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Feels Like Hoht by Mrs Chambers She was short and ith frizzy, brown hair and an exuberance for mathematics that I&039;d never understand She bounced around the front of the roo minds all the intricate facets of advanced equations As Sawyer and I took a seat in our preferred section in the very back row, I hoped that she allowed calculators
As usual now, several students stared at me as they entered the roonored the stares, Sawyer caled when three members of the football teairl in our class and with the adoring looks she gave each of theet "tutored" and would have no probleaveinto their seats, luckily, near the front of the rooh Maybe Will had proclai boy and they sinoreh win last year It was almost hard to believe that at one time I&039;d considered the tea attendance She stuttered on my name and looked up at me with a surprised face, like she&039;d only just realized who I was, and that I was in her class Apparently things outside of addition and subtraction took awhile to filter though her brain I uttered "here" and stared down ator syness of an uninteresting subject being shoved down your throat Math wasn&039;t a high point for ood day It was better than yesterday, but still, not a great day
I spaced out halfway through the lecture and visions of Sa her chin in her hand in front ofindecently and whispering dirty words She&039;d giggle quietly and whisper back at him to shut up, which only made the words he&039;d spout at her even dirtier I&039;d watched thea, either embarrassedor possibly turned on I tried not to think about it either way
I felt a remembered vision of Lillian by my side, but I didn&039;t turn to look In h softly at Darren and Sah in my head It had been the most beautiful sound in the world I slowly openedmy head to let this vision completely take me overbut I resisted I remembered my dream and the ache I&039;d felt when that dream ended As much as I&039;d like to dwell in memories of her, if I did it now, I&039;d probably start e e of Darren and Saled to absorb the lesson being taught but felt eyes onhtly concerned look She&039;d probably seeneht I was going to either completely break down or bolt I forcedher co h a year of this, I really needed to shut ers twirling around a dark strand of hair She looked up at the boisterous teacher and then back at htly and mouthed &039;are you okay&039;? I forced a wider saze back to the teacher Yeah, I definitely needed to relax
After Math was lunch I sat at h the math book, like I was horribly interested in the subject I wasn&039;t I just wanted the entire roo on heading to the cafeteria with the rest of the a perp walk through that roo I wanted to partake in
Unfortunately,up tomy ear off about it She seemed oblivious of the whispers and rumors aroundlare before they left with their real teacher, the straight &039;A&039; student who clearly worshipped thee what Mrs Chaht aboutto do with o into an exceedingly long lecture on the infinitely surprising ways trigonometry can be applied to everyday life
I think she would have chatted with me for the entire lunch period, except for the fact that Sawyer smoothly interjected herself and politely excused the both of us Mrs Chao (I probably feigned reeing with her at every possible opportunity), but eventually the peppy woman backed off and Sawyer and I left the now completely empty classroom
"Thanks," I rinned over at me "Not a problerinned even wider at ray eyes and shockingly dark hair "That&039;sheavy&039; backpack and shoved h the hole along ers in my denims, and walked close by my side It was sort of an inti down these very halls with Lil that way assaultedup to my hazel ones as she&039;d leaned her head on my shoulder "What do you want to do for lunch? We could eat with Darren and Sammyor" she bit her peach stained lip and raised her eyebrows suggestively, "we could try hed huskily and squeezed et interrupted by another couple this ti I jerkedrude, but needing the memory of Lillian to leave me Not yetit hurt too much I felt my eyes well up and my breath quicken God, calm down I should be able to think of her Can&039;t I at least think of her?
"Luc?"
