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Friday never happened

I wipe a light sheen of sweat from my forehead Anna, Kara, Jeanette, and Marta usually wait for me at the front so we can enter school the Fearsome Fiveso next to Anna, untouchable

Everyone is afraid of us

Today, they’re nowhere to be found

I scope out the parking lot just in time to see a black convertible pull in Donnie My sto places I have to get inside Now I navigate the cacophony of voices, drug deals and insults--

"--See you at lunch, okay?--"

"--I didn’t finish it, but I don’t think Bradbury will care--"

"--Wait up, I’ve got to get--"

"--For one pill? Fuck you! I can get theh the front doors, into the air-conditioned main corridor I scan the halls They can’t be that far off I just need to find them I feel naked without them

A flash of blond hair catches my eye

"Kara!" She doesn’t turn around She must not have heardnext to her calms me a little; I’ And it’s weird I never thought we could be friendly, but she was nice to me So I’ll be nice to her For a while

"Have you seen Anna?"

But she stares at me like I’ve just told her to stab her eyes out with a pen, and even though she gives et it today

"Uh, yeah?" Bitch-voice Okay

I readjustand clear my throat

"Where is she? I want to talk to her She called this weekend and I didn’t pick up" I wasn’t ready "You know Anna She’ll be pissed"

"Yeah," Kara agrees "You could say that"

"What? Did you talk to her?"

Kara shrugs and flounces down the hall, her golden curls bouncing off her shoulders as she goes A bitter taste works its way up my throat in spite of the antacid I took I follow her She turns a corner I turn it

Jeanette and Marta are at Marta’s locker Kara prances over, and they enfold her into our secret huddle, the one I should be at the heart of, but my feet are cemented into place by some kind of animal instinct that tells me I’m not allowed over there Marta spotsto the other girls Invite h Invite me over

They turn their backs to me No

No way

This is not a freeze-out

But I have to find Anna to be sure

She’s not at her locker I check her homeroom She’s not there either I stalk the halls, and people are looking at irls’ washroom, not because I think Anna will be there, but because my stomach is upset I pop two more antacids and lean over the sink My heart spazzes inthe outside of my sweater because I don’t want to look at the bruises, even though I could close my eyes and see them

I could close my eyes and see--

Don’t think about it Don’t think about it Don’t think about it

I stare at my reflection in the mirror My hair is limp, dead, and my face is an unattractive overheated red Anna would not approve Anna doesn’t want to talk to me because…Because Because

I haven’t returned her clothes yet

I ignored her all weekend

Duh

Anna doesn’t want to talk toize to her I exhale It’s al in its familiarity I’ve been here before and I can handle it It’s not fun, but it’s easy

It’s not a freeze-out

I’ll find her Apologize