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"But really, I’ll own you, and Michael is dead to you You will drop hi He’ll have to sit there trying to figure it out until he gives up and hates you all over again"

I’ll tell hie room and I’ll tell him

Anna studies me It must be all over my face, because she says, "If I think you’ve tipped him off, I’ll plaster his journal all over school and take it to Holt If you refuse to drop hies all over school His grief His secrets His ruin I can’t let that happen

"That means whatever happens to Michael is your fault," Anna says, reading my mind "And even if he does find out the truth, do you think he’d forgive you for putting hiiven you for a lot It wasn’t easy for him to be with you, you know He put that in his journal, too"

"He did?" I whisper

Anna closes her eyes briefly, basking in this moment This is Anna at her finest This is the Anna everyone is afraid of The Anna I’m afraid of

She opens her eyes "Didn’t you read the entry I taped to the door?"

I clench my hands into fists "I hate you so es et to the door and hesitates "He’s really sweet, though, isn’t he? Anyway, I’ll see you to out I unfold it and read it

And then I start to cry

Weird month The kind of emotional evolution she’d be proud of

It’s hard, but--I like her I think it’s going to be good

The bell rings I leave the storage rooh the front doors I can’t risk Michael seeing me like this, because he’ll ask and I’ll be weak and I’ll tell hiain, and I can’t do that to hi, aching Stupid, ugly tears, all over my face

I almost had theo hoans toht you’d want to know"

Skirts and cardigans

My throat is all closed up I try to sncoffee and I try to take an antacid but I can’t do either, andthere, and I can’t stand it, and I don’t knohat to do with ross, and I can’t stop picturing his face when he seeslot is completely empty I position myself in front of the doors and wait, the fa me, until I find myself inside, in the washroo

Because there’s nothing in ainst the door and press a shaking hand against my mouth I could cry, but I’m afraid if I start, I won’t stop I shove an antacid in et it doith a little spit I can’t do this

I can’t do this

Those four words over and over again in my head while time creeps by and the school fills School noises leech in through the walls, and it eats me up I take a deep breath and fus Ito stay in this stall I wedge ainst the door, close my eyes, and I stay still until I’m unco, nothing bad is happening

Every so often people coe before the next period I listen to girls talk at the sinks, over stalls, and they peter out, and it’s quiet again It stays quiet for a long time, until the door opens and I hear footsteps cut across the room A stall door is pushed open and then another and another, until it’s the one next to ive

"Get out" It’s Marta "Now"

"No," I say

"Okay, let’s end this now" Kara "Anna keeps those pages really close, Regina"

I open the door Marta and Kara exchange a glance and a sht of my reflection in the mirror My skin looks waxy, pale

"Lunch in five," Kara says

I push past theht for the sink I run the tap hot and then cold "Great," I say