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We stare at each other I jerk away
My problem, my proble corner after corner until I end up in a deserted hallith doors that offshoot into nowhere rooht that almost was feels like a memory already, like it didn’t even happen, and I’m numb all over except for my stoh what I really want to do is screaina?"
Michael He startles ht every part of myself to let that simple word come out of my mouth, because I really, really want to scream "What do you want, Michael?"
He blinks, taken aback "Jesus, just forget it"
I watch hie to scream disappears, and then I decide to follow after hiet it and walk away
He has to know I’ until he finally forces his way through the front doors and steps outside Leaving He’s left That’s a really good idea I glance over h the door, and the heat is instantly onlot
"Michael! Michael, wait!" He stops By the time I reach hi?"
"Hoo holance back at the school I can actually see the heat co off of it And I hate the people inside
"Can I co He looks like he’s about to tell me to fuck off, but I cut him off "Please?"
He turns and heads for his car I follow him
He lets me
Michael lives near the outskirts of town
It’s an old house The painted exterior is flaking away, and the front porch looks tired The wooden fences that separate it from nicer homes on either side are in desperate need of repair He didn’t always live here He used to live in a bungalow a few streets over, and then his ured it was one of those situations where he and his dad couldn’t stand being where she’d been, but I don’t know if that’s true
I thought it once and I’ve tried not to think about it since
Michael gets out of the car I do the same Now that school is behind us, the whole situation feels less dire and kind of stupid, like I shouldn’t have coestures for e down a narrow path of dried-out yellow grass between the fence and the house that leads into the backyard
Where there’s a pool
It’s in-ground A quietly neglected piece of paradise A few leaves float across the surface of the water There are two chaise lounges at the side and worn-out wicker furniture taking up space on the patio A sliding door leads inside
Michael pushes open the back door "I’ll be right back"
I wonder if he will be While he’s inside, I round It’s as close to inside as I’, and that suits me fine I entertain a visual of us in his house, on a couch, side by side or soht shades of weird Not that this isn’t weird
I spot a fly floating on the surface of the water, its little legs puhts to keep itself afloat: I know that feeling I roll up my sleeves, cup it into rass I can find I set it down and it stays there, stunned It’s still not lasses He sets them on the table Coke, Jack, vodka He faces nore how much I understand what he just did At Josh’s parties, I was usually the first to start drinking and the last to stop, and it wasn’t because I enjoyed the taste
It was because I hated the people I was around
He half turns to me "So why’d you do it?"
"She deserved it," I say
Michael lass quickly and then I polish it off I can’t tell if he’s ilass, and his expression never changes
It makes me feel even more aard than I already do
"My dad keeps his liquor cabinet locked," I tell hilass on the table and wanders over to the edge of the pool He rolls up his jeans and sits down, dangling his bare legs in the chlorinated water He doesn’t invite me to join him, and I feel dumb about that, too, so I pour o for it I sit next to hied, and try not to look as tense as I feel
"What happened to your arms?" Michael asks