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Abrahaustus Waters, whose existential curiosity dwarfed that of his well-fed, well-loved, healthy brethren While the hly unexaustus Waters examined the collection of the Rijksustus asked after a while

"Nothing," I said "I’m just" I couldn’t finish the sentence, didn’t kno to "I’m just very, very fond of you"

He smiled with half hisis et about it and treat ," I said "I think you’ve just got a touch of cancer"

He soes up," he said

"And it is e and my responsibility to ride all the way up with you," I said

"Would it be absolutely ludicrous to try to make out?"

"There is no try," I said "There is only do"

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

On the flight home, twenty thousand feet above clouds that were ten thousand feet above the ground, Gus said, "I used to think it would be fun to live on a cloud"

"Yeah," I said "Like it would be like one of those inflatable moonwalk machines, except for always"

"But then inus had ever fantasized about living in the clouds, and everyone raised their hand Then Mr Martinez told us that up in the clouds the wind blew one hundred and fifty miles an hour and the teen and we’d all die within seconds"

"Sounds like a nice guy"

"He specialized in the murder of dreams, Hazel Grace, let me tell you You think volcanoes are aweso corpses at Pompeii You still secretly believe that there is an eleic to this world? It’s all just soulless ainst each other randomly Do you worry about ill take care of you if your parents die? As well you should, because they will be wornorance is bliss," I said

A flight attendant walked through the aisle with a beverage cart, half whispering, "Drinks? Drinks? Drinks? Drinks?" Gus leaned over ne, please?"

"You’re twenty-one?" she asked dubiously I conspicuously rearranged the nubbins in lanced down atmother "She won’t mind?" she asked of Mone into two plastic cups Cancer Perks

Gus and I toasted "To you," he said

"To you," I said, touching my cup to his

We sipped Dih to drink

"You know," Gus said toVan Houten said was true"

"Maybe, but he didn’t have to be such a douche about it I can’t believe he iined a future for Sisyphus the Haed He seemed to zone out all of a sudden "Okay?" I asked

He shook his head microscopically "Hurts," he said

"Chest?"

He nodded Fists clenched Later, he would describe it as a one-legged faton the ht and locked position and bent forward to dig pills out of his backpack He sed one with cha his fist, waiting for the medicine to work, the medicine that did not kill the pain so much as distance him from it (and from me)

"It was like it was personal," Gus said quietly "Like he was mad at us for some reason Van Houten, I ne in a quick series of gulps and soon fell asleep

My dad aiting for us in baggage clains printed with the last naers: JOHNSON, BARRINGTON, CARMICHAEL Dad had a sign of his own MY BEAUTIFUL FAMILY, it read, and then underneath that (AND GUS)

I hugged hi (of course) As we drove home, Gus and I told Dad stories of Amsterdam, but it wasn’t until I was hoood ol’ A American pizza off napkins on our laps that I told him about Gus

"Gus had a recurrence," I said

"I know," he said He scooted over toward me, and then added, "His mom told us before the trip I’m sorry he kept it fro for a long ti to pick which house they are going to buy "So I read An Ione," Dad said

I turned ood A little over my head I was a biocheuy I do wish it had ended"

"Yeah," I said "Common complaint"

"Also, it was a bit hopeless," he said "A bit defeatist"

"If by defeatist you ree"

"I don’t think defeatism is honest," Dad answered "I refuse to accept that"

"So everything happens for a reason and we’ll all go live in the clouds and play harps and live inar the side ofan adultwhat you believe, but that has not been ain that he was sorry about Gus, and then ent back to watching the show, and the people picked a house, and Dad still had his ar to fall asleep, but I didn’t want to go to bed, and then Dad said, "You knohat I believe? I rereatabout fast Fourier transforms and she stopped midsentence and said, ‘Sometimes it seems the universe wants to be noticed’

"That’s what I believe I believe the universe wants to be noticed I think the universe is improbably biased toward consciousness, that it rewards intelligence in part because the universe enjoys its elegance being observed And who a in the middle of history, to tell the universe that it--or my observation of it--is temporary?"

"You are fairly sood at compliments," he answered