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Fixing a Mistake

I jerked awake, si for Lillian to stay Silence and darkness answered led to reject reality and return toon how you looked at it Losing all of my friends in rapid-fire succession like that, had ripped a hole straight through ht of the crash It was like it was happening again - like I was losing theain Only this tiain

Panic seized asps for breaths turned into a full on attack I couldn&039;t breathe I struggled with the physical disco open in es, like acid had been poured over the top ofat anything I could - cool sheets, silky hair, soft skin I heard a vague voice shushingof blood rushing through my ears was too intense to really pay attention to the voice Besides, hto heal Don&039;t forget that you lived I love youalways, butwe can&039;t be together"

I turned and jerked on the bed while s body Unfortunately, Sawyer&039;s bed was sht off the edge, landing painfully, face down, on the hard floor I groaned as what little air I had inside ofsround

Sawyer i me Her worried face looked me over and then looked upstairs; my fall hadn&039;t exactly been quiet Her face dropped back to me but I couldn&039;t e, as ether"

I choked and sputtered, trying to sob and speak at the sa from my mouth were, "don&039;t leavepleasedon&039;t leaveme that she never would I didn&039;t kno to tell her that I didn&039;t mean her I didn&039;t kno to tell her that I&039;d just lost everyone I lovedaside from her

After what felt like an eternity of e, I numbly dropped my head to her shoulder I felt drained, e to look forward to, just long days of various forness They were all goneand I kneouldn&039;t be able to call theether"

Sawyer sat on her knees beforereturn to so listened with syined that if the look was anywhere near how I felt, then I probably rese, she started stroking my cheeks "Oh, LucasI&039;m so sorry," she whispered

I scrunched rief soaked brain couldn&039;t co my confused look, she shook her head and said, "You dreaain? You dreamed of what you re that I&039;d had that dreaht cheery compared to the one I&039;d had - the one that had just alteredout of me, in answer to her question that wasn&039;t really a question

"Noshe broke up with me She left methey all left me" I felt ers I didn&039;t care What did I care about e tears any but e tears?

In a sort of overwhelmed trance, I watched her mouth fall open I wondered if she&039;d feel syree withmy insane ass I bristled at the idea of yet another person deciding what the best path for me was - I&039;d been perfectly happy with my delusional life - and stood aardly, before she could respond

"I need to go ho a hand onout theIt was still fairly dark outside, but the sun had risen and an ahten the world She turned back to me and nodded "My parents probably won&039;t be up yet I&039;ll just leave a note, telling them that I wanted to return the dress as soon as possible"

I nodded, barely hearing her as hts swirled I wasn&039;t sure why I wanted to be hoo toinside of ed back into my dirty clothes while Sawyer dressed in the bathrooaveme she&039;d meet me outside by her car I felt myself nod in response, but my entire body was sort of slumped down I felt defeated I felt like that dreaotten his head bashed in by Josh Only this ti

When she disappeared up the stairs, I crawled out theI gluot inside, not really caring if her parents spotted me out here or not She came out her front door a few moments later and joinedthe muddy stains on my knees instead One kind of looked like the rock Josh had killed ht

She cleared her throat "Luc"

I didn&039;t respond and she sighed then started her car I didn&039;t look up as she turned her car around and started out to my house I didn&039;t even look to see if her parents had heard her car start and turned on their bedrooirl was up to I just couldn&039;t find it within ether"

Time flashed forward in an almost surreal way, and what see her car off in my driveway I blinked and looked over at her She looked worried and I wondered if I still looked like death, or maybe like the undead would be a better description Likeanione My friends had succeeded in ripping that to pieces What months of torture at the hands of Josh and the townspeople hadn&039;t accoht - they&039;d shatteredin the windalone

Sawyer said ain, but I still didn&039;t respond I didn&039;t knohat to say anyway Was there anything I could say that wouldn&039;t hurt her further? Was there anything I could say that wouldn&039;t hurt rabbed my mom&039;s dress frohers as well Some tiny speck of my brain wanted her to rush hothe majority of my brain didn&039;t care any my name a couple more times Each time the syllables crossed her lips, more tension crept into her voice I still remained silent

I re my mom&039;s dress on the couch unceremoniously It was my mom that broke my silence She stormed down the hall once she heard the front door open Her eyes ide and red as sheall the vile things Josh had yelled at me about her I didn&039;t know if they were truebut I had a horrid fireball twisting inball burned away some of my melancholy, as it thawed some of the ache around ht up to nored my tone and flicked her eyes up and down etting home? Where have you been?" Her hand flashed back to my bedroom "I just went to check on you before I had to leave on an errand, and your bed hadn&039;t been slept in" A tear rolled down her cheek as her voice hitched "Do you have any idea how terrified I was, Lucas! Where were you?"

I heard Sawyer behind me shift and clear her throat She started to saymy mom&039;s question, and the tears on her worn face, I calmly said, "Isn&039;t it a little early for errands?"

That startledI had to" Her hand ca "Don&039;t distractthe subject - where were you?"

