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Here I was

Except, the other proble is so daet that double soy latte ata bullet theriven to me last Christ otten it for me and it had been on my list This made me happy--a full thermos of coffee that I’d made at home, a beautiful, sun-filled day in Boston, and an entire series of hours of freedo ready for grad school to start I had scored an awesoht be the size of a postage stamp, but it worked and I didn’t have to have a rooe series of little apart If you can iht floors that’s basically a triangle, and soed to carve out a 180-so square foot apartment for me For me, and seven other people who lived in the other apart

My bathroom was such that you couldn’t sit on the toilet without your knees going into the shower The kitchen was a e, a microwave, a sink, and a two burner stove My et a futon because you couldn’t open the front door all the way and have the et in and out of my apartment But you knohat? It’s mine, it’s cheap, and did I mention it’s mine? No roommates I can walk anywhere I want in Boston I don’t need a car; I don’t even need a bike It’s perfect

Mine

Walking through the Longwood Medical Center, past hospitals and Starbucks, and Wheelock College, I looked at the old buildings juxtaposed with the shiny Cancer Center I watch people walk past me, some of them in medical attire, some of them in scrubs, plenty of thee students

I’ht? I look at the crowd and realize that nobody’s the saorize in e, college, ht?

What does someone think when they look at , brown hair that sways behind ainst my back I have wide, friendly eyes, but I hide thelasses most of the time, because men tend to make eye contact withall the time so that I can read and i to do with anyone else

In fact, for the longest tied myself by what I didn’t have I didn’t have popularity I didn’t have a size zero waist I didn’t have the latest clothes I didn’t have parents who sentbreak I didn’t, I didn’t, I didn’t

Part of this whole integration thing is figuring out that if you spend your life judging yourself by what you don’t have, then pretty quickly you start to feel empty It’s so much better to think of yourself in terood books on ood coffee shop nearby, I have time, free time to explore, to read, to revel, and to ruet today I loved to watch the swan boats I hadn’t ridden them in years; tickets were only a couple dollars, but it was more fun to watch other people enjoy theht across fro area and I just watched people,in, but occasionally a group of tourists speaking aniet on the boats, which looked like so out of the 1950’s--old and quiet and staid in a way that was cal out there in thisit floating on a lake

The coffee was great The weather was perfect and I felt o of the dreaded anticipation of that phone call froht about Sam, about Mo about things, I heard two distinct, fah Boston Co It made the music life feel more real Raw Like I had this secret life that the other people walking past ardens, down the asphalt paths that bisected the grass at angles, didn’t have

I could be up until four in the h on the beats the headache, in need of caffeine A quick cup and then a walk, the blinding sun adding to y, always did it for

The guy certainly had changed since our geeky high school years He’d been this sort of rude, rough edged debate geek who had ht Joe was that guy in a group ould , and then, behind your back, do soht But damn if he didn’t worry so ht

I had the luxury of not giving a shit about my parents anymore Dad had made sure that had happened In fact, I didn’t really have any contact with theive her five or tenas she was still with Dad she was part of the enmeshed world If you are married to an alcoholic, and you have kids with that alcoholic, and you let that alcoholic warp the kids, then you’re complicit too

She wouldn’t see it She couldn’t And I had spent four years on ca the shit Dad had put us all through and finally figuring out why I was so angry at Mory at the ht? They’re the one who is supposed to save you from the mess Except, Mouy in the household and to tap dance around the fact that she was enabling hi up to his parents--I didn’t get it Then again, I didn’t have to get it

"So," he said, his words clipped, his eyes barelylast night"

"It’s sinking in, though" He took a deep breath, as if it were foreign to him, and looked at me "I need to leave soon"

"Darla OK with this?" I knew Trevor was

"Yeah, but Darla isn’t exactly thrilled She didn’t even knohat Penn was She thought it was Penn State"

We both laughed, an evil sound of condescension Ivy League vs flagship state university? No contest

"I can take the train--it goes straight into South Station I can be here in seven hours Not every weekend," he de Tourists were gathered around the little bronze statues of the Make Way for Ducklings ducks and I laughed, seeing little toddlers cli pictures It was cute There were lots of cute things when you looked around the Co: aout bums, but mostly happy faces

It was so different frorind where you walked past people ere so deep in thought, bent over their smartphones If the zombie apocalypse ever started on a work day I’m not sure how many people would notice before it was too late

"When do you leave?" I asked Joe