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Here‘s what kept flashing before er into Mitch‘s chest; Mr Connolly shoving Mitch--and the way Mitch stood there and took it

Like, maybe, he deserved it

Mitch said, ―Is that what you think?‖

―I don‘t want it to be true,‖ I said ―But I want you to tell h for that, too‖

―I know that‖ He darted a glance hts frolittery black, like polished obsidian ―No, I didn‘t, Jenna

I was never even tempted You‘reyou‘re the only one, ever‖

―But there‘s so‖

―Yes Butdamn it Jenna, honey, I can‘t tell you what that is‖

―Why not?‖

―Would you wantother kids about you, your mom, your father? What you‘ve told me, you‘ve said in confidence Even if eren‘t lovers, you trustwith a lot I haven‘t been there for her the way I used to, and she‘s hurt and that‘s really my problem, not yours‖

Lovers I wasn‘t prepared for how that little word uess, and a little afraid, too Like the as almost a promise I was Mitch‘s lover; I was someone no one else had ever been ―Can you at least tell me what her father said?‖

He hesitated for only a moment ―He told me to mind my own business,‖ he said, then added ruefully, ―and that she‘s too young to knohat she wants‖

The CD clicked off The wipers thu like a heavy rain through which the truck‘s headlights cored a cold, bright tunnel Maybe the snoas a good thing, though, because it gave Mitch someplace else to look and, I think, made it easier for him to do what he did next

Mitch said, so softly I alh

About Kathy and me‖

My insides went still I wanted to say that he hadn‘t really toldbecause I had been so careful not to ask Kathy was a black hole whose event horizon would kill us

But, somehow, I found the words ―It‘s about the baby, isn‘t it?‖

He said nothing for a otten about that picture,‖ he said

―Is her dad really sick?‖

―With cancer? Yes I wouldn‘t lie about that It would be too awful But he‘s not so sick that she needs to stay‖

―So why is she? Is it because of the baby?‖

―Yes and no‖ He went quiet for so long I thought he hed ―The first tiot verydepressed I missed it I chalked up her moodiness and all that to, you knohat happens when you‘re pregnant I just didn‘t understand what I was looking at I didn‘t even find out until a lot later that she had a history of depression Been in a hospital, suicide attempts with pills, the whole nine yards Anyway, she relapsed Pills again, and she slit her wrists Insurance, I guess She‘s alive only because all the blood scared her and she called her h ―Diving I told you I gave that up when my dad yanked me out of Stanford, but that‘s not entirely true Kathy and I argued about it a lot

We‘reopposites, but sos like that when it‘s too late I was , on the rebound, and for spite when you get right down to it Anyway, I wanted to ain ―Try to salvage so any of that She lost that first baby--nant again, having another baby, was all she could think about She‘d decided it wasthere Never mind that it was the pills that did it‖

―Did you want another baby?‖

―No I hadn‘t wanted the first one, but I felt so guilty Getting o of what I‘d wanted to be made me feel soe I‘d ever been, every dreaone and now there was only this hole I tried to fill it with all the things that are supposed toI‘m not an asshole I did love Kathy, but sometimes I wonder if I used her as a kind of distraction so I wouldn‘t dwell on what I‘d lost Anyway, after I realized h to undo it and then all I could do was keep running in place, trying to fix us And now, finding out that she was ill, I was so scared she‘d try again that I couldn‘t say no even though I didn‘t see how she could handle herself much less a child Knohat her ansas to that?‖

―What?‖

―For , be with her 24-7 But I couldn‘t do it Teaching was the last thing that was truly ht of as the real me, and now she wanted that, too I felt likeJenna, it was like drowning in slow-ot pregnant again I‘ her for that‖ He paused then said, wryly, ―Obviously, I helped‖