I cockedto set the tone for this conversation by being honest Maybe if I did it, so would she "I spent the night at Sawyer&039;s housein bed with her" I heard Sawyer gasp behind elanced back at Sawyer, clearly not expectinga little surprised by it She stuttered a bit as she considered what to say on thee&039;d actually doneor hadn&039;t done

"WellI don&039;t You can&039;t You&039;re too young" Her face turned considerably pinker as she looked back at Sawyer I didn&039;t look with her, but I was pretty sure Saas bright red The anger-despair uilty about that Mo for that, Lucas We shouldsitand talk"

Her voice trailed off as I sed after I said that, not feeling the embarrassiven me I felt Sawyer put her hand onwith this conversation

"Lucdon&039;t Not like this" I heard her aze

I brought her identical eyes back to mine with my next comment "What can you teachit?" I crossed ed me to stop this, but I couldn&039;t If I shut off the flood of anger I was feeling towards rief would wash back in, and drown ain as she looked over mine She licked her lips and suilt My eyes narrowed further as her actionsabout, Luc?"

I leaned into her and she took a step back "What errand were you running?" She narrowed her eyes and shook her head I took a step towards her, ignoring Sawyer&039;s plea for me to step outside with her "Did you have another early et to?"

Suddenfor Sawyer to pickout of the house nearly an hour before her shift, floodedto fit "You look tiredany you up?" That memory flooded htand if that had been the first time, or just the only ti her head and sta "What are? Why are you ? What are you really asking me?" Her voice was barely audible

I took another step towards her Sawyer begged me not to say it, but I needed to know I needed the truth I said it

"I&039; the sheriff If you&039;re the whore that everyone thinks you are"

I really hadn&039;t been sure if the rumor Josh had ruthlessly spouted was true or not Lord knows lies spread like wildfire around here, but the pieces had started fitting s, laughing with the ht visitor, the looks that passed between my mom and him at the diner, the familiar use of their first names, odd, too friendly touches, his frequent visits over the summer, the way he always called me Lucas, when everyone else was referred to by last naht of the crash If it was true, then it all made sense now And as I watched hostly white, herto water, I knew that it was true Mywas ainvolved

Her momentary shock wore off and her face suddenly hardened, her hands clenching into fists like she wanted to hit ht in my face I didn&039;t back down "You do NOT talk to me that way, Lucas Michael West!"

Sawyer pulled nored it and focused on the wo example of what a human should be She looked faded to me now "But it&039;s true! Isn&039;t it! You&039;re sleeping with him and that&039;s why I&039;m not in jail!"

She held her breath as she took a step away from me I could see the debate in her eyes She&039;d lied about this for so long, that she still naturally wanted to lie about it Fire burned even hotter into me now She looked overexhale, stepping back again as her shoulders slumped in defeat Barely above a whisper, she murmured, "Yes, Lucasit&039;s true"

My h h I knewit was hard to hear it I shookSawyer&039;s hand onIn a softer voice I said, "How could you? How could you lie to meall this time?"

She dropped her head, and astear drop to the floor "Lucasyou wouldn&039;t understand"

My fists clenched as pain shifted back to anger "You&039;re right, I don&039;t Did you start so with him, just to keep me out of trouble? Was that the deal?"

Her head shot up and I felt Sawyer rest her head on nored it and focused on the suddenly irate eyes before me "No! There was nodeal I didn&039;t ask hi her hands out to her sides "We were together long before"

My eyes widened at that and she stopped talking "You were together before? How long have you" I couldn&039;t even co to me foryears

Her entire body slumped and she sat heavily onto the ar up to cover her face before dropping into her lap "We&039;ve been seeing each other for five years, Luc" Her eyes aged another decade as she looked up at ht drop to the ground, but Sawyer ducked under ht Five years? She&039;s been lying tomy head, I could only say, "Momhe&039;s married"

She dropped her head and a sob escaped her Sawyer patted my chest as I watched my mom&039;s tears fall The fire inputrid and painful I felt like I ht be sick I felt like I wanted to run Why was everyone I believed in letting me down?

"I know, Lucthat&039;s why I had to lie" She looked back up at"I hated to do that to you, but you were so young I couldn&039;t tell you"

Sawyer rasped her hand, hard I couldn&039;t take her walking out that door right now Sensing that, she stayed Drained and confused, I couldn&039;t take standing in place any longer either I shuffled over to the couch, dragging Saith me, and sat down heavily into the spot farthest from my mom She im to faceher head on her ar me what comfort she could Unconsciously, I putwarmth from her, since I felt like I had none of my own left

A horrid, silent tension built in the roo nu what else to co that seemed the most irrelevant "He&039;s so much older than you, Momlike fifteen or twenty years"

She blushed and looked down at the cushion separating us "I know, Luc That doesn&039;t matter to me" She looked back up at me and whispered, "I love him"

I shookup at ht of randfather It wasn&039;t a pleasant thought and it did nothing for my stomach I could barely believe that this was reality It felt like life was the dreahtmare The one person who had beenan affair with a married man It blew my mind I knew my dad was a louse, but my mom ? Maybe I&039;d put her on a pedestal, but up until know she&039;d deserved one Up until now, she&039;d been a Saint

I looked back over at her "It&039;s like I don&039;t even know you" I whispered