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Stephen enters and fingers the purple Post-it on the phone re , I found the peephole note, along with about a hundred other Post-its stuck to various objects around the house All of them my mother’s desperate attempts to teach me how to live on my own so I’m prepared when I head fourteen hours away from home to the University of Florida

"You can call ht," he says "I’ll come over"

I snort "I’ave hiht I loved hi beca--me I became complicated and I didn’t want to have sex anymore Stephen lacked sympathy

And then there was Lincoln

My lips tremble and a new pool of warm tears builds in my eyes

Stephen turns toward estion It snaps shut when he spots my face "Whoa Lila It’s okay"

It’s not My bones suddenly weigh too much for rasp balls into a rock "I’m fine Just tired" Just heartbroken Lincoln lied toand then he cutto him

Letters--not emails, not texts--letters It’s e promised each other e met Because somehow, letters made our relationship privatedifferentreal

I stare at the red-and-black a the hardwood floor My stomach aches when I see the project that started or ended it all, depending on how I choose to view it, peeking out from underneath the cherry end table The sturdy scrapbook paper represents hours of cutting and pasting and care h school The petals of the dried-out lilac-colored roses Lincoln sent raduation last week create the border

I’uy I’vein the land of make-believe

The other end of the couch shifts as Stephen half sits on the arm How many times did my mother ask him not to do that? Stephen licks his thumb and rubs dirt off his new prized possession: the two-hundred-and-fifty-dollar athletic shoes he stood in line for overnight

"Seriously, Lila" One more lick One s attached"

I blow out enough air that uy It’s my fault I fell for someone else Someone who doesn’t really exist "I know, and thanks But I’ve got to work this out forto Florida on ht inI’ushes out of his mouth next "Look, I know you better than anyone else and here’s the thingyou’re not as strong as you make everybody think you are"

"Oh My God" A coer and hurt splits open my stomach as my shoulders roll back "Did you really say that to me?"

"Just listen," he says in a rush "Your mom told my mom that you haven’t turned down the offer fro second thoughts, so I’"

My throat tightens and I avoid eye contact, asha a dream because of fear

"Stay home" He softens his tone "And you don’t have to worry about being scared Echo’s staying Grace and Natalie are staying" He pauses and glances at the floor "I’ll be here"

I suck in my lower lip--half mad, half emotional basket case The University of Florida has always beeneverything and everyone I’ve ever known But I’ o

When I don’t respond, Stephen continues "I know that’s why you broke up with me last -distance thing So stay"

No, that’s not why I broke up with hio, Lincoln sent this a letter and it shook , but it finally hit ether It was because I had given my heart to Lincoln

I didn’t want to hurt Stephen then and I don’t want to hurt him now Especially since I realize what a fool I’ve been My eyes shut as I digest what I have possibly throith Stephen "I don’t know"

The defeat crushes h to carry ht Maybe allaway are stupid and insane Maybe I just think I’, but a hoht into Stephen He jue here, in Louisville, Lila It’ll be like high school Chad’s staying So’s Luke All of us will be together, going to the saain"

My head snaps up But I’reen eyes shine and his face cohts up What do I honestly know about love? Obviously nothing after what’s happened with Lincoln "I don’t know"

Why is that the only phrase I seeers spread out as he raises his hands "That’s good enough For now Look, I’ve got to get to work, but I’ by yourself, call Mom and Dad won’t care if I stay with you"

I suck in a breath to try to explain to him that I need to do this on my own, but before I can form the first word Stephen plants a kiss on my cheek and strides out the front door

I blink a few ti to let my mind process the turn of events "Crap"

In the span of h school Wasn’t this drama supposed to end when I received ry adrenaline pumps in my veins Good He’s back Now I can really tell hi that I’uy should ever call me a coward

With a particularly hard yank, I throw open the front door and yell, "You really are a jerk, you know?"