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Me and My Big Mouth

I closed my eyes as icy comprehension flooded me Oh, crap She&039;d taken my words towards Brittany and correlated the signs in time, and had stuck my foot in my mouth, or upa wo a woless, trivial and ether, that moment couldn&039;t have been farther away from those words

I heard her sniffle and choke back tears and then I felt the velvet of her dress brush against rabbed for her elbow, but she pulled away and turned the corner, out of ht

"Shit Sawyer, wait," I called after her as I sprinted to catch up

Turning the corner, I glanced at the far end where kids were still loitering around the bathrooht up easily, running around in front of her toht, which I blocked She tried the left and I blocked that as well As I repeatedly asked her to stop, she finally sighed and stood still, looking up at htly black tear streaks down her cheeks I reached out to wipe one away "I knew you were mad at me for that I knew you were more upset than you let on"

She pulled away froers under her eyes to dry her own cheeks "Of course I&039;m upset, Lucas I want to be with you But I don&039;t knohat you want" I tried to touch her again but she brushed my hands away Her cheeks flushed as her voice trembled "You think I&039;estured at h me as she continued "But you won&039;t be with me" She raised her hand to indicate where Brittany had disappeared down the hallway "And now I knohy"

She lifted her chin, trying to look strong, but it trembled and at that irl than the oht more tears from her eyes, they broke my heart "It obviously didn&039;t mean to you what it meant to me You obviously don&039;t feel the sa deal&039;"

Her tears released and I couldn&039;t take it I grabbed her and held her tight to ainst ainst me "No, Sawyer I promise it wasn&039;t like thatnot with you"

I felt a light sob in her body as I pressed against her and I had to sto protect her from all the jerks and assholes of the world? Who knew I&039;d be the biggest one

"No, I was just a release for you because you were having a bad day - that&039;s all I&039;ve ever been to you," she cried into my shoulder

I held her head to me and kissed the top of it "No, no that&039;s not truewell, it is true but that&039;s not-"

Her head broke away frorasp as she pulled back to look at me "It is true?"

Her freshly re-streaked face tore y tears aside, trying to fix her beautifullike what Brittany and I were" I grabbed her cheeks again,her keep eye contact with , I lether to kno I felt about her "It&039;s true that I find comfort in you, Sawyer So much comfortif you only understood how much But it&039;s more than just peace that I find in youI care for you Youto me I like you Really, I do like you"

She pulled back froher head, her brow furrowing in puzzleh me, but before I could ask her why she questioned my stateain, and then you kissout s for her, I&039;d understated them I&039;d told her on several occasions that I loved her, the o on the dance floor But now, here, when it really mattered, I switched it to "like" I could see how that was confusing Hell, it was confusing to me and I&039;m the one that said it "Sawyer"

She interrupted aze "And I can see it your eyes that youabout the friendship kind of love either But then you pull back, and I don&039;t understand why" I gazed at her helplessly, not sure what I could possibly say to make her understand She still heldme And I did sort of feel that way, trapped by both her body and her words

But then she switched her grip so our fingers laced together Still standing a good foot apart fro froh a lot, Lucas, and I try to not take it personally when you pull away, but I&039;m confused" She shook her headacross her shoulders "I don&039;t knohat you want froed her shoulders and spoke the words that I didn&039;t kno to fix "You&039;re confusing o with that sentence and let it die between us

She looked atether I wished I could But how could I explain why there could only be friendship between us? Especially when I pushed the limits of that friendship so often

In my silence, she ca me? Just like that asshole at e of anger sliced through me How could she compare er spike died dohen I realized that I did hurt her Maybe unintentionally, and maybe not as directly as her jerk-off ex, but I did hurt her Tenderly, I brought one of our laced-together hands up to stroke the back of her cheek "No, Sawyer, never"

She sed and took a step towardsthe distance considerably "If you&039;re not using me, then why do you pull away? If you like ether?"

Her lips trembled when she spoke, and another tear dropped to her cheek I think it was that tear that finally brokein my throat The words that I kneould hurt her and confuse her even more The words that I kneould hurt me and confuse me even more The words that I kneould e her opinion of hit was too late to hold the downon Lillian, and I can&039;t let that happen anyht cry escaped me and I sed harshly to hold it inside

Sawyer&039;s mouth dropped open as confusion clearly showed in the crease of her forehead Her tone was low and flat when she spoke "What? What do you h she wasn&039;t, I dropped her hands and grabbed her forear them "I&039;m sorry, but I&039;m in love with Lil I don&039;t want to hurt her anymore Either of you"

She stepped back fro my face, confusion still clear on her features as she tried to understand what I was telling her I wanted to rewind the conversation I wanted to rewind the night I&039;d never have kissed her on the dance floor I&039;d neverright now Then she wouldn&039;t be looking at ed Then I&039;d never have to hear the next words she spoke tothat in the present tense She&039;s gone, Lucas You know thatright?"

