Page 24 (1/2)

"Ah! Why didn’t you tell us?" I ask I hate that I a his arers on him?

"How could I?" Gabe replies He’s diso crazy and fret himself to death and you would become hysterical"

"I would not," I snap I’ I’ve said seeical to me, but my voice feels a little out of control

"Clearly"

"We deserved to be told, Gabriel!"

"What good would it do? You teren’t going toall these nights? I’"

My brother looks at me and his smile has vanished What replaces it isn’t unhappiness Just no expression at all, eyes narrowed against a wind I don’t feel I can’t appeal to the feelings of this Gabe, because I can’t tell if he has any "A person can only try so hard I did h," I say

He reers and opens the door The sound and smell of the pub swell into the airless rooot" Gabe shuts the door behind himself I s my sadness as hard as I can It only makes it halfway down my throat

It’s all up tofewagainst the door frarin at me and make some stupid joke and I’ll burst into tears in public and I’ to do that I know that Brian Carroll is probably still waiting at the front of the pub for h to coht, before, that soh all this, he would change his mind But it feels undeniable now It feels like he’s already stepped onto the boat

I slip out of the bathrooreat decisions battle inside o up front, past Gabe and To men to where Brian Carroll maybe still waits Or slide out the back door into the alley to lick my wounds and bide o home and crawl into my bed and put my pillow over my head until December or March

I could eat my shame for dinner, it’s so thick, but I take the back door and leave Brian Carroll behind

The wind tears down the narrow, stone-walled alley behind the pub, and as I head back to the street, I think crossly of hot chocolate and home that doesn’t feel like home anymore I can see that there’s an even denser sea of people on the street now, and I’ not at all motivated to swim in it at the rabs my elbow, unsteady, and for a brief, uncertainof my brothers now, but then I see that he was just shoved fro crowd Finn finds ers, and puts a November cake in my pal joining the honey in the pit of s to be licked Sooes like a rabbit’s

I let the cake drip and hastly white grin It takes nize him beneath the charcoal and chalk striped across his cheeks Only his lips are pink, where the frosting from his own November cake has rubbed him clean He wears one of the false spears

"How did you get that?" I have to shout to be heard over theinto it When I go to open my fist to see what it is, he pushes eneral view My eyes blink at the wad of money in my palm

Finn leans toward me His breath is sweet as nectar; he’s had more than one cake "I sold the Morris"

I hurriedly shove the ave you that ht it was cute"

He sht in his coal-black face, his hair crazy, and I feel ht you were cute, probably"

Finn’s smile disappears One of the lines in Finn’s code is that you’re not to say anything about Finn being attractive to the opposite sex I’overns this, but it’s closely related to the one that won’t let you thank hi about compliments and Finn don’t work