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She moved the mace a few inches closer to my face, pointed at my left eye, and said, "Don’t fuck with me, Leonard Peacock Did Brian put you up to this? Huh? Tell ain and said, "I don’t know any Brian I’m just a dumb kid I dress up like an adult and skip school every once in a while to see what being an adult is like Okay? I just want to know if growing up’s worth it That’s all And so I follow theadult to work, because I just know that’s going to be me someday--the most miserable adult on the train I need to know if I can take it"

She said, "Take what?"

I said, "Being a miserable adult"

She lowered her mace "Really?"

I nodded

She said, "You’re absolutely crazy, aren’t you?"

I nodded again

"But not dangerous, right? You’re a lamb"

I shook my head no, because I wasn’t a threat back then And then I nodded, because I wasn’t a wolf or a lion or anything predatory at the time

She said, "Okay Do you drink coffee?"

ELEVEN

She took me to this coffee place close to the alley where she stole els and slurping joe

She started talking about how stressed out she was and how there was this guy at her work na that against her because they were up for the sa in some hospice center in New Jersey, which here she had spent the previous night She had really wanted to stay with her mother because her mom was close to the end of her life, but this woman knew that--while no one would tell her she couldn’t be there for her --Brian would use her absence from work as a way to beat her out for the position

Or at least that’s what I understood

She was ra words like she was drunk and she kept waving her hands and she wouldn’t take off her sunglasses even inside the coffee shop She talked for an hour or so, and I was beginning to think she was a great big liar because if she left her dying et ahead at work, why the hell would she waste her ti work--for any reason at all--against her?

I was thinking about all of this when she said, "So what have you learned following around adults? Spying on us?"

I said, "I don’t know"

"Don’t lie to me You owe me an explanation, Leonard Peacock"

And so I sed and said, "I’, which is why I followed you today"

"What have you learned today from me?"

"Truthfully?"

She nodded

So I said, "You seem really unhappy And most of the people I follow are the same It seems like they don’t like their jobs and yet they also don’t like going home either It’s like they hate every aspect of their lives"

She laughed and said, "You need to follow people on the train to figure that out?"

And I said, "I was hoping that I had it wrong"

And she said, "Don’t all the kids in your high school seeh school HATED it!"

And I said, "Yeah, h they try to fake it the best they can Kids fake it better than adults, right? My theory is that we lose the ability to be happy as we age"

She sured out, why follow adults like , that life gets better for soet older, and even the ht be able to enjoy at least souys talk about being picked on in high school but then they grew up and discovered that adult life is like heaven They say it gets better I want to believe that happiness ht at least be possible later on in life for people prone to sadness"

She swatted my words out of the air with her hand and said, "All ads are lies Life doesn’t get better at all Adulthood is hell And everything I told you aboutup just to see who you were because I thought they paid you to be a spy But the joke’s on h school student who follows rando your ID and if I ever see you again I’ order"