For a , that I heard Lil&039;s voice again and not Sawyer&039;s I pushed that feeling back, along with those stubborn tears, and forced my eyes open Saatery in my vision and I knew that for the second time today, I was about to lose some tears in front of her She had such a hurt and co and s about her that were nothing like Lil, nothing like anyone who could stoke a le of her chin, the slight ale, so on her uniqueness shut ht sht frown "Sorry," IShe waited a couple steps and then she met up with me, her head down, her hands now inI wondered for aher that jacket yesterday Maybe she thought ere a couple now? If so, s I suppose I did owe her an explanation I looked over at where she was studying the ground while alked
"It&039;s not you, Sawyer" She looked up at ether I nodded my head back to where I had my latest freak-out "Lil and I used to" , "we used to be like that and for a moment, I remembered hoith her and I just can&039;t" I closed hly I felt Sawyer&039;s hand on my arm and opened my eyes We reached the stairs and I stopped on the top one "I&039;m sorry if I have to push you away sometimes I&039;ht now"
God, I hoped she wasn&039;t offended by that
She didn&039;t appear to be Her cheeks flushed and a look of understanding seemed to hit her She looked back down the hallway at where we&039;d been and then back toto" She shrugged and looked a little e to I&039;oing through so awful and probably don&039;t feel the same way about me"
I smirked and cocked my head "You have no idea, Sawyernone I don&039;t think I&039;d have lasted twenty minutes today if it weren&039;t for you" I shook my head "If you only kne enuinely after I said that, but then she twisted her lips "I&039; to replace her, Luc I just want to be your friend"
I looked at her for a long time and a comfortable silence built between us Finally, I whispered, "You are ot" I may have only known her a day, but the truth of that sentence rang through every part of me
Her eyes watered and she stepped towardsme, but wasn&039;t sure if that was okay I closed the distance for her, bringing hed at the coht us and after a moment we pulled apart and continued our walk out of the building, to who knohere
We ended up eating our lunch in her Ca lot It was perfect She&039;d parked on the edge of the lot and the very few people , didn&039;t come out that far to bother us She flipped the switch on her car and turned the radio on to a sixties rock station I relaxed back in the seat and grabbed ht, I&039;dbut an apple in her bag, I gave her half etically, but didn&039;t refuse my offer, and we finished out the lunch period in the confined comfort of her vehicle
When the clock on her dash showed that our free time was up, we headed back out to the campus, to finish up our day Sawyer made her way to her fifth period co tirinned at her as we parted ways I had Astrono that also housed the Science classes As I walked along the sidewalk under the overhang, I remembered that this was my class with Samossiping about the latest celebrity foible or fashion faux-pas I sainst Lil&039;s pale hair I pictured Lil turning in her seat to look at , I banished the vision I wasn&039;t ready to have yet, and walked up to the outside door that led toon the heavy door, my eyes immediately spotted Josh when I opened it His eyes also ier, a state he seemed to permanently reside in He sat next to some cheerleaders and Randy from the football tealanced up atmy head down, I made my way to an empty seat in the back, on the other end of the small room from them Unfortunately, Josh had other ideas He walked across the rooht in front of me I counted to three as he stood there, fists clenched at his sides The teacher was at the front of the rooh the door, so I figured Josh wasn&039;t going to try and sluga deep breath, I looked up at him
"What, Josh?" I said quietly
His jaw clenched before it relaxed slightly "I got detention because of you, dickwad" I wondered how hiainst a locker wasHe leaned in close at et me kicked off the team, I&039;llI&039;ll" He searched my face as he searched for words
"You&039;ll what, Josh? Kill me?" My lip curled in a tired smile
His face went red all over as he stared at ht ahead ofour everyJosh to finally hit ain Maybe it would get it out of his system this time, if he did it in front of so many people, and maybe then our relationship couldwell, at least not be so antagonistic The teacher cleared his throat as the bell rang and out of the corner of my eye, I saw Josh flinch a little at the unexpected sound
Josh looked around at the sound of students sitting He turned back to me and looked hed as he walked back to his seat "I didn&039;t think it was, Josh"
He shot lare once he sat back doith Randy and I wondered if he&039;d heard et a kick out of his brother so worked up overpretty well, for the reeed ht I&039;d hit on Sammy
Someone in school had started the ru in the library and he&039;d immediately punched me the next time he saw me That had thrown me, especially since the rumor was completely not true, and I hadn&039;t even heard it yet I&039;d been walking with Sammy at the ti atonce he confessed why he&039;d done it and then they&039;d spent fiveface while I rubbedht back Eye for an eye, right?
