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Now I’m propped on my elbows, eye-level with naked breasts, when I’ve been celibate for a longer spel --by far--than any other time since I became sexual y active I want her so badly that I’ with the desire to rol her under

No cold shower could rid er I’d need a tub ful of ice

I sit up and she rocks back a bit, her chest grazing mine, only the thin fabric ofis shal oarm little puffs of air, cinna her lips, she stares at mine I pul her close and kiss her, deeply--an echo of a promise my body intends to keep

She slides her hands under h to let her pul it off And then we’re skin-to-skin and I’ht and feeling aside We kiss for long, torturous minutes, until final y I trail slow kisses down her neck, over her breasts, and in onearound her navel, grazing the tiny bel y ring I discovered there a couple of weeks ago, during one of our reckless episodes

"That… is so unexpected and hot," I told her then, and watched her ears go scarlet

Her hands clench fistfuls of bedding, and when ers dip into the waistband of her shorts, she lifts her hips I want her , and she sure as hel wants ,more to me than a temporary remedy for isolation I felt no actual connection, not once, since Brooke There have been tiis familiar, and Dori deserves to be h

"Please," she breathes, her hands kneading my shoulders insistently My unti her The boxers are loose and low on her hips, no barrier tobeneath to stroke her soft skin as I return to kissing her until we’re both breathless, before sliding open-mouthed to return attention to her breasts and bel y, traveling progressively lower to the places ers have already explored Her shocked response tel s s Colin left out of her sexual education, the self-centered bastard

I’rateful for the remoteness of my room from the rest of the house, because she can’t keep her lower lip clamped between her teeth, can’t contain what Iagainst me She’s soon satiated and drohile I anticipate hours of struggle before I find oblivion

"Reid?" she says, so softly that I’ather her closer, stroking her hair over her shoulders, splaying it out over the pil ow "Go to sleep, Dori"

She inhales slowly and breathes out a sigh, her eyes stil closed as she cuddles against my chest, and then she , her fingers ue over , I’ht of the expectations placed on her, froical to the self-inflicted, what I needed was the last, selfless thought in her sleepy head

Sated and awed, I fal asleep with her locked in ht I spent in Reid’s bed in one respect--the hangover sensations: headache, dry eyes, exhaustion The cause is far different, though; a thick outpouring of grief wil do that

Unlike the last ti his boxers and the t-shirt I wore to bed… and took off Blurredit overht metrical y, his lashes feathered closed, his lips barely parted We’re curled in on each other, al ars intertwined One of his hands holds one of mine, loosely, while the other rests on le et hoht, when Reid told me he’d talked to Dad, I was too fuzzy to think about consequences, but thishter of concerned parents, stil financial y dependent on theer for their admiration Even if I’m unworthy of it

I always knew my secrets were safe with Deb That she’d never tel , never judge And while she was there forti it al this ti up even without the loss of one, but she’s not here My parents stil plead with God for athat Deb can be restored to her life, to her future, to us I’d give anything to walk into her roohto happen

MaybeThis is what my conscience, if that’s the name of the voice in , or norant of al of the facts Whatever the voice is, wherever it co

Deb was the only person who kneho I real y was Al of me Now, Reid knows

I’m not sorry for e did I didn’t think I was capable of ever trusting like that again Letting go Touching and being touched without a trace of self-consciousness