Feeling more horrid tears slide down h she stayed where she was, I felt her pull farther away "I know I do know that, but I still love her" My words caet even more confused "I dreaether and it feelsjust like it used to be I&039;ve found a way to still be with her" My eyes searched hers, frantically, willing her to understand "Don&039;t you see? It&039;s not that I don&039;t want to be with you - it&039;s that I&039;irlfriend"

Her face took on a look of incredulity and concern, and I hated seeing it "Butthat&039;s crazy, Luc That&039;s not real"

Desperation crept intoat me differently frohtened their grip on her arms "Who&039;s to say what&039;s more real, if life and drearip was tight too "You can&039;t think like that You can&039;t live like that"

I smiled, and it felt odd for me to do so, but I wanted her to see that I liked my dream life and I wanted to keep it "I do think that" Her thu cool against my tear-streaked cheeks I shookwider; I probably looked as crazy as I sounded "I&039;ve found a way to spend tiain, with all of them I almost always know it&039;s a dreaood at it, well, better anyway, but I think with ood"

She looked about to protest, her face a mask of concern now, but I beat her to it "No, I knohat you&039;re going to say, but you&039;re wrong I can live this way I can try I have to - it&039;s better than anything out there" I noddedon the other side of the hallway fro

Her face paled and she dropped her hands from my cheeks "Even ain, I&039;d stuck otten that she didn&039;t realize how ist the people I could barely even look at anymore She was so above the that she couldn&039;t see that

Opening azed at her heartbroken face "No, Sawyer II didn&039;tthat I felt we both needed She didn&039;t resistthat ht hadn&039;t per Sawyer a h, maybe I had succeeded on that point, just not in the way I&039;d originally intended

Resting my head on her shoulder, I exhaled into the crook of her neck "Honestly, Sawyer, you&039;re my only reason to wake up"

Just as I felt her ar on at the far end of the hall was suddenly right next to us I raisedus now I felt hten when my eyes received their answer

Josh Josh had decided to disturb our heart wrenching lared at hiht I hadn&039;t actually sustained eye contact with him in awhile and he seemed amused that I held his stare Frolare switched to Will when I heard him seductively say, "Hey juvy I like your dress" He eyed Sawyer up and down and I pulled her slightly behind h From over my shoulder she told him to fuck off His eyes on her turned mean and I put even more of my body in front of her

"What do you want?" My eyes flicked between the two of the behind the a shon

Josh crossed his arms over his chest and sneered at me "Did you like the punch? We made it just for you"

I wasn&039;t too surprised that my suspicions were correct over the punch bowl, so e any My words took on a heated tone however, as I spoke loud enough for everyone in the hall to hear "You drugged et kicked out of here?"

Josh sdown at Josh and then the crowd, before looking back up to me Josh took a step towardscrowd I could hear a flush fro his voice low and cold, Josh said, "No, I&039; another step into"But you need a little punished by poor, stupid Randyand you can&039;t do anything about it, because no one here believes a God daht in my face I could see the crowd behind hi to catch a feords, but they weren&039;t His confession was only being heard by hly pushed hi His size was nothing co hio&039; noise as Will helped right hionna wail on me in Josh&039;s place, but Josh held him back with a hand on his chest Will was ht between us would beJosh take the lead on this fight Maybe he understood that this was so Josh and I needed to work out Or maybe he just had a followerthe initiative Yet another reason he sucked as quarterback

Sawyer behind me was not a follower however, and tried to sneak around htly to put lared over at her, his eyes narrowing at the evident bond between us One thing that always seemed to flare Josh&039;s te in darkness, struggling to hold it together each day, and any glimpse of happiness that I shoas disdainful to hi his hard eyes on Sawyer, Josh sneered, "Even your girlfriend thinks you&039;re a drunk" His tone inflected harshly on the word girlfriend and he almost looked like he wanted to spit at her feet I think he would have, if ere outside Sawyer bristled in et us out of this without fists flying Where&039;d all the chaperones go anyway?

Josh held his hand out and stared at it, like he was reading a letter "You werei He was talking loud enough for everyone to hear now and a buzz went through the crowd

I looked back at Sawyer as his words triggered anition flared in Sawyer&039;s face at the same time it did in mine Sawyer had written that in the note we&039;d passed back in forth in English, the day after our "incident" on the couch She hadn&039;t ht she did, but it sounded bad, really bad

He&039;d seen that? Where had he seen that? Didn&039;t Sawyer have that note? I searched her face while she furrowed her brow and stared out over the hall, her eyes flicking back and forth like she was trying to reer flashed through ht of Josh&039;s eyes on that intiood chunk of the school had read it too Sawyer looked back ather cheeks, and I knew she&039;d just realized that too I tried to remember what that note had said, but all I could re about - ouraround the school

My self-iain, vanished in er and embarrassment But more than that, it vanished because I kneout of control I didn&039;t want Sawyer hurt or harassed by Josh I&039;d do anything to prevent that

Releasing Sawyer, I walked up to Josh and shoved his chest again He was more prepared for that and shoved htened ranks, effectively cutting off Sawyer&039;s andI yelled, "I wasn&039;t drinking, Josh!"

Everyone in that hallway knew exactly what I was talking about Everyone kneas talking about the night of the crash The rooed Aside fro back and forth, you could have heard a pin drop

"Oh, co me into Sawyer She stu I turned my head back to Josh when he added, "There&039;s a witness anyway, Luc So like such a fucking innocent!"

A buzz of noise went through the crowd and Will beside Josh crossed his ar Several other heads were nodding too Not all, some faces looked surprised, but the majority were not startled by Josh&039;s procla ht I was surprised by it, as I&039;d yet to hear it