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"What?" I say, all surprised, and suddenly I realize I’ that

Then I wonder why Herr Silver on school property

"I’ to say this, Leonard, and I hope you won’t take offense Sudden changes in appearance You did cut your hair, right?"

I just keep inkingaway treasured possessions These are clear signs Suicidal people often do these things I’ht be at risk"

L–E–O–N–A–R–D–P–E–A–C–O–C–K

L–E–O–N–A–R–D–P–E–A–C–O–C–K

L–E–O–N–A–R–D–P–E–A–C–O–C–K

I keep tracing the letters into the desk

Why?

I’ve never writtento tellhere today?" he says

"Not really," I say without looking up "I just wanted you to kno , but I can feel hi at my face--I can tell he’s concerned in a way thatto have to do so if I want to make it out of here and complete my mission

I reach down deep within myself and put on the Hollywood face once h, and say, "I probably would want to kill et to spend time in this room every day I really would Your class is probably the only thing keeping me alive"

"That’s not true There’s a lot for you to live for Good things are definitely in your future, Leonard I’ people you’ll h school’s over Your life partner, your best friend, the h school right noaiting to graduate and walk into your life--s you are,enough to make it to the future where you’ll meet Did you ever write those letters, after we talked the last tiive it a try?"

"No," I lie, because writing those letters ht now I have to focus on the task at hand "Maybe I’ll do that tonight"36

"You should I think it would help"

I get to thinking about the ain I’m not really sure why--et--but I say, "Can I ask you a personal question, Herr Silverman?"

"Okay"

We sit there in silence for a few seconds as I try to work up the courage My voice sounds shaky when I finally speak "Why don’t you ever roll up your sleeves or wear a short-sleeve shirt? Why don’t you wear the faculty polo shirt on Fridays either?"

My heart’s pounding hard enough to crack ribs because I kind of believe the answer h that doesn’t make any sense

"You noticed that, huh?" Herr Silver tihtly and then he says, "I’ll make you a deal You write those letters from the future and I’ll tell you why I never roll up my sleeves What do you say?"

"Sure," I say and smile, because I can tell Herr Silver will help He’s passionate about helping fucked-up students like et I already wrote the letters and won’t be around after today--that I’ll never knohy Herr Silverift?"

He picks up the Bronze Star and holds it in front of his face "I’, but I’m not sure I can keep this, Leonard" He puts it back into the box and says, "It’s a faht"

"Can you just keep it for me in your desk until I decide what I want to do with it?" I say, because I don’t feel like arguing about this "Just for a night at least It would mean a lot to me"

"Why?"

"Just because Okay?" I plead with ht You’ll be here toiving nment that requires ood, and I’m surprised by the fact that I can still feel better sometimes

"Yeah," I lie "I’ll be here to your perspective every day I’d be crushed if your seat ever became empty Übercrushed"

We sort of lock eyes and I think about how Herr Silverman is the only person in my life who doesn’t bullshit me, and is maybe the only one at my school who really cares whether I disappear or stick around "The governood teacher, Herr Silverman I’m serious about that They really should"

"Thank you, Leonard Are you sure you’re feeling okay? There’s nothing else you’d like to discuss?"

"Yeah, I’ht now, actually Mrs Giavotella already reportedaround to asking your professional opinion of my sanity But I’m off to Guidance now So even if I were ht with a root beer lollipop before I leave the building, so no worries, right?"

When I look up to see if he’s buying my lie, I can tell he isn’t So I say, "I’m sorry I wrote on your desk Do you want ive you my cell phone nu to kill yourself?"

"I’ht Will you promise to at least call me first, so I can tell you the reason I never roll upthe answer to that question will make you feel better, but let’s save it for when you’re feeling really bad It will be an eency anecdote antidote," he says, and then smiles in a way that makes me smile, because he’s proud of his stupid slant rhywould do this He’s going above and beyond for me And it makes me so sad to think he’ll be really upset when he hears about my murder-suicide "So will you proets worse--before you do anything rash? I’ll tell you the answer if you call It’s a big secret But I’ll tell you, Leonard, because I think you need to know You’re different And I’ood But different is hard Believe me, I know"