As class began, I smiled over the memory of Darren&039;s shocked face that had quickly turned into an aht after that for fifteen hed at the both of us I&039;uys are morons" crossed her lips at some point I never did find out who&039;d started that little ru a field day with me now
The class went by at a quick pace I actually found the subject fascinating and foundaboutsoand our teacher, a shriveled olderhair washioodbye with his hand and turned back to the board, erasing his drawings for the next class I waited for Josh to leave before I stood He gaveused to from him, and then he ducked out the door with Randy and one of the blonde cheerleaders
I stood and picked upfor me, as I sort of expected him to be, and aside from a few stares, I oing to be the four of us It was going to be our goof off class before Darren and I went to football practice and the girls went to volleyball practice Art It was located in what alym I ducked into the class and found that people were already starting to draw or doodle on paper and weren&039;t paying any attention to me whatsoever I smiled briefly as I found a seat
I sat at an easel and waited for the teacher, Mrs Solheim, a woman who looked to still be stuck in the sixties avy, waist length hair and a look of self-medicated peace on her face, to walk over to me She smiled widely when she approached me and the warmth in it shocked me for a momentuntil she called me Tom I shook my head and said, "No, I&039;m Lucas" Then she frowned and nodded slowly, like she suddenly relanced at a couple of the e that she was seeing ht, anda &039;she&039;s loopy&039; signal with his fingers, h into her hand Before I could stop it, I had a vision of Lil giving Darren an ad look, her full lips puckered in displeasure I reht and felt et heavy as her beautiful, shiny hair shook around her shoulders, when she shook her head at Darren My breath seized as her face turned towards me and I watched in awe as the lips curled into an easy smile and she opened her mouth to speak
"Lucas?"
I blinked at the unfalanced up at Mrs Solheinment that I&039;d missed the introduction to yesterday I&039;d been completely wrapped in my memories and I&039;d tuned her out I had no idea what she&039;d been talking about I sed the ache in ain and forced myself to concentrate on the teacher
"I&039; the assign at me like I was the space case and not her, was sort of funny, but I couldn&039;t find it in irlfriend had been a sudden one I hadn&039;t been prepared for it, not that I ever was As the teacher walked away, I felt the ache in my chest start to turn towards despair I flickedSawyer had this class with me too, but she didn&039;t, she wasn&039;t there I&039;d have to get through this on my own I closed ht hair and stor one too The vision of her face held no added recollections ofover my body My pain momentarily left me I opened n that felt like hoht was, only one thing felt like home to me Very carefully, and in as an to draw her faceSawyer&039;s face
After class, I was a bit startled to see her actual face again I&039;d been walking out of the shack building and debating walking hoht into her She&039;d just coym One of the rooms was used for the band, the other for the choir I wondered which one she belonged to, but didn&039;t ask her because she looked like she&039;d been crying She startled as she buainst me and looked up intowas haphazardly slung over her shoulder, crammed papers visible in the top of it, like she&039;d fled the room in a hurry
I cocked ht?"
She swiped a hand under her eyelids and slance over her shoulder and irl conized her - Brittany Faulkner The Faulkner family was the oldest in our s fathers of the town actually That&039;s right - our town had actual freaking Founding Fathers The toas still big on heritage and all of the Faulkners had a holier-than-thou attitude They also had a good sue and in a way, kind of ruled the town And Brittanyruled the school
She&039;d been a part of our social circle with Darren, Saain, one of those people that I wasn&039;t sure ere friends with her She was in no way nice But she was attractive, very attractive, and she&039;d had her eye on irl that let me feel her up It had happened after practice my freshman year and I&039;d always known that it wouldn&039;t have necessarily had to stop at my hands up her shirt I&039;d always known that I could have gone much farther with herI just hadn&039;t wanted to
Sawyer&039;s eyes quickly averted frolare, as her brown eyes swept over to our position I continued to look at her, wondering just what she&039;d done or said to Sawyer An odd look crossed her face; her eyes narrowed at me in contempt, much like Josh&039;s actually, but her lips curled into a s smile, like I could still do more than just feel her upshe would just hate me at the same time I scrunched my brow as I watched her, watch me
Brittany smirked and then stalked off Brittany had been in a huff aroundLil, maybe even before that, but definitely after Lil and I&039;d hooked up I suspected she was jealous, but she never really had acted like she was, it was just an odd sort of feeling I used to get hanging around her A sudden light went off in my head as I wondered if she was the one that used to circulate cheating rumors around about me
After she walked away, I focusedyou?" I asked her quietly