to congratulate you on putting this uppity Christian in her place As a ree’d like to give you twenty dollars that you may use to buy a superior sandwich or whatever you’d like No strings attached"