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―But he was on the surface,‖ I said ―How could he not breathe? Why didn‘t he screa of the movies, and that‘s not what happens in real life,‖ he said ―They call it the drowning instinct It‘s when drowning doesn‘t look like drowning In real life, if the water‘s very cold, a person can‘t help but gasp It‘s reflex The thing is as soon as water hits your lungs, your throat closes off, even if the water‘s war to protect itself, and the reality is that a lot ardless, to people on land, especially when you‘re really close to the end, you don‘t look like you‘re in trouble You don‘t scream, but that‘s because you can‘t, and you don‘t wave your ar You‘re just there So people don‘t notice that you‘re dying‖ He was silent for aall this ti it so quietly, even I didn‘t know it‖

That sadness was there again For soht back to those pictures of Mrs Anderson: happy and beautiful as a princess on her wedding day; then pregnant but scarred I wondered what had happened in theand Mitch hadn‘t known that either Maybe they both had

Despite how Mitch ot what Danielle said about him and broken people You can‘t spend a million hours in therapy and not have it rub off a little So was Mitch always trying to help because he hadn‘t been able to do the same first for himself and then for his wife? I could see where the shock of what happened to her--the pain and guilt-- wouldwell, rip and then scar a person on the inside Look at my parents Look at Matt

My therapist once said that everything I did was a repetition: a way of trying towith our whole faht So why should Mitch be any different? Maybe he couldn‘t help hi, or that he was even doing it Adults don‘t know everything, Bob

I only understand this now, of course: sitting here, still freezing cold, in this awful e to the quiet

Back then and at that moment, warm and safe in his arms, all I wanted was to help

But I didn‘t knohat to say I had this urge to tell Mitch that I would save hirab on to me--but that felt duive that he couldn‘t find somewhere else?

―But I‘‖ I sat up and when I turned to face him, the blanket slid from my shoulders and down hs They would never go away I wouldn‘t be me if they did ―So you don‘t have to do that anymore, Mitch You don‘t have to drown‖

For once, I did the right thing So unclenched in him; I could see the strain and tension drain from his body His eyes drifted over my face and then tofor

Except for the asped and he sighed and saidin each other

f

It was all so shockingly easy, as long as ere careful I know you don‘t want to hear that, Bob You want to hear that we felt guilty or lived in constant fear of discovery

You want to know about our near-ot news for you, Bobby-o I felt fine, fine, better than I had in ood, quiet kid like uy like Mr Anderson? I had straight As; I wasn‘t a troublemaker The Tank decided I‘d adjusted just fine, especially after I joined the team My parents were careful not to think too hard about anything Hell, they were glad I was on the teaood, they said I see to Turing was the right move, and what couldinto each other again and with Mo up for the holidays--they were thrilled not to have to worry about one

I was happy and Mitch made me beautiful, Bob He made me believe that ould keep each other afloat forever

And no one asked questions, Bob No one gave us a second thought Everyone looked, and no one really saw We looked fine, and none of you knew the difference

So, the irls‘ locker room but didn‘t see anyone ―Hello? Danielle?‖

A pause Then a rustle, followed by a grunt ―What?‖

Her voice had come fro on the tile floor, rounded the corner, and saw shoes under one stall ―Are you okay?‖

―Like you care‖ Her tone hardened as she recognized my voice I could practically see her chin jut out ―I‘ot cra in like five, ten , okay?‖ When I didn‘tto stand there until I come out?‖

―Coach said I should wait for you‖ Technically, I could leave and let Mitch lay into her when she finally dragged her sorry ass out of the stall She would deserve it, too This was so butBut, I reminded myself, I didn‘t need to be that way This may sound stupid to you, Bob, but in a weird way, I felt like I‘d already won I was Mitch‘s go-to girl on the tea special with Mitch, but he‘d already told me that she had a lot of problems and didn‘t want to listen to what he had to say (What probleood that way He never let on about anyone else It was private) Besides, Danielle had David She had a brother Her father was soh-power attorney She had plenty