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"Okay" I follow hi that he just shared this really inti in ently He turns, and I laythe same accelerated rhyth down at h the hair at his te his head down I kiss him, softly, carefully, and for a moment, he doesn’t react at all, and I’… And then his o all the way aroundhiainst mine now make that first kiss a distant echo His hands ski ainst the wall and his body is pressing into ainstthe hard muscles of his back, up and over his shoulders, down his ar, our chests rising and falling in unison as he leans intoI want you, I want you, I want you

When he pushes away, I’, he holds up a hand to stop me "Emma, I can’t This isn’t--I can’t"

He turns and yanks the door open Three seconds and he’s gone Lying back on the bed, I review every detail of what just happened, over and over, but it doesn’t get any clearer I alht that she and Derek both have off, and I don’t want to interrupt theure out bythe television off and whispering my name as he pulls the comforter overpieces Not asearlier today, before we ran into Graham and Cara But I know about her now; she’s one less secret between us What made him pull away? There must be someone else Brooke? They were obviously still close last month By his earlier admission, she’s one of the few people who know about Cara She could be the reason he withdrew after he kisseddraperies cloak the rooainst the cushioned headboard and wide awake for two hours My adjusted eyes distinguish the outlines of each piece of furniture, the mirror across the room, the shape of my shadowy reflection in it I raise e waves back

The drapes can’t block the sounds of the city below Unlike hts of insomnia in Sacramento, I’m not awake and alone here, in the city that never sleeps; I’

Dad snores softly in the other bed I click the button on the side ofhoe The cursor blinks, waiting for low of the tiny screen After thirty seconds, the display turns off What do you say when the feelings don’t fit into words? Finally, I type thetoday I want to see you I’ll be in the lounge downstairs at 6 aed and a little bit pathetic as the rip on the phone loosens and I snuggle down under the covers, my phone under ly, there are few people in the lounge this early on a Saturday I request a booth in the back and wait, somehow sure he’ll show, despite the fact that he never answeredover his forehead, still da jeans, boots Ithe construction site down the street, and a faded t-shirt featuring another band I recognize fro about them

He slides in across froaze is direct, unlike yesterday--when his eyes seemed to land anywhere rather than connect with mine

A waitress steps up when he sits, and he orders coffee At ers splayed on the table "Look I’ you a hundred ti it up Ipeople about her I’ve led two lives for so long that it’s habit, and until now I’ve escaped co them"

The waitress arrives with the coffee and he falls silent until sheout on you like that last night…" he says

"I freaked out first" I stir a packet of sugar into my coffee as he pours creari inpart ofyou When I took on the father gig, I didn’t consider hoould affect future relationships For years now, I’ve kept my family on one side, and… almost everyone else on the other"

"That sounds hard"

"Yeah…" He breathes out a sigh, rolling ar packet into a ball "It is"

I breathe in, breathe out, clenching and unclenchinghere in four months Maybe we can meet up for a run now and then Or take Cara to the park, or whatever I could babysit, if, you know, your faet to know her Because… youat the table top, I run lossy surface "I miss our friendship"

"So you want to be friends?" he asks, and I look up at him His hands are still, his expression serious "Friends, and that’s all?"

The kiss last night "There’s no reason we can’t be friends I was out of line last night I understand how you feel about Brooke--"

"Wait What about Brooke?" he interrupts

I s, ht "Um Your relationship with her"