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I groan If I do that, I’ll be a bona fide stalker My business card should actually read "Parker Shelton, Slutty Sinner Sleuth Extraordinaire"

Drew’s already typing his naht then Ryan pokes his head inhis eyes

"Giveup my nails Ryan nods and the door clicks shut I love, love, love cooking, but it’s the only chore I really like I love taste testing Mom never worked She was a housewife, and when she left, I had to take on chores like laundry and ironing after Dad turned his T-shirts pink and burned his thuether I wish her dog Annie was here All I really want in life is a big furry dog that slobbers a lot

"Here he is!" Drew says Brian’s Facebook page pops up The profile picture is of hi a bat He’s ser than he is now The rest of the profile is locked down, so I can’t get any juicy details like his favorite books and movies, to see e have in co the cursor to click the button

"No way!" I slap his hand and log out ofdrastic

I make a split-second decision to repaint my nails with Passion Peach

When I asked if he played ball, Brian replied, "Soe ball but won’t adle his name, then shut the laptop I will not be a psycho, no matter how much I want to know hiain He understands what it’s like to

Brian Hoffman Who are you?

defcon 1

49 days until i turn 18

My Monday thus far:

1 Ride bike to school Store bike at racks Notice Brian’s red truck Casually peek in s for clues as to who he is A fruit punch Gatorade sits in the center console along with a heap of coins He has two bumper stickers: one is for the Braves, the other reads coexist and is covered by all these synize fro signs Based on this evidence, I have deterether I love Gatorade! I useTotally )

2 Inside Hundred Oaks before first period, I y on his phone His sweet nothings are gag-worthy "Yes, baby I love you, sweet plu advanced US history Does Brian have an apartled up in his crus knotted The idea scares otten naked with anybody I closeof him in the buff, and accidently let out a moan The entire class looks at me

Silence

Crickets

Embarrassment

"Slut," Laura hisses under her breath

Prude, I think, re to learn here," Sa a pencil behind his ear "Some of us think about more than the opposite sex"

"No one believes that, Sa his eyes

4 I walk by Coach Burns’s office between classes Where is Brian? He must be the only coach/teacher who doesn’t actually couys in his office and is yelling at theuy stole the other’s clothes and tried to flush the only boxers with pine trees on the underpants fro in the cafeteria, checking over Drew’s algebra, when Corndog plops down next to me

"Can I see your calc hoot the third word probleo, I would’ve said "hells to the no," but valedictorian is in the bag and Corndog got stuck in second place because he bombed that horrific chemistry pop quiz back in October Ha! Our school announced the valedictorian and salutatorian in January, so I’ht any reads from his book "A cup is in the shape of a truncated cone with a radius of 4 centiht of 6 centiht of the water in the cup is changing Write an equation for voluht"

"That one was hard My answer’s in s around inside, pulls out the folder, and brushes his brown hair away from his face

I erase Drew’s answer to number four and fill in the correct one He hovers over

"Ohhh," he says

"Are y’all cheating?" Corndog asks, peering at Drew’s ho "What do you think you’re doing?" I ask, pointing at my paper

"The only reason I couldn’t do this proble purses his lips, laughing

I set hten er of the baseball teae of our equipe of your cups or your dirty jockstraps"