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It’s a hit Finally He flinches like I’ve slapped him and takes a step back

"I put myself out there for you," he says slowly "I can’t believe I--"

"I needed someone to put between me and Anna, and you probably never even really likedthe knife further in, but I’m not sure I need to "You were really lonely, and I was there after a long ti there"

He takes another step back "You--"

I wish he would shout at me He doesn’t This quiet devastation creeps across his face and he fights it, and it reminds me of that day in the diner, and I feel likeBut it’s still not as bad as what Anna will do to him if I tell him the truth

"I should have known," he finally says, and I wince because he was the best thing that ever happened to le time Liz told me-- fuck --I can’t believe I let you do this to o

By the tiusting fluorescent lights overheadcomes out I lean forward and take deep, even breaths in and out, and then I run the water as cold as it will go, cupping ether for a drink It doesn’t help I wet a paper towel, sit on the floor--gross--and press it against my eyes

After a while, the paper towel loses its chill, but I can’t find the will to get up and wet it again Michael hates ainst s open, I can’t inspireto act okay is so beyond ina"

Anna’s voice is ainst my eyes She crosses the roo crumbly and dry into my hands I look down An oatmeal cookie I blink and take in the roo no one will come in

I don’t care if Anna sees me cry, but Kara…

I wipe at es rabs me by the chin and makes me look at her "Come on I don’t ht I was starving myself--after Kara actually did starve herself--she used that voice Eat I take a bite of the cookie and revive a little at the food in my mouth My stomach doesn’t want it I clamp my hand over my mouth

It takes forever to s

"Kara, wait outside," Anna says, when I finally do

"What? No way I want to see this"

"Wait outside now"

Kara knows better than to argue She yanks the door open and steps into the hall

"Talk to Michael?" Anna asks me I nod "Did it hurt?"

The last three words setmy face in them

"So now you know exactly how I felt when I found out you slept with Donnie"

"Jesus Christ, Anna I didn’t fucking sleep with Donnie He tried to--"

"Don’t Shut Up Listen to ht you were my best friend," she says "You were like a sister to me Now, thanks to Michael’s journal, I find out I just et better for you, okay? I want you to understand what you ruined and how good you had it" She tucks an errant strand of hair behind my ear I jerk away "And then …I want you to be sorry"

"I’m sorry," I tell her desperately "Anna, I’m sorry"

"No, you’re not," she says "I’ll let you know"

"Look at this," Anna says as Jeanette, Marta, and Kara cluster around her We’ve finished gy roo up a thin silver chain with a silver pendant dangling off it "Just because That’s what he said"

It’s like partying all night with people you hate and bypassing hoht to your job so you can work all day with

"Ooh, rins, beside herself with squeally-girl joy "You knohat thatsimilar abandoned in a jewelry box at home And the five of us talked about what that ave it toto et dressed as slowly as possible so I can avoid walking down the hall with theive-and-take I have to listen to this stupid babbling until they go

I stare at Anna until she notices and sets the necklace back against her neck I can’t resist: "Doesn’t it bother you at all that whatever you do with Josh, I did first?"

"Anything you do, I do better"

"There’s a learning curve," I tell her